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Original poster

Breastfed baby and sleeping?

219 replies

Decembertojanuary · 30/12/2020 20:59

Not sure where to put this!

Baby is breastfed, and I’m also expressing. Obviously this takes a lot of time overnight.

I’ve been sitting up in the lounge with baby from midnight until whenever he sleeps (usually around 7am.)

How do others manage this? Just struggling with it but on the other hand I don’t want OH getting no sleep either.

OP posts:
Respectabitch · 30/12/2020 21:01

Why are you sitting up so much?!

I managed it by cosleeping. I'd express in the day if I really needed to express. Your OH can sleep on the couch and give you the bed if he can't be disturbed, you're the one that needs it. Sitting up all night is just going to be kind of grim.

keeperswif · 30/12/2020 21:05

I just co slept first I was a bit more nervous she slept in a cot next to us I fed and put to bed second to tired he slept next to me boob in mouth and that was that husband slept otherwise both got sleep win win

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 30/12/2020 21:11

Sorry not quite sure I understood - are you saying baby doesn’t sleep between 12 and 7? I only express in the daytime after feeds and enough to make one bottle before bedtime. How old is baby?

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Original poster
Decembertojanuary · 30/12/2020 21:12

2 weeks. The baby does sleep on and off but not for long enough for me to sleep. Plus I need to express.

I was just wondering what others did with regard to partners. I can always go in the spare room but I feel more tired in bed.

OP posts:
Respectabitch · 30/12/2020 21:15

Have you tried cosleeping? You can feed while basically not being awake at all yourself, and the baby tends to sleep much longer snuggled against you.

What is driving the need for expressing?

I just really don't think what you're doing right now is sustainable. And you still have the birth to recover from. You're in danger of crashing HARD, physically and mentally.

NaturalStudy · 30/12/2020 21:16

Why are you expressing OP? That might help with advice. Can you go in the spare room and doze, even if its just for 10 minutes? 2 weeks is a very tiring age so you have my sympathy!

Respectabitch · 30/12/2020 21:16

Ps. Partnerwise, DH was in the spare room and baby and I were in the "marital bed".

DH would also sit up with the baby until midnight or 1 or so so I could get a few hours in bed alone.

Original poster
Decembertojanuary · 30/12/2020 21:19

Breastfeeding isn’t very easy respect or I would! As it is it’s a struggle.

natural I don’t always get baby into breast and when I do I’m not sure how much he gets.

OP posts:
Respectabitch · 30/12/2020 21:21

What is weight gain like? Nappies? You never really know how much a BF baby is taking, but it's much more important to monitor output than input. Is baby over birth weight? Were you advised to express and top up by midwives?

Indecisivelurcher · 30/12/2020 21:26

Argh you can't keep this up lovely. Your options are, pump and feed at same time. Ditch pumping and just keep putting baby on boob, at least at night. Ditch pumping, do boob and formula. If you go with some pumping or some formula, get dh to do a late shift or an early shift so you can get a chunk of sleep. Put ear plugs in.

LividLover · 30/12/2020 21:27

Dear @Decembertojanuary please don’t worry about expressing. It’s not necessary to know how much the baby takes as long as they have plenty of wet and dirty nappies. My baby is a boob hound and I’ve never got more than 1.5oz from a pump - it’s just not necessary.

I used to spend all night sitting up too when he was small and cat nap when I could. I get it. But it’s not healthy after a couple of weeks.

I ended up cosleeping because it was and still is the only way my baby will sleep. Find out how to do it safely if you choose to. Dh has been on the sofa for a while and it’s not ideal but needs must.

Either way - stop wasting your time expressing, honest!

BuntyCollocks · 30/12/2020 21:28

Midwife here. This isn’t sustainable.

Why are you expressing? Is there a weight gain issue? What is baby’s output like ie wet and dirty nappies? You should be able to get a good solid 2-3 hr stretch minimum if someone else has the baby immediately after feeding. You are going to make yourself ill, lovely. Are you still under the care of your midwives or did they discharge on day 10?

mynameiscalypso · 30/12/2020 21:30

I only BF for the first week or so but I also spent a far amount of time sitting on the sofa through the night with DS during that time - I actually preferred it. Often, he would only sleep on me and it was much easier to stay awake with TV and chocolate on hand. We had a Moses basket there too and sometimes I'd be able to put him down for a bit and sleep on the sofa which I do from time to time anyway. No help re expressing I'm afraid as I switched to FF (which made life a lot easier for us)

icedaisy · 30/12/2020 21:31

I wondered if I wrote this.

I'm doing same with second Dd, born two weeks ago. Sleeping on and off in armchair. On verge of breakdown during day plus trying to badly deal with a toddler.

I've today had to introduce formula and am trying to work out a pattern to mix feed, I did mix feed older daughter but that was more force as she wasn't gaining.

This baby sleeps well during day but nights seems unsettled like OP baby all night.

I cannot for the life of me work out how it's possible to Breast feed and parent a two year old. Feel like such a failure.

Scared to go to bed and wake Dd as her room next door. So armchair it is for now.

So no real advice OP but I feel your pain.

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 30/12/2020 21:32

What is weight gain like? Nappies? You never really know how much a BF baby is taking, but it's much more important to monitor output than input. Is baby over birth weight? Were you advised to express and top up by midwives?

