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Friends seem unhappy about our house move

284 replies

blarbed · 04/11/2020 13:55

We are moving into a bigger house in the village where my children go to school. It has taken me by surprise that people, who are thought were friends, seem disappointed and negative about it. I'm the sort of person who bigs up my friends' achievements, so I find it hard to get my head around this. I'm presuming they are jealous or maybe feel threatened in some way? However, they live in houses similar to the one we are buying, so I don't really get it. Previously we were relatively less well off.

A couple of my friends have been very pleased and excited for us, but a close friend of mine could not hide her disappointment, written all over her face. She had nothing nice to say and instead asked how long our chain was (hoping it might not happen?). Another friend just avoided eye contact with me and did not say a single word for the whole conversation.

Another Mum, who I know more as an acquaintance, and who I will be moving around the corner from, just stepped away from the group, and kept her head down. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately - and then her reaction showed she had heard, but did not seem happy about it. She does not know me very well but our sons are in the same year, so surely it's a nice thing that more school friends will be around?

WTF? Is this normal?

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 04/11/2020 13:57

You have strange friends.

Napqueen1234 · 04/11/2020 13:59

That is really bizarre OP.

BlueDaysTillChristmas · 04/11/2020 14:00

Do they like your previous status as the ‘poor friend’?

Beamur · 04/11/2020 14:00

It's a shame if they can't be happy for you.

renallychallenged · 04/11/2020 14:01

Maybe they know something about the house. Ex brothel / murder etc ?

Gaoth · 04/11/2020 14:02

Well, with the woman who will be your neighbour and whose child is in your son’s class, I’d be wondering whether the children don’t get along, and whether she thinks the proximity will be awkward.

With the others — I don’t know. How close are you to them? We only moved countries in early 2020, so I’m on very new terms with the other school run parents whose children hang out with mine, but they’ve been very supportive and kind about our very rocky road to buying a house, and delighted we finally moved in. And while I’ve only ever been in one of their houses, I think the one we just bought is probably bigger and in a more prestigious area (though a wreck that needs a lot of work...) No green eye at all.

olivesonapizza · 04/11/2020 14:02

How bizarre. Not normal at all.

Lsquiggles · 04/11/2020 14:03

@BlueDaysTillChristmas

Do they like your previous status as the ‘poor friend’?
This was my first thought too. It's a shame you don't have nicer friends who can be happy for you
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 04/11/2020 14:05

Id be concerned they knew something about the house, but didn't want to be the one to tell you. I'd start asking them (privately).

Oldbutstillgotit · 04/11/2020 14:06

Years ago I was friendly with someone who was seriously pissed off that we bought a more expensive house than her with a higher Council Tax band !
Some people are simply odd.

WitchFindersAreEverywhere · 04/11/2020 14:07

Perhaps they prefer friendships at arm’s length and are less keen to have a friend as a close neighbour.
Have you asked favours of them in the past?

unmarkedbythat · 04/11/2020 14:07

Is there something else to this, OP, because otherwise, that's one very odd group of 'friends' you have.

GertiMJN · 04/11/2020 14:08

The reactions you describe seem to be so odd and by so many people that I'm wondering if you are expecting something different from what most people would do ...?

A friend's move from one house in the area to another house in the area would not be a significant thing for me. I wonder if you would interpret my reaction as being jealous?

Anoisagusaris · 04/11/2020 14:09

Very strange. Are you sure they like you and your child? Have there been any issues? That’s not normal behaviour.

EatPrayYoga · 04/11/2020 14:09

Yes it's very odd in case there is something else going on. Do you actually brag a lot and not realise it?

PersonaNonGarter · 04/11/2020 14:10

You are making some big assumptions here.
Including that the friend actually wants you as a neighbour.

There are a lot of reasons why your decision might prompt feelings in all these people. Maybe they had put in a bid for the house, or their parents/friends had. Maybe your child upsets the new neighbour’s child. Maybe you have a reputation for playing grime at top volume at 4am.

Don’t assume it is because you are marvellous and everyone else is jealous. I am not saying that’s not the reason, just that there are more options.

WitchFindersAreEverywhere · 04/11/2020 14:13

There are constant threads about CF neighbours, and none of them are ever MNetter’s. Not ever never. Confused

Thinkingg · 04/11/2020 14:15

I can't really get excited about other people's house purchases, unless they're a such a close friend that I'm interested in all the boring details of their life, or they are buying a castle / houseboat / mountain-top log cabin.

Maybe some of these people are similar?

blarbed · 04/11/2020 14:15

Hi, no I am not a bragger, and I have no reason to think that there are issues between us or I am not liked. One of the friends can get a bit competitive with me over friendships, so I'm wondering whether she's worried I may be more 'chummy' with the group now I'm moving closer.

Two were really excited - one of which knows the owners very well and actually bigged the house up, saying what a great buy it is. So I don't think there's an issue with the house.

We do live in quite a competitive 'showy' area though, so maybe people are more bothered about what others have (I'm not originally from the area).

OP posts:
blarbed · 04/11/2020 14:16

I also know of no issues with my children. They are quiet at school and well-liked. So the teacher tells me...

OP posts:
Gettingthereslowly2020 · 04/11/2020 14:17

I'm guessing if it was something specific about the house like a murderor something, they'd want to tell you.

If it was one person, I'd write it off as them being a bit odd and unfriendly but because it's a group of people, I'd probably assume it's you that's the problem - I honestly don't mean that in the nasty way it comes across.

Have you offended these friends in some way? Can you be a bit over the top? Or difficult? Try to have a think about any reasons why they might not want you to live nearby.

A pp suggested it could be because you were the "poor friend" and now that is no longer the case, they aren't happy about it. How did the new found wealth come about? You don't have to tell us. Could it be that they feel you have gained an unfair advantage or that you shouldn't have enough money to buy a bigger house for some reason?

Regardless of the reasons, they clearly don't like you so sod the lot of them. Focus on those who do like you and enjoy your lovely new home.

Lardlizard · 04/11/2020 14:19

Oh I thought this was going to be about them being pissed off you are moving away

blarbed · 04/11/2020 14:20

If it's me, then why has this reaction come as a complete shock? They all seem to like me and I am invited to group things. Also, not all were reacting negatively.

The reason we are managing to make this bigger move is because we lived in a small cheap house so that we could make over-payments on the mortgage. We almost paid our house off, so that gave us a substantial deposit. We've lived frugally to afford to make those over-payments, so have never had nice cars or holidays, etc.

OP posts:
dworky · 04/11/2020 14:20

Unfortunately, some people allow envy to get the better of them. You should ignore it as it's actually nothing to do with you.

Meuniere · 04/11/2020 14:21

My reaction would be to think they are not actually friends tbh. Whatever the reason for their reaction.

For the PP who have deduced from the ‘friends’ reactions that the OP must be nightmare neighbour, do you live you like like in RL, just assuming the worse from people? Confused