At what age did you lose your virginity?

[toucanem]

Inspired by another thread. I think I was quite late losing mine, I was 25. What about you?

2 weeks before my 16th birthday.

We were living abroad (army brat) and it was common for girls my age to get to know soldiers chatting on the beach. My friends and I started to meet a particular group and I had a huge crush on one (he was 22). He basically pressured me by claiming he loved me, if I really liked him I'd have sex and implied one of the other girls liked him and if I didn't do it she would. I was desperate to prove I wasn't a kid and like a twat thought he liked me.

So one night we had a big group night out in a local resort and his friends rented an apartment to crash at after clubbing. I had far too much to drink and we went back and had sex. It was pretty grim.

Literally the minute it was over he got dressed, announced he was going out and to be gone when he got back. I was a mess, in pain and bleeding. I must have blacked out as I woke to find one of his mates on top of me. I tried to stop it but I was wasted so just froze and let it happen.

With the exception of a close friend at the time (similar happened to her with a soldier) I've never told anyone. I feel quite sick writing this as I can see it for what it was. I still feel dirty and ashamed and angry at all the red flags I missed.

I hope things can be very different for DD.

18, because I didn't want to be a virgin when I started uni so I selected my ex boyfried for the job. It was a disaster, I was too drunk, condom split, I jumped out of the (ground floor) window and ran away--- then came back when I realised it was the middle of the night and I had nowhere to go.

15

14 years and 10m. My ‘high school sweetheart’. He was the same age and we had been dating for 6months. We stayed together for 5 years

16 to my DH. We'd been 'seeing' each other for about a year, he's a bit older than me and refused to do it until I was 16. Here were are 24 years later...

17...I felt it was such a rush to do it before I was 18.

14 - it wasn't consensual, and he told me he had HIV afterwards - he didn't (well, if he did he didn't infect me), but I had a good few years of being terrified afterwards.

16 for full PIV with my first boyfriend, were together 2 years after that, all very nice and we got better at it than the hilarious first time.

13+ for everything else - no regrets whatever, my teenage best friend and I basically just spent our time learning what we were both interested in as extremely horny hormonal teens and I'm still on good terms with him now. It was an excellent foundation for my later sex life: very emotionally healthy and lots of discussion about boundaries (in a teenage way that made sense to us at the time).

15 and very ready. We both virgins and I definitely instigated it. I don't regret being young. I have a high sex drive and spent 2 years with the same lad. Loads of fun was had.

I was 17 when I first slept with a girl (very drunk but just about remember it), she was one of my friends, and identified as gay at the time, she didn't lol.
18 when I first had sex with a man, I think he was 26? I was out clubbing with my friends and I went back to his hotel room with him. Probablh not the wisest thing to do. He was very kind and gentle though, but i was drunk again (a running theme) I can't remember his name which is a shame. I don't regret it though.
To those who have been abused, it is not your fault and please don't feel ashamed! The only people who should feel ashamed are the ones who did it

That was meant to say I identified as gay

17

24

14 or 15 with a boy of similar age and at my request. I can’t remember which side of my 15th birthday it was. We’d had quite a few oral sessions previously. No regrets at all. I was quite a bookish teen and quiet and felt l needed it.

The only thing it lacked was spontaneity. The whole thing was organised like a military operation, when we knew his parents would be out. Sister was helpful with advice and even drove me over there for the occasion and made herself a cup of coffee in the kitchen while we headed for his bedroom.

I have always taken issue with the term “lose virginity” though. I became sexually active, but l certainly didn’t lose anything.

Following on from my post above, my first shared orgasm was at 14 from oral with the same boy. I was pleased with the running order of things and it set the bar high.

It wasn’t until my 30s (early 40s now) when l discovered l also had female interests which were past the curious stage. 🌈

15, god it's young, I thought I was so grown up at the time 😂

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz that sounds awful, and very scary for you as a teen. The older men should have known better. Even though it was a long time ago you still might benefit from counselling. You have nothing to feel ashamed or dirty about about, it’s those men that should feel bad about what they did.

Thanks Bridgertonian.** I have thought about talking to someone, I just don't feel like I ever want DH to know and it would be tricky arranging this otherwise.

I remember seeing them around during months after doing the exact same thing with other young girls. It was like they were using a script. In the meantime I could hear the whispers about me (slag/tart etc) going around. It definitely shapes how you feel about yourself, what you believe you deserve and what other shit you put up with for a while after.

While in a weird way it's helpful to know there are so many women out there who have had similar experiences to me (and I absolutely realise there are some which were much , much worse) I think actually this thread has been one of the saddest I've read on MN. That this sort of treatment of girls and young women is so everyday.

Sending everyone love

This thread has spoken a lot for natural human emotion and attraction.
Those who started off together while young are still together and in their own words ( still in love with a healthy sex life) probably stand testament to the ingredients of a good relationship.

Porn is something else and while I don't agree with ridding of it completely, I do cringe at some of the stuff on the websites.
Because a right of choice should always be an important factor - as with prostitutes.

Sadly, these arguments appear not to be in mainstream.
I fear some of those who shout the loudest on being heard are denying the same for others.

18

21 to someone a fair bit older. The thought of it/him makes my skin crawl now. I was very shy and he was a bit of a predator really and I've seen him target similar younger women since too.

It was no less a case of "getting it over and done with" than some of my friends who were a lot younger than I had been and I sort of wish I'd done it sooner with someone my own age and who'd been around the block a bit less. That said, it had come such a sticking point for me that getting it out the way did give me the confidence to seek a proper relationship and I met my husband not long afterwards.

@Wotapolava

This thread has spoken a lot for natural human emotion and attraction. Those who started off together while young are still together and in their own words ( still in love with a healthy sex life) probably stand testament to the ingredients of a good relationship.

Porn is something else and while I don't agree with ridding of it completely, I do cringe at some of the stuff on the websites.
Because a right of choice should always be an important factor - as with prostitutes.

Sadly, these arguments appear not to be in mainstream.
I fear some of those who shout the loudest on being heard are denying the same for others.

I don't think we're reading the same thread as I'd say it's 50/50 (and I'm being generous) that having sex so young was a positive healthy thing for posters.

I think you need to read the room before coming on a thread like this and talking about freedom to choose pornography and prostiutes. I think there is a valid discussion to be had on those topics but not on a thread where so many of us are reflecting on, and still recovering from traumatic early sexual experiences.

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz that poster appears to be, well, bonkers, plus to have a strange ability to relate every thread to their own odd agenda. I wouldn't engage.

Thanks for the heads up

@TellMeWhat,

You missed the point and are trying to put words in my mouth.

Dissent harms discussion.
If it doesn't take place on here, it will be said elsewhere.