Intrusive thoughts

[Mumtotwoxo]

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago. I was doing well apart from small panic attacks from my anxiety that I’ve suffered with for years. The other day out the blue I started having intense panic attacks where I can’t sleep and intrusive thoughts that are extremely scary and real. I feel like a bad mum. Has anyone suffered this too? Reached out to my gp and now referred to a MH nurse.

@UnsureOfNC sorry to hear this. What medication are you on? Is it helping? I'm awaiting a cbt appointment x

@Mumtotwoxo i'm taking venlaflaxine (i think that's the right spelling) it is helping heaps! I have a lot to unpack in regards to the therapy... i had an awful childhood and the birth of my second daughter seemed to just trigger something and i'm having to do the therapy to try and get through the core problem... i think it will take a while! It's intense sometimes and can get you quite upset but it's worth it x

@UnsureOfNC I'm on fluxotine and propranolol but I'm not seeing a massive improvement to be honest. X

@Mumtotwoxo i never got on with fluoxetine or citalopram so venlaflaxine was the next one. May be worth giving a call to your gp and just explaining.. maybe ask for a higher dose? X

@UnsureOfNC my fluxotine was increased to 40mg 2 weeks ago so possibly just not kicked in yet? X

@Mumtotwoxo could possibly be that.. try a few more weeks! X

@UnsureOfNC do you have any advice on how to cope day to day with this terrible issue? X

@Mumtotwoxo honestly at the moment no... my way of coping turned into the compulsive side of the OCD, and i'm definitely not going to suggest any of that! What i have done in therapy thoigh does help a bit, i canMt explain it as i'm not qualified to do it and i wouldn't want to give out wrong information. It's so so so shit and i'm sorry i can't help you, CBT will definitely help though x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@UnsureOfNC do you have any advice on how to cope day to day with this terrible issue? X[/quote]

@Mumoftwoxo Haven't been here in a while, as l'm in Ireland and my mum's a vulnerable person who still hasn't got the vaccine yet so l'm focusing my main attention on her at the moment. But l want to give you some support too.

Let me just say truthfully that when we are dealing with OCD and have a good day, less intrusive thoughts and just being able to cope, OCD tends to spike.
It's like a toddler having a tantrum over nothing, it knows you are rightfully not giving it any serious attention, so the nonsense thoughts tend to shout louder, but you are now relabelling it as the utter bullshit it is and those thoughts spike, this is backed up by medical data for pure O patients.

But then those spikes start to wane. As a new way of thinking and neural pathway is created.
This was my experience when getting back to pre OCD me.

What I'm trying to say, this is a sign of progress, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
The meds will kick in soon, that are highly recommended for OCD, and you will get there x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]**@HaHaVeryBunny* @TheLumpySofaCushion* today has been a nightmare. I've had thoughts all day that won't shift no matter how much I try not to react.
I feel like I'm going backwards today.
The thoughts are so strong I can't get them out my head ladies 😭😭😭
Hoping for a better tomorrow x
[/quote]
It will get better tomorrow, rember the all the good hours recently, when you were in control of the nonsense thoughts. That's the real you.

With Fluoxetine you are doing all the right things, taking the right meds.
It might take a week or so extra to feel that change.
But you are getting there my lovely. x

@UnsureOfNC did you find being on your monthlies made your head worse? X

@HaHaVeryBunny thank you for reaching out again. Hoping the fluxotine takes more of an affect in the next couple weeks so that I can feel a little more normal again. Doctor suggested using sedatives again but I don't want to miss out of anymore time with the kids.
Did you ever find being on your time of the month made your head worse? X

Anyone still attending the thread? Would be good to chat x

Hi @Mumtotwoxo I'm still here! How have you been? In answer to your question, I did find that everything seemed harder at that time of the month. It made me extra sensitive and emotional on top of being exhausted and anxious already. So go easy on yourself. How are you getting on with medication? I was worried about the sedatives route too so I think those are best avoided but hopefully the other stuff will kick in for you. Remember that you also need to dismiss those pesky thoughts too. Medication will help but if you play an active role in telling them to bugger off (neutralising them) that helps too!

@Caneloalvarez hello! How are you?
Did you ever feel stuck in a rut? It's hard to explain what I'm meaning, like your mind and symptoms haven't got worse but each day don't seem to be getting better? That's how I'm feeling just now and I'm not sure if that's normal or not. I have a couple weeks before medication kicks in fully x

QUESTION -
Did anyone have flashbacks of their intrusive thoughts? Like reoccurring back into your wave of thought after being gone?

I had this too OP, and it caused the most horrific postnatal anxiety. My intrusive thoughts were about me harming my children, which is my absolute worst case scenario in life. I've never hurt anyone in my life. I used to play out all these scenes in my head, where I'd go to prison because of what I'd done, and the other prisoners would hate me! And I used to panic when I heard police cars.
This happened a few months after my middle child was born, and she is nearly 15 years old now!
I promise you that it will pass but it was hands down the worst time of my life. I lived in a constant state of fear for about a year, and nobody really understood it back then.
Looking back, I am proud of myself for how strong I was, and that's how you'll feel one day too.
I wish you well x

Oh, and it is very much OCD related. And often happens to good people, with overdeveloped social consciences.
When you think about it, total scumbags wouldn't burden themselves with having these thoughts!

@eatsleepread thank you for your support!
Did you ever have a pressured feeling in your head as if you were going insane? How long do you feel it took you to see the light and have good days? X

No problem! And yes, it did affect my head. I used to feel quite fuzzyheaded if I remember correctly. Or like a tight band round it.
It took me one year from start to finish. I didn't go down the medication route though, and I'm really not sure that was the right decision. To be fair, my GP talked me out of it
I remember going down the natural/alternative route, and had some kind of potion made up specially for me/my symptoms. I remember it tasted and smelled absolutely foul!

You'll be ok. Everything will be alright. And I say that as someone who panicked every time I bathed my daughter for a year, as I was scared I would let her drown in the water. Horrendous.
Do you have support? I didn't have much at all really. Ex husband worked long hours in London, and all my family were back home in Scotland.

@eatsleepread I'm constantly feeling a pressured head like I'm about to lose control. Every time it happens I try run with it rather than run away from it. I am on medication but the increased dose hasn't took an effect yet!
I have my mum but she works long 12 hour shifts and I'm in a long distance relationship so it can be tricky for support.
Are you in Scotland now? I am, in a small place called Dunoon x

I remember the fear of losing control. I remember being in Boots one day, and suddenly feeling full of terror that I was going to start knocking all the stuff off the shelves! I had to leave the shop.
Or I would be speaking to someone, and then full of fear that I would just say something completely random and rude to them.
Of course, I never did any of these things. Or any of the other things that came into my intrusive thoughts ...
Yes, I'm in Scotland now

I’m still about, just been a bit poorly, I have colitis which can be a pain.
I had the pressure thing and the flashbacks. But it got better. I still get flashbacks of the irrational thoughts occasionally but I don’t get the sheer panic and terror that came with it back then, it’s a warning that I’m doing too much and need to slow down.

@eatsleepread how did you overcome the fear of losing control/going mad?
Aww lovely what part of Scotland are you in? X

@Gilead oh dear I'm sorry to hear that.
Did you feel like you were losing control each day and going to go back down the path you're trying to climb out of? X