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Original poster

Friends seem unhappy about our house move

284 replies

blarbed · 04/11/2020 13:55

We are moving into a bigger house in the village where my children go to school. It has taken me by surprise that people, who are thought were friends, seem disappointed and negative about it. I'm the sort of person who bigs up my friends' achievements, so I find it hard to get my head around this. I'm presuming they are jealous or maybe feel threatened in some way? However, they live in houses similar to the one we are buying, so I don't really get it. Previously we were relatively less well off.

A couple of my friends have been very pleased and excited for us, but a close friend of mine could not hide her disappointment, written all over her face. She had nothing nice to say and instead asked how long our chain was (hoping it might not happen?). Another friend just avoided eye contact with me and did not say a single word for the whole conversation.

Another Mum, who I know more as an acquaintance, and who I will be moving around the corner from, just stepped away from the group, and kept her head down. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately - and then her reaction showed she had heard, but did not seem happy about it. She does not know me very well but our sons are in the same year, so surely it's a nice thing that more school friends will be around?

WTF? Is this normal?

OP posts:
myohmywhatawonderfulday · 04/11/2020 15:40

I actually just think thats what people are like. I am the type, that congratulates people, goes out of my way, is genuinely happy when good things happen - so in a way I expect people to be like that back, when good things happen to me....except I have learnt some are, some aren't.

It really is more to do with their own hearts than anything to do with you.

TheCrowsHaveEyes · 04/11/2020 15:40

There could be lots of reasons. It's impossible to tell from the little information you've provided. On the rare occasions I've been concerned about a friend's move, it's been because I was worried they couldn't afford it (I knew they couldn't as I'd helped them work out a budget); when I was sad they were moving further away from me; when they were in an abusive relationship and the house move was a distraction and isolating tactic by their partner. There are a few school parents that I'd be unhappy if they moved closer because I don't mind being polite to them at school but I don't want to be friends with them outside school. It could be any or none of the above.

sonjadog · 04/11/2020 15:41

It is odd behaviour, but my suggestions for the reasons are:

  • Good friend who is disappointed: Is she worried that your friendship will be negatively affected by the move?
  • Friend who said nothing: Doesn´t care. Not interested in houses and house purchasing.
  • Future neighbour: Worried that you will be a nightmare neighbour that she can´t get away from because of having children at the same school.

First and third person will come around.

gumball37 · 04/11/2020 15:43

I'm clueless. It won't happen because I lived over 2 hrs away from where I grew up, but I'd love to have friends move closer to me!

gumball37 · 04/11/2020 15:43

Moved 2 hrs away damnit

blissfulllife · 04/11/2020 15:48

Something similar happened in my friends circle. We all live in the same estate. It's a bit rough but we like it, nice school. We all got on, days out with the kids, cocktail nights in each other's kitchens.

One of the friends came into money and bought a house on a posh estate not too far away. A bloody lovely four bedroom house with a gorgeous view over the nature reserve. I was thrilled for her! But a couple of the other friends were weird about it. And they tried to push her out or ignored her.

Don't know if ur was jealousy,or they just liked having a friend who was down on their luck a lot of the time who they could look down upon 🤷‍♀️

Ihaveyourback · 04/11/2020 15:51

Sometimes people show you who they are, you would be well advised to make take note. They are not 'real' friends and are not happy for you in the least.

This happened to me too, and it was enlightening. It is easy to spot once it has happened a few times. These are not friends, just people you know, keep that in mind and you won't go far wrong.

Crappyfridays7 · 04/11/2020 15:52

I think it’s lovely you’re moving and you have some odd friends if that’s what they are.

However just now there might be some people worrying for their own houses so perhaps hearing you’re doing ok was a bit hard for them - but rubbish to make you feel crap about it.

And my circumstances , I’m in homeless temp accommodation with my kids and have been for 3 years and a wee bit fed up so deep down is have felt a bit of a pang it wasn’t me...but if I was a true friend I’d never have shown you I was upset (my own issues not yours) and been excited for you.
Clearly some people can’t see past their own issues sometimes.

Coyoacan · 04/11/2020 15:54

My reaction would be to think they are not actually friends tbh. Whatever the reason for their reaction

This.

Fortunately you have the other three who are excited about your move in your corner. If I were you, I wouldn't stop speaking to the others or anything so extreme, just not count them as friends.

CheetasOnFajitas · 04/11/2020 15:55

so I mentioned it to her separately - and then her reaction showed she had heard, but did not seem happy about it.

Can you describe her “reaction” a bit more? What did she say exactly?

Maybe you brought up the house move at the wrong moment and they were in the middle of something else eg one of them had just told the others she had cancer and you bounced up going “hooray I’m moving house!”.

MikeUniformMike · 04/11/2020 15:56

Not RTFT.
Maybe there is something wrong with the house, or maybe they know something about you or your family that you don't.

