What do SAHMs with school age children do?

[Ahbahbahbah]

I’ve been SAHM for 7 years, and my youngest starts school next term (didn’t start in September due to covid).

DH is happy for to just relax/take up a hobby etc - and certainly after the last year of homeschooling I will do that for a while! Financially I don’t need to work.

But how will I actually fill my days? I feel like I have no idea what I would do or who I am without my children constantly needing me.

Can any SAHMs with school age children tell me how they fill their days? What should I be thinking about?

No kids but I work p/t.

In non covid times - yoga, pilates, walk/coffee with friends, walk the dog, read, cook meals and cakes etc from scratch, keep on top of the house stuff, jobs like food shop/tip runs that would otherwise eat into the weekend .......

I am a SAHM, have four DC, and have to race each day to get everything done in time before nursery and school finish at 3pm. Don't get much time to do what I want, as I also have a dog to walk in the morning. Washing to do, hoovering, food shopping to do once or twice a week. OP you won't have time to get bored😂

If no clients or small children are demanding things constantly then I’m not sure what I would choose to do.

@Ahbahbahbah

That would be your first project right there. Working out what you want to do with the rest of your life. Might take some listening, some sitting with your self to find out what you want, some trial and error.

Enjoy.

I'm not suggesting that it is easy, but it is very simple to work out what difference you want to be in the world. Your purpose. You have done so much for others, you may have lost sight of yourself a bit. It's still there, open yourself up to finding out and enjoy the process of finding out.

One SAHM I know starred respire foster care when her youngest started school
Not for everyone and it was obviously a huge undertaking and her husband was as committed as her, but she finds it very fulfilling.

There is no way that ‘life admin’ takes a day and putting away the online shop another I find that jobs like this expand to fill the time you have. In reality, they take very little time but many SAHMs use them to justify the fact that they don’t have a job! Fair enough if you don’t need to work I suppose, but I couldn’t make out basic life bits and bobs took up the best part of 30 hours a week whilst my DH earned for both of us!

While I agree with every bit of this, I think it’s a bit of a bitchy thing to say. The only emotion that would drive me to actually express these thoughts out loud is utter, utter jealously. I dream daily (literally, every day) of a lottery win so that I could be a financially independent SAHM - my DCs are in primary school. I would seriously sell an organ. Reading all of these stories about spending your days pottering and doing ‘life admin’ at your own pace rather than shoving it all in at weekends or using up annual leave days, or carting children around at the same time and fighting mum guilt, while also looking after your health with regular exercise and therapy/meditation just makes me want to sob with envy.

What I never understand about these threads are the people who think that what they do is right and should be done like that by everyone because there way is what life is all about.

Why not appreciate that people have different needs in life and we are not all the same, we may even make different choices, shock, horror.

@WinstonmissesXmas

Wow! I can’t imagine a more boring existence. *@supadupapupascupa* - you’re describing the stuff I’d do on my lunchbreak and spend a little time doing at the weekend. There is no way that ‘life admin’ takes a day and putting away the online shop another I find that jobs like this expand to fill the time you have. In reality, they take very little time but many SAHMs use them to justify the fact that they don’t have a job! Fair enough if you don’t need to work I suppose, but I couldn’t make out basic life bits and bobs took up the best part of 30 hours a week whilst my DH earned for both of us!

Some of us are busy each day with above day to day mentioned tasks and have to fit in hospital or clinic appointments for DC with additional needs regularly. But carry on having a dig at SAHPs if it makes you feel great🤷

I am never bored each day, constantly cramming stuff in. No time for paid employment, too busy with all the other demands put upon my life.

ElphabaTheGreen the grass is always greener. SAHP have their challenges too.

The day goes faster than you think once I've dropped my youngest at school nipped to the shops come home done the general cleaning and tidying and anything else that needs doing Im back out to pick them up

@blowinahoolie

ElphabaTheGreen the grass is always greener. SAHP have their challenges too.

I’m sure. But I know, given my own circumstances, my quality of life and general health would sky rocket without the obligation of work.

Aah well I had the most wonderful and marvellous 8 years at home. Park, patio painting, teaching to read, skipping, counting, little treats. By the time dd went to school I was running Sunday School, organising fetes, treasurer of a local organisation, deputy chair of another. DH said one day, "you really might as well get a job, you knocking yourself out working for nothing".

A little part-time job turned up so I applied for peanuts, part-time but no childcare costs. Then followed prof quals and nearly 20 years later a full on director level job.

The other thing is when dd started full-time school I needed something more to fill the void and oven doesn't talk to you.

I found exercise was a major difference when I didn’t work for a couple of years. Most of the non-working parents I know are super fit.

I think a routine helps- pre covid I went straight to the gym or for a run after drop off.

I have two serious illnesses, and DS has SEN and a chronic illness so there's a lot of appointments/medical admin. I had signed up as a volunteer but the project got pulled due to COVID.