^^ this. Don’t express at this stage unless you have to. At two weeks old baby will feed a lot and cluster feeding is totally normal. Look at safe cosleeping and get yourself to bed! Sitting up half the night with a baby is not safe or sustainable. You may well find baby sleeps better next to you.

My partner always stayed in the same bed as us (baby on my side obviously and following safe cosleeping guidelines). I never understand why people kick their partners out- baby is their responsibility too even if they can’t feed!

You’re right in the thick of it now but hang in there because you’re doing great and it will get easier.

Original poster
Decembertojanuary · 30/12/2020 21:34

Expressing is the main way I get breastmilk into him! He’s not reliably able to breastfeed yet and I’ve been advised to express at night.

There’s no way I can breastfeed and express at the same time - breastfeeding is not easy!

OP posts:
Respectabitch · 30/12/2020 21:36

I never understand why people kick their partners out

Fwiw, it was because I found it easier and more comfortable to have the whole bed and it made it easier for him to do the early night shift (8pm-midnight or 1) downstairs with baby and then take baby for a looooong morning sling walk while I got a couple more hours of shuteye alone. Having him in the same bed made all three of us less rested. But it's whatever works for the couple.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/12/2020 21:38

Struggled with breastfeeding dd2 who is now 8 wks. I never expressed though- sorry the first few weeks are hard enough. I introduced 1 formula bottle to get some sleep and then fed through the rest, diff techniques and positions- defo all got easier by wk 3/4.

Don’t worry about stressing how much your baby has had, you just feed on demand at this age. Cluster feeding is usual, snacks ready and the remote nearby for that. As for sleeping, baby is in our bed with me and DH on the couch. First baby we slept in the same bed, I put the tv on to feed etc. Sometimes even passed the baby to him to wind when I was shattered. Unless he does a very dangerous job with machines etc. It’s his sodding child to to feel the sleep deprivation

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 30/12/2020 21:38

Fair enough @Respectabitch agree it’s each to their own. I made him suffer! 🤣

@Decembertojanuary what do you mean by ‘he’s not reliably able to breastfeed yet’?

UncleBunclesHouse · 30/12/2020 21:39

I disagree with those dismissing expressing - my DS had a tongue tie and really struggled with BF, the whole ‘roll over in bed’ approach lots seem to have success with would have never worked and the expressing was a way I could keep my production up as well as knowing he had actually got some breast milk amongst the struggles. OP you say it’s not easy to BF - it’s not in general for many - but if really struggling could it be a latching problem or tongue tie? If you’re happy to ditch it or do a combination with formula etc do that. If you felt like I did and want to keep expressing, I’d try to identify your most productive time whatever that is for you and plan to maximise that time, drop the night time pumping if you can or get it at the same time as feeding on the other side. Very expensive but I found an Elvie pump a godsend. You can find second hand which I don’t personally see a problem with if thoroughly sterilised but understand may not be comfortable for everyone.

Respectabitch · 30/12/2020 21:41

@Decembertojanuary

Expressing is the main way I get breastmilk into him! He’s not reliably able to breastfeed yet and I’ve been advised to express at night.

There’s no way I can breastfeed and express at the same time - breastfeeding is not easy!

I think you need some more support with BF tbh, and at least to try cosleeping so you get more sleep at night. Have you been signed off by midwives? Is baby over birth weight? What's the issue with bf - latch? Poor sucking? Has tongue tie been considered?

If you have some funds then I would really recommend a consultation (possibly remote) with a proper lactation counsellor. BF is not always easy by any means but you really need help as you can't go on as you are. Take it from someone who didn't heed the advice about how you will feel like you got run over by a truck by 6 weeks unless you rest every chance you get, and proved it 100% right.

BumbleNova · 30/12/2020 21:41

Why is he not able to breastfeed? Do you have a specific issue?

I echo others here, ditch the expressing. I'm sat feeding my second. Will baby not settle not in your arms?

I co slept with my first. No 2 is totally different and will sleep in a sleepyhead swaddled.

Indecisivelurcher · 30/12/2020 21:43

Breastfeeding is not easy, no. It's a learnt skill, for both of you. But you also need to sleep. Can you just express once a night?

Original poster
Decembertojanuary · 30/12/2020 21:48

Honestly have tried everything with breastfeeding. Lactation help, midwife support, tongue tie checked and snipped. Honestly, everything.

And it’s better but this idea of rolling over and letting baby onto breast is not going to happen any time soon, I wish it would!

OP posts:
cretelover · 30/12/2020 21:48

Hi OP. Please looking into getting your baby checked for tongue tie even if the hospital has said there's not a problem. They often miss it. Also get yourself some nipple shields to help baby latch. You can't go on like this. If you are determined to keep expressing there's a milk collector thing called a haaka ( not sure on spelling) which you attach to the other breast while the baby is feeding. Never used it but believe they are good, they suction on. My dd didn't sleep so I used to go to bed 8pm til midnight, stay up 12-4 then switch with dh again before he went to work. I also second co sleeping, even if you can't bring yourself to sleep soundly it's better than sitting on the sofa all night, where its dangerous to fall asleep ( as I'm sure you know). The early days are so tough.