Breastfed baby and sleeping?

[Decembertojanuary]

Not sure where to put this!

Baby is breastfed, and I’m also expressing. Obviously this takes a lot of time overnight.

I’ve been sitting up in the lounge with baby from midnight until whenever he sleeps (usually around 7am.)

How do others manage this? Just struggling with it but on the other hand I don’t want OH getting no sleep either.

Sorry posted same time as you, see you've had the tongue tie snipped.

It does sound very like my DD. Slobbering at the breast for hours on end. Nipple shields did really help.

@Decembertojanuary

Honestly have tried everything with breastfeeding. Lactation help, midwife support, tongue tie checked and snipped. Honestly, everything.

And it’s better but this idea of rolling over and letting baby onto breast is not going to happen any time soon, I wish it would!

It was wishful thinking for me too and couldn't ever Co sleep. Do whatever is best for you. Maybe try nipple shields if it's a latch issue. You're not weak or missing a trick, people need sleep!!!

I love breastfeeding and want every woman who wants to do it to have the support she needs, but your needs matter too. Please do have a play with your current routine, whether that means sleeping with baby in bed even if you still have to sit up to BF/express, doing shifts with your DH, etc. And do consider trying nipple shields if you haven't already. If you end up needing to introduce some formula during the day, it is not the end of the world or of breastfeeding. (I would suggest adding formula during the day if you choose to as this lets baby keep feeding at night to maintain your supply, and you'd still know he was getting enough.)

I am honestly just worried for you. Please take care of yourself too.

My little boy was up every 1.5 hrs at night in the early days, he had a tongue tie and never latched on properly. Nipple shields were the only thing that worked. Some midwives have a bit of a vendetta against them but they let me bf successfully so I'd really recommend giving them a go. Also the haaka, I could get ozs at a time with that especially at the start before my supply regulated. So it might let you drop an expressing session.
I slept in the main bed and my baby was in the next to me cot beside me. Co sleeping was never an option for me as like you he'd never have latched himself he needed help. Breastfeeding is hard and if it isn't working for you I think it's really important to remember that formula isn't the enemy, it's food. My baby is now fully formula fed and do you know what? He sleeps through the night and is a happy lovely baby. Hugs to you OP

Cosleeping isn't synonymous with side-lying feeding though. If you CAN feed on your side, it makes cosleeping really great for maximising sleep, but you can still cosleep and feed your baby sitting up. It's being close to you that usually helps them sleep better, not what position you feed them in. You can settle the baby next to you after they feed.

Weirdly, my newborn took to the breast much more easily once he'd already had a swig of formula. I know they say to always offer the breast first, and I still did, but he would inevitably bob about haplessly and reject it. So we'd give in and prepare a bottle, feed it to him, then amazingly once back on the breast he was keener and more able to breastfeed! I've no idea why, but by the time he was 3 weeks old we were able to phase out formula altogether (he had moved to predominantly breastfeeding gradually over that time). I then exclusively breast-fed till toddler-hood and it was a piece of cake after those first few weeks. Oh, and I never coslept. Best of luck however you do it. Sleep is important.

Honestly OP this isn't sustainable and I'm concerned you're going to crash

You're on the newborn high right now, but in a few weeks that'll end and you'll start to feel to effects

You can't continue with this, it's madness. It's also very dangerous in case you can asleep on the sofa with baby.

I couldn't get feed on the side without it giving me awful backache, and baby constantly waking for 3 sucks but I was based in bed, with baby in the co sleeper or in my arms. Husband took a lot of the cuddling/resettling duties, and tried to give me as much chance to sleep as possible.

You don't need to express, I'd skipnthst and concentrate on trying to work in getting baby to feed from your and if they means needing your partner to help 10 times a night then so be it. There are no awards for being a martyr and doing it yourself. Alternatively if you want to pump, try using a hakkaa at the same time m or love to formula. Again, there are no awards for breastfeeding, or doing it all yourself.

How an you say I don’t need to express? Maybe if I don’t want to breastfeed, but out of eight breastfeeds a day we might have two successful ones and that’s on a good day(and yes have done the tongue tie, rugby ball hold, support from midwives, support from la leche, sticking my nipples in water from the first moon of the cycle, etc.)

If I want to breastfeed him, and I do, I need to express.

Is baby gaining weight OK? Does baby have plenty of wet and dirty nappies? If so then you shouldn't need to express as well...

But if you still feel you need to feed from a bottle too and you're sitting up all night long I'd say that isn't sustainable and consider formula? If you've BF for 2 weeks already thats a great start for baby right there! But an unhappy, extreme sleep deprived mum isn't going to do herself or baby any favours. Happy mum happy baby. Do what you need to survive for yourself AND baby.

I'd put the energy that you are putting into expressing into getting those feeds to work
What does a successful feed look like, and an unsuccessful one? If the latch isn't right, try again, and again.

Do you mean that with an unsuccessful ref he doesn't ever properly latch and you end up giving the expressed milk? Is that what your a expressing for?

Did the middle/HV team you that you needed to express? Did they say why?

Look, he doesn’t breastfeed, so if I want him to have breast milk, expressing is where we are at. Thanks.

Look, there's no need to be snarky,n I'm up at this ungodly hour with a bf child (now toddler) myself.

Most of us have queried why you are expressing as well, and trying to get to the bottom of what's going on here.

