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Original poster

Tell me the best/worst backhanded compliments you've had...

211 replies

GappyValley · 11/02/2021 14:32

You know, the ones where it's either such a bad insult that it becomes a compliment, or such a bad compliment that it is an insult...

Mine has to be when my bitch of a stepmother (and self-appointed amazing baker who loves to criticise everyone) told me I shouldn't feel bad for not being able to stick to my gluten-free diet, when we were eating some birthday cake I had made.
Well fuck you, SM, it was gluten free cake and you clearly didn't realise which is why you thought I was falling off the wagon...
The fact that she didn't notice was the highest honour my cooking has ever had!

DH was told it was nice of him to try to make an effort with his hair, and that wasn't so bad considering it was lockdown - he had queued up for hours on the day barbers reopened for a proper cut

OP posts:
absolutetelynotfabulous · 15/02/2021 08:29

Loads, mainly about appearance.

You're OK, but you'd be better with long blonde hair.
She's OK (from my cousin) but she's not so nice as Susan.

From my hairdresser (I was 14" people with big noses shouldn't have a middle parting."

From a friend's boyfriend: you're pleasantly plump (I was a 10).

You're quite intelligent for someone who wears makeup.

If you didn't make an effort (to look nice) you'd be taken more seriously.

You look good (for an older woman).

Etc etc.

hulloall · 15/02/2021 08:34

"I like your nails. They look like they've been shut in a door"😂

MacDuffsMuff · 15/02/2021 08:51

First time I met MIL, said with one of her ridiculous tinkly laughs that she thinks makes her charming.

'Oh you look better than I thought, I was expecting you to be overweight and unhealthy because you're Scottish'.

She had already told DH (before she even met me) that he could 'do better' because I was divorced. We've been together 20 years now and MIL and I have butted heads a few times, but we're pretty close now ... considering. 😊

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General food
shivermetimbers77 · 15/02/2021 09:02

From a boyfriend when I was 22: “My friends would think you are fat, but I like you”. I was a tall size 12.

Ilovelove · 15/02/2021 09:26

I was at a Stranger Things secret cinema event and my outfit was amazing. It was smack bang 1983 but a true 1983 not neon tutu/costume type thing.

One of the actors really sneered at me ‘you look a bit 70’s/wrong era’ to which I replied ‘1983’, I think you will find’.

Later, hands down, without a shadow of a doubt the lady with the best outfit in the place came up to me in awe and was ‘is that a hand painted dress’ and I was like ‘yes the woman with style recognises style’! LOL.

Popc0rn · 15/02/2021 10:00

You look like a model in your Facebook profile picture, so different to at work!

Hexinthecity · 15/02/2021 10:54

An ex once told me that he liked how big my nose was because it make my face look friendly Hmm

saracorona · 15/02/2021 11:18

Mentioned this before, I was once told I wasn't as stupid as I looked!

Cattenberg · 15/02/2021 11:30

Ex-boyfriend, perhaps thinking that he was being romantic and showing his sensitivity:

“You’re beautiful to me” (but nobody else?)

“You’re gorgeous, I don’t care what anyone says” (conjures up images of queues of people waiting to tell him that his bird wasn’t all that, visually)

Sounds like negging to me.

I binned him.

Good call.

MotherOfAllZipFiles · 15/02/2021 11:35

"you have great legs..they are sturdy..like a table"
Hmm

He was certainly a prince among men, with his mummy issues

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 15/02/2021 12:47

Said to me by a friend's Australian co worker who I'd only just met:

"English girls look really old for their age. If I didn't know how old you were I'd think you were loads older than your age - at least 28."

I was actually 33* at the time, so his insult massively backfired and made me feel brilliant for years.

*he'd thought I was about 24 and was trying to be horrible

littleloopylou · 15/02/2021 14:26

@Deathraystare

Interpreting it the nicest possible way (as I think it was meant), I believe he meant perfectionist, eager to please, uptight, seemingly a bit cold, but nice once you know me

littleloopylou · 15/02/2021 14:27

I do sneeze a lot though, so have some related annoying mannerisms, sigh

ThatsnotmyBorishishairistoneat · 15/02/2021 14:29

Was told at 21, I’d be ‘well fit’ if I lost two stone

ThatsnotmyBorishishairistoneat · 15/02/2021 14:52

Friend was talking about other friends being pretty, she said I was very clean Grin

edwinbear · 15/02/2021 16:22

Having worked really hard and basically starved myself to lose 2 stone, a FWB told me he 'preferred his women with a bit of meat on the bone' Hmm

Cattenberg · 16/02/2021 00:16

Said to me by a friend's Australian co worker who I'd only just met:

"English girls look really old for their age. If I didn't know how old you were I'd think you were loads older than your age - at least 28."

