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Friends seem unhappy about our house move

284 replies

blarbed · 04/11/2020 13:55

We are moving into a bigger house in the village where my children go to school. It has taken me by surprise that people, who are thought were friends, seem disappointed and negative about it. I'm the sort of person who bigs up my friends' achievements, so I find it hard to get my head around this. I'm presuming they are jealous or maybe feel threatened in some way? However, they live in houses similar to the one we are buying, so I don't really get it. Previously we were relatively less well off.

A couple of my friends have been very pleased and excited for us, but a close friend of mine could not hide her disappointment, written all over her face. She had nothing nice to say and instead asked how long our chain was (hoping it might not happen?). Another friend just avoided eye contact with me and did not say a single word for the whole conversation.

Another Mum, who I know more as an acquaintance, and who I will be moving around the corner from, just stepped away from the group, and kept her head down. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately - and then her reaction showed she had heard, but did not seem happy about it. She does not know me very well but our sons are in the same year, so surely it's a nice thing that more school friends will be around?

WTF? Is this normal?

OP posts:
SparklyOwl · 04/11/2020 14:22

If it was one person then I would think they have an issue but as there are three, I think that’s unlikely and there is more to it.

draughtycatflap · 04/11/2020 14:23

We’ve experienced this. We lived in a small two bedroom terrace house for years because it was convenient for work and the mortgage was paid off quickly. When we did move we jumped to a four bedroom much larger house and some of our friends just couldn’t cope with it. I guess the fact that they initially all had bigger houses than us and then we leap-frogged over them by quite a substantial amount in terms of house size affected how they perceived us. It was bizarre and I wasn’t expecting it. One particular friend, the first time they came round to the new house the expression on their face looked like they were in physical pain! 🤷‍♀️

kittykat35 · 04/11/2020 14:24

I would think maybe your new neighbour would rather not be your neighbour iyswim OP.

Topseyt · 04/11/2020 14:27

It seems very bizarre. I assume that there must be some sort of backstory, even if you haven't yet stumbled on whatever it is.

Don't pay them any attention. If you and your family are happy about it then that is all that matters.

ThePlantsitter · 04/11/2020 14:28

It is just jealousy. Difficult to believe if you are not the jealous type but probably you have other things going for you on the surface (happy family, good job etc) and the way they felt ok about you was by thinking 'well my house is nicer than hers'.

I reckon they're probably just not v good at hiding it and it'll pass - unless they're absolute twatters, in which case no loss.

Anordinarymum · 04/11/2020 14:30

I don't get why you need to tell everyone. Just move and have done with it. Nobody wants to hear how you justify buying a bigger better house - that's nobody's business but yours surely?

Witchend · 04/11/2020 14:31

Another Mum, who I know more as an acquaintance, and who I will be moving around the corner from, just stepped away from the group, and kept her head down. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately

This says to me there's something else going on. Either you are known for bragging, your children are nightmares, you're known for having loud parties or some other reason why she doesn't want to encourage a friendship.

But I wonder if there's something here: Having told the group, why did you go and tell her, when you say yourself she's only an acquaintance? Why was it important for her to know?
When we moved (around the village) it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell people we were just moving down the road from them unless they asked. Next door, yes, but not round the corner. That's lots of people and they'll find out soon enough.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/11/2020 14:31

'. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately - and then her reaction showed she had heard, but did not seem happy about it. She does not know me very well but our sons are in the same year'

Abit too close for comfort maybe? She might be worried it would be awkward if your sons fall out or don't get on at school and might like to keep herself to herself when it comes to her next door neighbours.

Theladyofshalot · 04/11/2020 14:32

at @draughtycatflap mentions sometimes people just cant get over a perceived change in 'status'. They have you in a box and that is it - you must not moved from our assigned friendship role - be it the 'poor friend' or the 'bohemian free soul' or what other label they have decided.

