Intrusive thoughts

[Mumtotwoxo]

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago. I was doing well apart from small panic attacks from my anxiety that I’ve suffered with for years. The other day out the blue I started having intense panic attacks where I can’t sleep and intrusive thoughts that are extremely scary and real. I feel like a bad mum. Has anyone suffered this too? Reached out to my gp and now referred to a MH nurse.

I did have this yes, OP. The same two or three disgusting nasty thoughts. I'd persuade myself they weren't real but then think... what if they are?

But they're not, they're a gremlin part of your brain throwing out the worst possible thought and you ruminate on them until they stick. The more you think a thought the more easily your brain follows the path to your thought which is why you find it gets worse and worse.

I had to forcefully carve new thought pathways so when I had the bad thought I'd immediately think of a wonderful one instead. The same good thought every time. Over time, my brain found that path easier to follow for the most part and the obsession calmed.

Remember - the very common ones are our worst nightmares - suicide, murder, abuse, peadophilia, violence etc. They're the most common because they're the OPPOSITE of what we or our brain wants.

Your brain doesn't control you. It's not telling the 'truth' just because it's your own brain. It has hidden bits which just get a bit stuck sometimes but you're still the person in charge. You can make it get better again. Think good thoughts as much as you can. Make yourself think them consciously and over time it may think of them subconsciously.

And yes, two years on and I'm pretty much back to my normal self. The occasional whisper of the thoughts crops back up but I find them easy to bat off. Like a pesky fly.

You can feel normal again.

@TheLumpySofaCushion good morning - how are you? Did you find when you had a good day you'd expect the next day to be a bad one? X

@Caneloalvarez right now I've convinced myself that it's true. I even have my mind telling me everyone around me is LYING to me and that I'll never get better etc. Did you experience that type of thought? It's so horrible xx

@CorianderBee I'm constantly battling with my mind. It's telling me everyone is lying and that I won't get better but I'm trying so hard to convince myself that it's just thoughts. Stuck and desperate to get better x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@Caneloalvarez right now I've convinced myself that it's true. I even have my mind telling me everyone around me is LYING to me and that I'll never get better etc. Did you experience that type of thought? It's so horrible xx[/quote]
Ah, bless you.

That's part of the symptoms; even my psychiatrist told me that i would leave his office and disbelieve what he'd said: that I would think "he's only said it's ok because he doesn't really know how awful I really am".

Just think of the books you're reading, and this entire thread. So many people (sadly) have had similar experiences. You WILL get through it my lovely.

Have a word again with your mental health team and see if they can push for your therapy.

@TheLumpySofaCushion how did you cope going about your day to day activities without it taking over you? It's so strong today and I think it's because I had a better day yesterday x

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@TheLumpySofaCushion how did you cope going about your day to day activities without it taking over you? It's so strong today and I think it's because I had a better day yesterday x[/quote]
Just by pushing through, really. It's really hideous but the more you get on with day to day life, the easier it gets, eventually.

Keep reminding yourself that you had a good day yesterday. For every awful thought, replace it with a good one.

@TheLumpySofaCushion my reoccurring thoughts are -
Suicide/ who would miss me etc.
My MH team are lying and so is everyone else.
The fearing thought of getting worse mentally.
Medication will make me worse not better.

I keep trying to convince myself none of this is true but the more I do the more it repeats. Struggling to adjust to normal day routine but I'm fighting.
Did you suffer from any of those type of thoughts or is that just mine? X

The thought that everyone is lying is simply another more powerful thought to replace the previous thoughts. I'm not a psychiatrist but to me it very much felt like my brain was almost addicted to the negative cycle and the rush of adrenaline and it would make up worse thoughts which continues the cycle. So treat these new thoughts in the same way - a sticky, negative thought that will disappear once it doesn't get a reaction! I used to get new/worse thoughts too and I remember being very upset by them! I used to think "well these must be the true ones, they're so bad!!" But in actual fact, the fact that these thoughts are now changing their topic just goes to show that none of them are true. You just have to keep accepting that your mind is very tired and stressed and this thoughts are just a side effect of that.