I was actually 33 at the time, so his insult massively backfired and made me feel brilliant for years.*

he'd thought I was about 24 and was trying to be horrible

WTF was he on about? The Australian climate is pretty hard on your skin, especially if you’re white.

Years ago, I had a similar comment from a Chilean guy about English girls looking old. I asked him how old he thought I was. He said “you’re between 22 and 25, right?” I was 28. No idea where this stereotype comes from.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 16/02/2021 16:26

@Cattenberg

Said to me by a friend's Australian co worker who I'd only just met:

"English girls look really old for their age. If I didn't know how old you were I'd think you were loads older than your age - at least 28."

I was actually 33 at the time, so his insult massively backfired and made me feel brilliant for years.*

he'd thought I was about 24 and was trying to be horrible

WTF was he on about? The Australian climate is pretty hard on your skin, especially if you’re white.

Years ago, I had a similar comment from a Chilean guy about English girls looking old. I asked him how old he thought I was. He said “you’re between 22 and 25, right?” I was 28. No idea where this stereotype comes from.

His theory was English girls drink loads of alcohol and Aussie girls don't (using the words 'girls' as he did and he said only British teenagers drink).

Was such a weird guy - spent ages telling me how shit English women are - like he wasn't saying it to my face.

ultragroupie · 16/02/2021 16:33

My ex boyfriend said - I love it that you've got such a fun personality, as it means I'm not likely to leave you and go off with someone better looking.

Twat

Bargebill19 · 16/02/2021 16:40

As support staff in a primary school ...
Yr1 child came up to me and said “ I like school as we get staff. Our teacher has staff at home too”.
He truly meant staff as in people who do things for you at your behest. His teacher has a cleaner once a week.

LubaLuca · 16/02/2021 16:48

"I'm so glad you got the brains and not the beauty," said a stupid twat of a boyfriend as he looked at a picture of me and my sister Hmm Grin

"Oh, you're Luba! You sound so classy on the phone," on meeting a work contact for the first time. Obviously the reality didn't live up to the expectation Blush

allfurcoatnoknickers · 16/02/2021 17:03

My Ex-Step-MIL "Wow, you're so good with your baby and you love him so much. I'm really surprised, didn't think you'd take to it at all" Angry.

She's properly weird though - she still thinks I'm odd because motherhood isn't my entire identity, it's like it doesn't compute that you can love your kid and still have your own life and personality.

sadpapercourtesan · 16/02/2021 17:06

My sister was the empress of backhanded compliments. We haven't spoken for 20 years.

When she met DH: "Oh, wherever did you find him - he's just as biddable as but nowhere near as unsightly"

When she visited our first home: "You've been so clever with the decor, it hardly seems pokey at all"

When I gained a bit of weight: "I've always thought it must be so splendid to be a fat woman. You must feel like such a solid presence, when you plump your big arse down on the bus"

stampsurprise · 17/02/2021 08:26

@sadpapercourtesan

My sister was the empress of backhanded compliments. We haven't spoken for 20 years.

When she met DH: "Oh, wherever did you find him - he's just as biddable as but nowhere near as unsightly"

When she visited our first home: "You've been so clever with the decor, it hardly seems pokey at all"

When I gained a bit of weight: "I've always thought it must be so splendid to be a fat woman. You must feel like such a solid presence, when you plump your big arse down on the bus"

Shock so glad to hear you don’t talk to her!!
Labobo · 17/02/2021 08:35

@MustardMitt

I think my kids are the best for this. They’ve all at some point made a comment about how much they love my fat belly - so comfy! Or they love my long boobies - so cuddly! Grin

DS3 always tells me I look like a princess when I wear a dress though so I’ll let them off Wink

Oh, I miss those years so badly when your DC think you are the most beautiful woman in the world.