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Original poster

Tell me the best/worst backhanded compliments you've had...

211 replies

GappyValley · 11/02/2021 14:32

You know, the ones where it's either such a bad insult that it becomes a compliment, or such a bad compliment that it is an insult...

Mine has to be when my bitch of a stepmother (and self-appointed amazing baker who loves to criticise everyone) told me I shouldn't feel bad for not being able to stick to my gluten-free diet, when we were eating some birthday cake I had made.
Well fuck you, SM, it was gluten free cake and you clearly didn't realise which is why you thought I was falling off the wagon...
The fact that she didn't notice was the highest honour my cooking has ever had!

DH was told it was nice of him to try to make an effort with his hair, and that wasn't so bad considering it was lockdown - he had queued up for hours on the day barbers reopened for a proper cut

OP posts:
HurricaneBitch · 11/02/2021 22:52

I was out at a bar with a friend when I noticed a woman watching me, I smiled and she came over to our table. She said she just wanted to tell me how beautiful I was, that I had striking eyes and a lovely smile, she said my body was amazing and that I could be a model, she then said if i just had a little bit of work on my nose, she then gave me her card, she was a plastic surgeon. My mate nearly combusted laughing. Cheeky cow! Lol

gegs73 · 11/02/2021 22:59

You would be my perfect woman if you were not so tall 🤨 Needless to say this person was in no way my ideal man.

Mother in Law in recent years - you look lovely! You certainly didn’t look like this when I first met you. 🤨🤨🤨

Minster2012 · 11/02/2021 23:01

Having been very ill previously & had journals written about me I've often had doctors & med students say to me "wow, you are patient X? You look so....healthy/alive/good/well" er thanks, yeah...surprise I'm still here!🤦🏼‍♀️

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General food
TheDogsMother · 11/02/2021 23:07

I had one today. You look lovely in your wedding photos though you do have your Dad's nose Confused

BrowncoatWaffles · 11/02/2021 23:12

“You’ve got such a pretty face when you smile. It’s just a shame you’re so fat.”

Iamthewombat · 11/02/2021 23:29

First date guy said to me I'd go from a 9 to a 10 if I had my nose fixed

Haha yes, I can relate.

In pub one Saturday night, aged 22, bloke I recognised from work eyes me up then comes over. To tell me that I was fit but needed to go on some sort of twisting from side machine in the gym to define my waist more, then he’d probably ask me out. Feck off!

Ex-boyfriend, perhaps thinking that he was being romantic and showing his sensitivity:

“You’re beautiful to me” (but nobody else?)

“You’re gorgeous, I don’t care what anyone says” (conjures up images of queues of people waiting to tell him that his bird wasn’t all that, visually)

I binned him.

littleloopylou · 11/02/2021 23:33

A colleague told me that I'm like SJP in The Family Stone Confused

DulcieMainwaring · 11/02/2021 23:34

Ex-H's best friend once told me "oh, X [his then-partner, now wife] used to dress more like you, but then she realised that if she dressed really nicely she could basically get men to do whatever she wanted."

Which wasn't really a compliment to any of us.

DM always told me I looked " ... striking" or " ... different". Recently she switched it up to "less bloated", which was nice.

LostPencilSOS · 12/02/2021 00:02

Someone once said 'you have very big and ugly features like Julia Roberts but put together it all works somehow' Hmm . I was young and felt very embarrassed and self conscious of the ugly old male prick that said this to me. Like previous posters, I wish I had said 'and yes you have the same big ugly features but somehow they don't work at all' 🤬

Untradwife · 12/02/2021 00:49

You speak very well for a Paddy as told to me by a (professional, ahem) colleague Angry my accent isn't very pronounced

NannyGythaOgg · 12/02/2021 01:03

On a course, another member said to me
"I wish I was more like you ......................... and didn't care what I looked like"

Bad enough but this was a counselling diploma course where people are allegedly empathetic.

36degrees · 12/02/2021 01:21

From my late MIL as I was putting away my sewing machine before serving Sunday lunch "you could maybe get a job as a machinist in a factory if you get any good with that". I had a senior leadership role at the time.

From ex-bf to a packed pub after I correctly guessed the tie-breaker in the quiz "not just a [pause] face".
From a 'friend' when I was a size 8 "you have amazing cheekbones! If only you could lose a stone or so, you'd be so attractive".