I know it's really hard to carry on day to day when you feel like this. And like I said, I myself spent a long time stuck - I still managed to go to work and do things but one part of my mind was also stuck in utter panic mode and wanting to Google/reassure myself as soon as I had a spare second. I just had to take it day by day, hour by hour and do my best to stay away from Google!

The thing is, reassurance that ANY thought we have isn't true, just doesn't exist... Our brains are searching for something that no one can give. That probably sounds very frightening now, but if you can manage it, when you get another thought, just say eh well, could be true... And carry on with what you're doing. This is SO hard at first, I remember being in tears at times just wanting the thoughts to fuck off!! But you have to neutralise them. Take away their power. I know this sounds hard to accept while you're suffering, but it's the path out of this xxx

I remember having CBT and telling them my thoughts, and waiting for her to say of course those aren't true, just desperate for someone to tell me it all wasn't true. And i was shocked when she barely even addressed the subject matter of my thoughts, and instead focused on how I view my own thoughts? And why does a negative thought have more weight in my brain than a positive one? It took me ages to understand why we were working like that but it becomes clear in the end, I promise!

@Caneloalvarez I've been trying for weeks now to accept the thoughts and let them lose power but new or stronger ones just keep occurring (same type of thought just different way of thinking it) if that makes sense.
It's like living in a constant argument with your mind.
I feel ok some parts of the day then other parts it's a sudden rush of fear/panic and terrible thoughts. Did you experience it that way? X

Trying to convince yourself and reason with the thoughts is as much a part of the problem as the thoughts themselves, it's all part of the same cycle. So you can lump all the reasoning and questioning into the same category as the thoughts - just the product of a very tired and exhausted mind. Try and go easy on yourself, and tell yourself that of course you feel this way, you've had anxiety on and off throughout your life, you've just had a huge overload of anxiety which has caused this crazy brain glitch. And you've just had a baby too, so it's not surprising that you're under a lot of stress!

Yes I definitely felt those rushes of fear and panic, those are all related to anxiety which you've had all your life, they're just way more intense at this time. Keep reminding yourself that the thoughts and the reassurance you crave are all part of the same cycle of anxiety. Keep on dismissing the thoughts even when the anxiety rises... Ok, the thought has happened, no amount of reasoning is going to reassure me about this thought, I'm just going to carry on with what I'm doing now. And repeat!

@Caneloalvarez how did you get over the thoughts apart from learning the cbt effect? Was there any other methods? X

Anyone still attending this thread? If so how are you - would be good to continue talking during my recovery x

Hi there @Mumtotwoxo - I'm still here 🥰

How was your day?

@TheLumpySofaCushion I had a brilliant day with hardly any thoughts. My mum had to rush out the door about an hour ago and I turned into sheer panic with no reason why. Now I can't focus on a thing. Does this happen?
How was your day? X

Sounds like you had a great day... and absolutely - your panic experience is very typical. A right old bugger isn't it 😡

Don't worry about it - keep going like you are, and you'll come through it.

My day was very good, thank you. Bit monotonous - work, dog, nearly time for wine 🥰

@TheLumpySofaCushion I can't calm down my head is so sore and my body feels on fire - just trying to keep busy tidying the house!

Oh a glass of wine sounds lovely x

Did anyone suffer headaches when having a panic attack or thoughts??

It's really tough isn't it.

What did the MH team say when you last spoke to them?

Headaches and numerous other ailments are part and parcel of anxiety... I clenched my teeth so much I had constant jaw ache too.

@TheLumpySofaCushion it feels like I've went right back to the start. Did you ever feel like that?
They were out to see me today and not back till next Wednesday but can call them anytime x

I'm sure I must have but I can't really remember,

Don't forget that you had a really good day today. Try and think of the day in chunks so you don't write a whole day off when only part of it has been tough.

@TheLumpySofaCushion do you ever suffer from this anymore or has it left you?
I've decided to go back to the start of my OIT book for a better read x