If he doesn't breastfeed, then in guessing it's bottles most of the time, do why isn't your partner doing a lot of the night time ones, and your just set an alarm to express every 3 hours?

I’m not being snarky at all, I’m just answering why people are demanding to know why I am expressing. My partner isn’t doing the night feeds because he’s a man and can’t express milk. I am honestly sorry if that comes over as snarky but surely that is fairly obvious?

You do realise that a man can feed a baby a bottle right?

You express it goes into a bottle, he feeds baby...

He deals with all/most of the night bottles right now as you are exhausted and you wake to express every 3/4 hours.

And people aren't demanding to know anything, you posted asking for help, and some of us are trying to help.

weall I don’t mean this rudely but do you know how expressing works? I REALLY don’t mean to sound arsey there. But feeding baby takes seconds. It is expressing that takes an age.

Besides I am trying to breastfeed. I might be failing miserably, but I am trying.

So since midnight we have had - I expressed milk from both breasts. Bottle fed baby my expressed milk at 1 am.

1:30-3:30, desperate attempts to breastfeed. Failed miserably. Finally went to the toilet as baby roared the house down. Daddy came out and picked baby up. Baby fell asleep immediately. I expressed.

Baby now in his rocker and just stirring. Will try another probably rubbish breastfeed in a bit.

I sleep early evening (9-12) and early morning (7-10) ish. I’m fine.

I'm sorry, I've been doing this for 21 months now, so yes, I may have some idea how expressing works.But if you want to teach us all how it works and how we know nothing, then why are you bothering asking for help?

Breastfeeding shouldn't take seconds! My child is a quick feeder, but even then you are after a minimum of 5-10 minutes. Seconds isn't a feed.

I think you need to talk this through with someone at a sane hour.

I note that your express, feed it almost immediately to your baby, then try to breastfeed. Obviously baby isn't interested - they've just eaten. It needs to be the other way round.

Why doesn't dad feed some of the bottles so you can sleep? If needs be, give one formula feed so that you can get after with your pumping stash.

But you need to be getting some rest at night. This sitting up malarkey is madness, and your nightly schedule doesn't make a lot of sense if I'm honest. Or that could be 4am talking.

If you want to try getting him on boob during the night, how about

• baby wakes, you try to get him latched on and feeding. If that fails, you call down husband, he feeds the earlier expressed bottle then resettles baby whilst you express, put milk in fridge for next time and go to bed. Repeat...

OP your at a really tough stage, no matter how BF is going. At that stage I too spent most of the night sat up as the baby would only sleep on me and I found it easier to stay awake. I wasn’t comfortable with the risk of falling asleep with a tiny newborn so didn’t want to cosleep.

I used to get DH to take over for a couple of hours from about 6ish and I’d also get a few hours sleep in the evening plus whatever I could manage when baby was asleep in the day.

If I was you I would focus on trying to BF in the day. Really persevere with those feeds. Then at night I would aim to express every 3-4 hours and have Daddy give at least one of the night bottles, maybe more. That should give you a bit of sleep in the night too.

It is definitely possible to BF and express at the same time. In fact with my second I could only express whilst feeding, otherwise nothing came out. Most people get more volume if feeding from the other side. It does take a bit of practice though. You might need to get your partner to help to start with. I found it easiest to get baby settled on the breast first then attach the pump. If you can afford it I would recommend an Elvie pump which is hands free but expensive.

Good luck!

weall in that case I don’t know what the issue is. Of course I don’t think I know everything, that is why I am asking advice here. But the instruction you gave me, to express three hourly and wake my OH up to give baby the milk I express, is nonsensical - it doesn’t give me any more sleep, it gives OH much less sleep, and it means attempts to breastfeed are null and void which obviously isn’t what we want.

I’ve clearly rubbed you up the wrong way, not my intention. I just genuinely don’t understand.

Baby is having more formula than I’d like already. I really don’t want to bring more in.

There’s no way I could get baby to breastfeed and express milk, I can’t get baby to breastfeed anyway half the time!

Also I don’t express then feed baby then breast feed. I breastfeed then top up with expressed milk and formula. But half the time he won’t breastfeed, so we are very reliant on what I express.

I’m honestly not sure where OH comes into this, though. I’m so not trying to sound difficult. Just that giving bottles is the easy bit. It’s trying (and miserably failing!) to breastfeed and expressing milk that takes hours and hours. And OH can’t help with that.

I think the 'dont you know how expressing works' is pretty patronising, but it's gone 4am and we are all knackered and grumpy.

What I suggested makes sense. It means your baby has more chance of a successful breastfeed, it means you have more chance at sleep,name yes it means your husband has less, but I'm sure he'll live with that short term.

Trying to breastfeed after expressing and after baby has had a bottle feed is nuts. Would you want a meal just after finishing dinner? Start with the breast, and use previously expressed milk as contingency if, and only if that fails. Your boobs will be more full of milk too.

If this concept confuses you, then I think you need to talk it through with someone.

Is he still not satisfied after an expressed fees? That's where your partner comes in, because if bf isn't working and you want to top up, you hand over to him and then go to bed!

It was a genuine question. Many people don’t. They think you sit on a pump for five minutes and that’s it, since you do know it takes a lot of time then I guess that’s why I’m up all night.

Topping up a feed takes seconds. I can do that in five minutes, it would take more time to wake oh up.