Cheeseandwin5 · 04/11/2020 15:57

Could they be sad that you are moving away?

kittykat35 · 04/11/2020 15:59

This might be the issue. They've always seen you as the "poor" neighbours and are now wondering how you have managed to buy a bigger/better house on your (perceived) resources.

Really?? I mean ffs I have never given it a bloody moments thought as to which of my friends is the "poor" one Hmmwho in the world has time for that kind of thinking/carry onConfused OP I REALLY don't think this is a big deal...so you are moving house! Why are you expecting everyone to even give a shit! Maybe they have their own stuff going on.Hmm

JanewaysBun · 04/11/2020 15:59

They sound uninterested rather than jealous I think

Annasgirl · 04/11/2020 16:00

@Witchend

Another Mum, who I know more as an acquaintance, and who I will be moving around the corner from, just stepped away from the group, and kept her head down. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately

This says to me there's something else going on. Either you are known for bragging, your children are nightmares, you're known for having loud parties or some other reason why she doesn't want to encourage a friendship.

But I wonder if there's something here: Having told the group, why did you go and tell her, when you say yourself she's only an acquaintance? Why was it important for her to know?
When we moved (around the village) it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell people we were just moving down the road from them unless they asked. Next door, yes, but not round the corner. That's lots of people and they'll find out soon enough.

This, TBH OP, you sound like a bit of a nightmare. I never told people at the school gate where I was moving to - why on earth would I????
Serin · 04/11/2020 16:03

My guess is that they think you are not quite "good" enough to live in their exclusive little village.
Do you have an accent OP? Or could they be bring racist? Or homophobic?
Either way, I would be wondering whether I'd want to stay "friends" with them .

RhymesWithOrange · 04/11/2020 16:04

Maybe one of the group wanted to buy the house and was outbid by you?

Or one of their relatives is selling it and thinks you've screwed them over on price?

Or you're imagining it all and they're just wrapped up in their own issues?

Or, as PPs have said, you have weird and not nice friends.

MrsGulDukat · 04/11/2020 16:13

Some people arent happy unless they have a "friend" they can feel superior too.

It's like some married/attached people get annoyed when their single friends settle down.

It's like a superiority complex.

Marylou2 · 04/11/2020 16:16

So hard to say what's going on but if you have a genuine relationship with these women could I possibly be a child that's less popular than you think? I have a "friend" that thinks our daughters are close friends. In reality my daughter can't stand her and tries to avoid hers at all costs, for really valid reasons.Could your partner have upset them/or their partners. He/she hasn't been mentioned in this. Also perhaps one or more of your friends is struggling financially. Highly likely in the current environment. Your announcement might have come at the wrong time.

LadyOfTheImprovisedBath · 04/11/2020 16:18

I don't think they're friends.

But I'm also wonder if it's the 'poor' one thing. I have experienced this and had people begrudged us the oddest things.

IL were off about first house - but it was because we weren't doing what they did - buy really small and trade up but we were older with children and in very restricted area with money, catchment and commutes so had to buy what houses we there 3 bed semis and no terraced. Next house wss fine despite being 4 bed.

DinosApple · 04/11/2020 16:19

If they're anything like my local friends (all regular Rightmovers, like I am too), it could be that they know other people who were going to buy it. Or the one that is close by is worried your DC will always be at hers.
We are moving soon, I only told my local friends after we exchanged (things are pretty uncertain at present) - and I put in a plea for old Amazon boxes!

IndieRo · 04/11/2020 16:19

Pure jealousy OP. Don't let them ruin your house move. I wouldn't tell them anything else about it. Best of luck with the new house.

Diavoloroquito · 04/11/2020 16:22

I have found out over the years, that you will find very FEW people who are genuinely happy for you. Even if you congratulate people, they will still show their jealousy when it’s your turn. It’s shocking how people are but that’s life. It’s the same for me. I have many instances when friends haven’t congratulated me or have made comments. But it’s fine for their siblings or cousins to buy things or go on holiday several times a year.....but I can’t go on one holiday?!!

PersonaNonGarter · 04/11/2020 16:23

OP the only reaction you are fishing for is that other people are jealous. They may be. But this doesn’t seem like a jealous reaction:

Another Mum, who I know more as an acquaintance, and who I will be moving around the corner from, just stepped away from the group, and kept her head down. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately - and then her reaction showed she had heard, but did not seem happy about it. She does not know me very well but our sons are in the same year, so surely it's a nice thing that more school friends will be around?

It seems more a worried reaction tbh. And if she’s on the same street is she likely to be jealous of your postcode?

Jroseforever · 04/11/2020 16:30

Not normal

And I suspect you’re seeing shadows where there aren’t any

Unless your “friends” are fruitloops

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