When my best friend who had been in a cheap ratty house share for years bought her house outright she was ditched by quite a few people. She saved hard, worked two jobs and studied for her new role - lived in a single room to save for that house.

Rather than be happy for her they seemed to take mortal offence and ghosted her.

Lsquiggles · 04/11/2020 14:33

@anordinarymum you'd move house without telling your friends then?

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/11/2020 14:33

Also as others have said I think there's more to to it...

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/11/2020 14:34

Are the three who are being off about it a bit of a clique in themselves?

MessAllOver · 04/11/2020 14:34

I must admit to a slight twinge of jealousy that a close friend has just moved into a huge 4 bed house in a great area with loads of storage. Everything has been done, decor is in her (and my Envy) taste. Meanwhile, looking around the cramped bombsite that we live in...

However, I'd never let it show and I'm very, very pleased for them... They've been living in a cramped flat with 3 small children throughout lockdown which has been incredibly tough (both wfh, her DH in meetings all day, she's been left to manage the children as best she can). So I'm incredibly happy for them and I hope they have a great time, but please allow me a little bit of space to indulge my inner little green man.

Your friends sound like they're not really friends, tbh.

mintich · 04/11/2020 14:34

I've just moved house and have had this with two of my friends. Everyone else has been very positive, giving me decorating ideas etc. But these two also looked pained when I said it had all gone through. Although with them, they are living in small houses, as I was, so are probably feeling envious. I try not to talk about it now, but they are the ones that ask, then look bitter when I answer!
I think your friends liked that you were in a smaller house than them so dont like that it's all evened out.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/11/2020 14:34

to x1

Lieinrequired · 04/11/2020 14:35

I am in a similar situation. When we moved house a few parents of DC's friends behaved strangely. I later found out that we had outbid one of them for the house. More recently we have built an extension and there are endless comments on this from a few. In particular I have been made aware that I have upset the school queen bee because our house is now bigger than hers.

Sadly there are some people who are just too competitive. For any real friends, where you live should not be an issue. It has certainly shown a few people in a new light to me.

BuffaloMozzerella · 04/11/2020 14:35

It's most likely some sort of territorial moving into 'their' patch type thing.

TheCraicDealer · 04/11/2020 14:36

I suppose if you've lived in an affordable house and lived frugally they may have assumed that you weren't as comfortable as them. By moving down the street it maybe suggests to them that the area isn't as aspirational as they thought it was?

That's pure speculation of course. But I would also note that there's a lot of people worried about their jobs, a housing crash, plummeting investments, etc. If they're stressed about affording their own house or present standard of living it might rankle or inspire jealousy hearing someone be happy about making a big jump up the ladder.

forrestgreen · 04/11/2020 14:36

They feel superior to you because you're the poor friend. Now you've put yourselves on a par with them, they feel bad abaout themselves-why can't they afford to move again etc

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/11/2020 14:36

They def sound like a clique who have talked previously

LindaEllen · 04/11/2020 14:37

@renallychallenged

Maybe they know something about the house. Ex brothel / murder etc ?
Haha I was thinking that, but decided not to write it as it made me sound a bit dark .. so I'm glad you did!!
Dustballs · 04/11/2020 14:38

Maybe someone died in a dreadful way in that house - and your friends don't want to tell you ...

RelaisBlu · 04/11/2020 14:40

draughtycatflap something similar happened to me - friends who married before me had already bought houses while I was still renting. After DH & I were married we worked overseas for several years and then were able to go straight to a 5-bedroom house. Their sour reactions made me realise they weren't really friends

Anordinarymum · 04/11/2020 14:40

[quote Lsquiggles]@anordinarymum you'd move house without telling your friends then?[/quote]
I would not boast about it. When I moved I did not say where I was actually moving to - just the area. I did not say I had stepped up to a five bedroomed house as it would have been like a red rag to a bull.

StickTheKettleOnAlice · 04/11/2020 14:41

OP is your new house hill house or bly manor? 👻☠😱

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