Tell me the best/worst backhanded compliments you've had...

[GappyValley]

You know, the ones where it's either such a bad insult that it becomes a compliment, or such a bad compliment that it is an insult...

Mine has to be when my bitch of a stepmother (and self-appointed amazing baker who loves to criticise everyone) told me I shouldn't feel bad for not being able to stick to my gluten-free diet, when we were eating some birthday cake I had made.
Well fuck you, SM, it was gluten free cake and you clearly didn't realise which is why you thought I was falling off the wagon...
The fact that she didn't notice was the highest honour my cooking has ever had!

DH was told it was nice of him to try to make an effort with his hair, and that wasn't so bad considering it was lockdown - he had queued up for hours on the day barbers reopened for a proper cut

First date guy said to me I'd go from a 9 to a 10 if I had my nose fixed

Trying on a hat for a wedding. DS age 3 says
“Oh Mummy you look beautiful “ everyone in the shop smiles.” He continues
“Just like the fat controller”. Everyone laughs.

Your gorgeous for a fat woman.

@DustyMaiden 🤣❤️🤣❤️

You’re not fat....long pause.... just sturdy

Some guy at a pub years ago asked if we could compare noses I believe he was genuinely trying to chat me up but for goodness sake, let's not mention my huge nose!

I think my kids are the best for this. They’ve all at some point made a comment about how much they love my fat belly - so comfy! Or they love my long boobies - so cuddly!

DS3 always tells me I look like a princess when I wear a dress though so I’ll let them off

"that was a great bj. You'd make a good prostitute"

I was once sitting in our works tea room and a guy known for his complete ineptness and lack of social awareness spotted a colleague walking in. She was wearing a beige shell suit and her huge butt cheeks were spectacularly visible.

He blurts out “colleague, you remind me of a pantomime horse.”

An audible gasp from the tea drinkers ricochets around the room and to save himself he comes back with, “err, the back end, of course.” 😂

Loads.

A woman at work once told me that I'd make a lot more money as an escort and she didn't understand why I hadn't gone into that line of work.
I was gobsmacked.

A bloke spent a lot of time once telling me that he didn't find me attractive because I didn't wear nice clothes and if I wore short skirts, I'd have men all over me. He thought he was doing me a favour.

My aunt keeps telling me how well I've done for a girl.

Too many to count.

I was told by a colleague in front of other staff that I was "that kind of ugly beautiful women". I wish I'd said back that he was just one of those "ugly ugly men"

‘I love how you don’t care about your appearance or what you look like, it’s really wholesome that you just get up and go without feeling like you have to make an effort!’ said to me by a friend who spends lots of time and money on her appearance (and always looks great for it). To be clear, I do bloody care about my appearance - always have nicely kept hair, clothes, skin, nails etc. I just don’t wear makeup!

Meeting a client face to face for the first time "Oh. You sounded much younger on the phone"

Wow you have increased in size! (meant as a compliment in African culture.

My very proper grandmother who dispared of my goth phase would ask 'are you going to wear that or are you going to look nice?' Rolled my eyes at the time but now it makes me laugh.

“You’re beautiful... for a black girl.”

On a night out and a bloke in our large group says to me '' you're gorgeous, you're a fucking filthy looking woman ''

We get a lot of comments on how our toddler is "sooo pretty" with a definite undercurrent of "how the fuck did you two trolls make that?!", especially from my own mother who was always so careful to tell me how looks aren't important when I was growing up.

“You’re beautiful... for a black girl.”

Wow! That’s disgusting.

Some that spring to mind for me are an older colleague, when I was working as an office junior saying “don’t you think you’d prefer working somewhere like....I don’t know...on a Boots counter or something?” I genuinely don’t know whether she meant it as a compliment but it stung!

I also hate when people look you up and down and say “oh, you look well” it’s such a passive aggressive way of trying to make someone feel crap.

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met in Bristol (ex bf)

Wow mummy you look like slinky Malinky (dd aged about 6 I was wearing a tight black dress 😁)

Not me but to my DD from her newish boyfriend: "Thank God you don't care about your appearance or dressing well... if you did you'd be waaaay too hot for me!"

'You'll be a beautiful bride, when are you going to start the pre-wedding diet?'

thanks MIL

When a group of my friend's friends (who I didn't know) mistook me for another person:
'You should be pleased, Becky is really pretty!'

Bumped into my own bitch of an (ex) stepmother after not seeing her for a while and she said "Oh, I didn't recognise you because you look so well!"

An ex colleague once said to me "you're not as thick as you look are you?"