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 12/02/2021 02:00

A rather 'Tim nice but dim' guy who fancied me at uni. I thought he was a public school prat and didn't fancy him in the slightest anyway but his chat up lines didn't help:

He once told me I had beautiful big brown eyes... like a cow
And also that my hair was a sort of 'dishwater blonde'

And he wondered why I was not falling at his feet.

Zakana · 12/02/2021 08:11

@shinynewapple21

You sound like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder *@Zakana*
Nah, not me 😇
Original poster
GappyValley · 12/02/2021 09:54

@MrsKoala

I’ve said this on here before, but it really is my favourite one I’ve had. I went to a really exclusive hairdresser for a restyle and after the guy said ‘you look fabulous, it really breaks up the monotony of your face’. 😂 I still laugh almost 20 years later. It’s the gift that keeps giving.
I think this is my favourite!

There are others that are absolutely amazing as well.

Do you think these people ever thought afterwards 'oh that came out all wrong. I hope I didn't offend them', or do they really believe it was a lovely thing to say?!

OP posts:
stampsurprise · 12/02/2021 10:17

@Iamthewombat

First date guy said to me I'd go from a 9 to a 10 if I had my nose fixed

Haha yes, I can relate.

In pub one Saturday night, aged 22, bloke I recognised from work eyes me up then comes over. To tell me that I was fit but needed to go on some sort of twisting from side machine in the gym to define my waist more, then he’d probably ask me out. Feck off!

Ex-boyfriend, perhaps thinking that he was being romantic and showing his sensitivity:

“You’re beautiful to me” (but nobody else?)

“You’re gorgeous, I don’t care what anyone says” (conjures up images of queues of people waiting to tell him that his bird wasn’t all that, visually)

I binned him.

It’s when they imagine you’re going to work your butt off to please THEM. The assumption that you’d even want their attention in the first place. Breathtaking arrogance on their part. Where on earth does it come from?! Confused
MrsKoala · 12/02/2021 12:41

All my best ones come from hairdressers, 2 other corkers were one saying how pretty I’d look with a tan and some highlights as they would make me look ‘less witchy’. Or the one where the hairdresser spent ages gushing about how brilliant she thought it was that I still made an effort with my looks at my age and how she hoped when she was as old as me that she still cared enough to do her hair. I was only fucking 40! 😂

I actually love comments like this tho. They really tickle me. It reveals more about the person saying it than it does about the receiver.

MrsKoala · 12/02/2021 12:45

You’re gorgeous, I don’t care what anyone says” (conjures up images of queues of people waiting to tell him that his bird wasn’t all that, visually)

This reminds me of my favourite insult. Two of my friends were having an argument and it got heated and one said to the other exasperatedly ‘everyone is right, you are a prick’. I still laugh at the subtle perfection and delivery.

LadyofMisrule · 12/02/2021 16:02

Working behind a bar, I got told that I could make someone a really good secretary if I just wore a bit more make up and maybe some higher heels. My old school mate owned the pub - she would occasionally call me to help if she had staff issues.

At the time, I was an engineering manager in charge of delivering a key safety system onto a billion pound engineering job. And they didn't give a shiny shite if I wore make up or heels.

LadyofMisrule · 12/02/2021 16:03

And a friend's wife who told me "you are so pretty, I'd love to give you a proper make-over."

stampsurprise · 12/02/2021 16:24

@MrsKoala

All my best ones come from hairdressers, 2 other corkers were one saying how pretty I’d look with a tan and some highlights as they would make me look ‘less witchy’. Or the one where the hairdresser spent ages gushing about how brilliant she thought it was that I still made an effort with my looks at my age and how she hoped when she was as old as me that she still cared enough to do her hair. I was only fucking 40! 😂

I actually love comments like this tho. They really tickle me. It reveals more about the person saying it than it does about the receiver.

You are so right - it absolutely does! It’s all projection Grin
LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 12/02/2021 16:43

My husband once said to me: "You've got a lovely figure, bearing in mind you've had four kids."

Tiktokersmiracle · 12/02/2021 16:50

My SIL is the queen of backhanded word vomit disguised as niceties.
Like when she saw DD at a party, and said "oh isn't she slim, she's so pretty" followed by "remember when you were like that" to me. Eg, I used to be slim and pretty and presumably I now look like Jabba the Hutt.

Firebird83 · 12/02/2021 22:44

My first boyfriend at a party “you’re actually quite pretty in this light” 😂

Enough4me · 12/02/2021 23:09

Said by friend when we were teenagers and I thought I wore regular clothes, "Well you can get away with wearing really weird clothes"

On another occasion, "well you look sort of healthy, like athletic big" Confused

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