Maybe once a fortnight I might meet a friend who is on AL or maternity leave for s coffee. Once a month I'd have a treat day and go into London to visit a gallery or museum.

This is all in good health times, when I'm ill I'm pretty much in bed after drop off until pick-up.

Not a SAHM, just a housewife.

I try to keep a routine to avoid madness and keep it to 2 chores and 2 fun things each day. Chores are things like cleaning the bathroom or washing the cars, fun things are going for a walk, doing some exercise (yoga, dance, pilates), going non-food shopping, meeting a friend for coffee.

I also babysit for my SIL and I often help out with cleaning her house or doing some batch cooking for her.

I used to volunteer in a school- I'd go in and do guided reading with the children when I had time and it would fit into my schedule.

It can get boring if you do the same thing over and over again so I like to try different places for lunch/coffee, I'd go to national trust locations, english heritage sites etc. I have learnt to love my own company and enjoy enjoying things alone.

@ElphabaTheGreen - it was the exact opposite for me, actually. I was jealous of everyone else who went out to work and seemed to have (what I, at least, saw as) a purpose. I did a term after my youngest went to school full time before it really started to get to me. I simply could not make the minutiae of everyday life fill the best part of five days a week. I also didn’t like the fact that my DC saw me as the homemaker, the cook, the washerwoman etc and DH as the provider. As others have pointed out, each to their own but there really was nothing more soul destroying than having very little to talk about in an evening or when I met up with (working) friends. I also volunteered during this time but again, it was around the DC and child/school focused. Exercise classes were aplenty but no one wants to hear about those!

I believe everyone in society has a duty to contribute economically. If you can afford not to work you should look at how you can donate your time to a charity or supporting others in the community.

I also think it’s very unwise for a woman not to work unless they have independent means, but I know others disagree.

Winston I have no friends to talk to because I’m too exhausted outside of work and DCs to make any! I have nothing to talk to DH about other than work (which I really CBA talking about after a day of it) and DCs. I have no energy for DH full stop because I collapse into bed at 8pm once the DCs are in bed - I’m up at 5am for work. I’ve currently woken up and can’t get back to sleep because I’m blessed with insomnia, among other things. I have no hobbies or interests outside of work and DCs because I have zero energy for them and no time to do any exercise. 5am until 8pm is work + DCs/housework/life admin and nothing else. If I could just take work out of the equation, my life would improve no end. A life of pottering around the house by myself and regular exercise so my tank is full for the people I care about just sounds like utter bliss.

Have you considered selling body shop, it only takes an hour a day and you will be a bazillionaire by the end of the year....... only kidding.

I think it’s important you have a hobby to keep you busy/doing something you enjoy rather than spending the day just doing house stuff or waiting for your family.

The school day is short...I dropped off ,dog walk ,shopping. afternoon nap ...recommend that and then dog walk and pick up the children 👶 It is/ was absolute bliss !! Now 10 years later I cannot fit enough into the day ...am actually now exhausted!!

@ElphabaTheGreen - that sounds tough. I suppose you must have the comfort of knowing you can support yourself though? As a PP said, it can be tough to be a SAHP if something goes wrong and DH/DP loses their job/leaves. Financial independence is worth a lot. Obviously that doesn’t take into account any SAHPs who don’t need to work.

Winston Yes - I could never feel secure or comfortable being financially dependent upon anyone else in anyway. Not very comfortable maintaining my ability to be financially independent, mind, but I keep telling myself it’s a wiser long term plan (assuming I don’t just drive myself into an early grave...)

And, yes, good role model to DCs, equal contributor to good standard of living, developing work ethic, establishing good daily habits and routines and balance of productive and leisure activities but...god I’m tired.

I know what you mean Elphalba - I worked in a demanding job till my eldest was 4 and my god I was knackered - not helped by both DC being non sleepers for years. I remember you from the sleep boards and hope your DC sleep has improved.

Now I don’t work and tbh I’m bored (well not right now but I was pre home schooling).

No wonder the elusive dream is working 2-3 days per week!

I was a shame for a few years.
My days consisted mostly of:
Housework, gardening, baking, DIY, Gym, Yoga, run, Swimming, meet friends fir ciffee/lunch/Hike, some places we lived I joined a community group or various wives clubs and git quite involved with those.
Over the years I did some part time college courses. Some really dull courses I've never used like book keeping but some more fun and useful ones like Carpentry, cocktail classes, salsa, sewing skills, horticulture, basic plumbing, Decorating, flower arranging, Learning Malay.

I was never ever bored. Infact, I still didn't have enough time in the day. 3.30 school pick up is right in the middle of the afternoon but because I'd had all day free I could have prepped the evening meal, tomorrow's uniforms PE kit etc and do something fun together with the kids without stressing about dinner, clean uniform, school administration, school costume etc etc. So going to the beach straight from school or swimming/ice skating etc with the kids and just being able to properly enjoy it and get stuck in without clock watching too much.

Whatever you do, don’t start flogging MLM products. Seen quite a few SAHM fall into that trap.