Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is this a shitty thing to do?

186 replies

00100001 · 30/10/2020 18:39

DH had today off work, and needed the car. So he dropped me off at work (7mon car journey, 1hr+ walk along country lanes and hills) in morning and was to collect me at 4:30

I was looking every few minutes from around 4:20. My office looks onto the road.
It gets to 4:40, no sign. I WhatsApp him asking when he's due. Not read. I ring him, No answer. I start to get worried. Ring him on his work mobile, no answer. Eventually at 5:10, he WhatsApp me saying he was there are 4:25, and had waited 10 minutes, and then drove home...

I asked where he'd parked, because I had kept an eye out. He'd parked in the car park near reception, which is near my office, but you can't see it from there iyswim? (So how I was supposed to know he was there, is beyond me)

Reception was open and manned, so he could have asked them to ring me, as he didn't have his phone on him.

But no, he's being arsey because he thinks i should have been stood outside waiting for him at exactly 4:30...

Was that shitty of him to leave after 10 minutes?

OP posts:
Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:25

@GreyHare

Bold: All I knew was, he wasn't in the normal space at the normal time. I was unable to get hold of him. So, I was ringing him, and then his work mobile number, then trying to work out what might have happened and what to do next... All the time he was sitting down the way... Not bothering to tell anyone he was there. confused

Again though all the time he was waiting not bothering to tell anyone he was there, you were stood/sat in the office not looking to see if he had maybe parked somewhere else. I think you are both equally to blame for the cock up.

Why would i assume he had parked elsewhere? There was no reason for him to not park I. The usual place. Besides, I did ring him to find out where Ihe was. and he didn't answer. So I assumed he was late, so waited a bit. Rang and messaged both his phones, assumed he was driving and on the way just held up... or worse in an accident.
OP posts:
Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:27

If the bay was closed off or full or whatever ... I'd look elsewhere. But there was no reason to believe there was anything else going on apart from he hadn't arrived yet. Confused

OP posts:
Justnormajean · 30/10/2020 21:28

Have you never left your phone at home?

slipperywhensparticus · 30/10/2020 21:28

What you did wrong was expect him to do the same thing he had always done

And no I wouldn't have been hanging around outside in this weather but it has been pissing it down here

I would check the work cameras just see if he actually did show up his reaction seems....odd? I mean I parked in a different place where you couldn't see i had no phone to tell you I was there i didn't speak to anyone to let you know i was there I know you don't come out till you see the car but its all your fault?

Bluntness100 · 30/10/2020 21:32

Have you just set this up op so your husband gets called a cunt by as many strangers as possible.

If so, well done. Objective achieved.

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:32

@Justnormajean

Have you never left your phone at home?
Of course I have.

But if I left my phone at home, I wouldn't make that the occasion to change a long standing arrangement and then get arsey at the other party for not knowing it had changed ... Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:34

@Bluntness100

Have you just set this up op so your husband gets called a cunt by as many strangers as possible.

If so, well done. Objective achieved.

Well, I'm happy for you to think that your spouse is perfectly reasonable to change longstanding arrangement without telling you and then are perfectly happy for him to be shitty with you for not knowing he had changed it. Smile
OP posts:
FranklySonImTheGaffer · 30/10/2020 21:36

I don't understand why you've had to explain this so many times, it seems perfectly obvious to me that YANBU!

Your DH drops you off and picks you up from the same bay regularly and has done for a long time. Today for some unknown reason he says he parked elsewhere, out of your eye-line, you didn't know he was going to do that so stayed inside waiting for him to arrive.
He left after 10 mins without making any attempt to contact you, leaving you worrying he had been hurt or something.

FWIW I don't think he was there - especially if he can't explain why he parked somewhere else.

I wouldn't argue with him about it though, he's backing himself into a corner with his strop and now can't back down. Just tell him he's being an arse and leave him to strop on his own.

Danni91 · 30/10/2020 21:53

op even tho you agree you both could of done things different youre still carrying on, so im assuming hes probably huffy because he knew you wasn't going to let this go!

Just leave it Jesus christ.

Fwiw, i picked my OH up 5 days a week after work for years - sometimes he didnt show for 15/20 mins depending what meetings he had. It INFURIATED me still does even the thought of it.

He knew i was picking him up, he knew i would be somewhere outside the building, he knew i would wanna get home.
Sometimes my phone died.

A few times i drove home to grab a charger (10min drive, hour to walk - so similar!) But it was tough luck. Id always wait 10/15mins but ive only so much patience sitting in a car by myself waiting for someone who knows im out there some where. Yes i would get annoyed.

The only difference i can see is my OH was held up by meetings, you was held up by not checking because it was raining.

Jux · 30/10/2020 21:55

What if there'd been a delay of some sort at work so you couldn't get out on time? What if you'd fallen, broken your leg and been carted off unconscious to hospital about 10 mins before he arrived?

Had you had a row that morning and he was punishing you?

Bluntness100 · 30/10/2020 21:59

Well, I'm happy for you to think that your spouse is perfectly reasonable to change longstanding arrangement without telling you and then are perfectly happy for him to be shitty with you for not knowing he had changed it

Bit of a reach since I’ve never had this issue and drive myself,,but ok. Whatever gets you through the day, 😃

Danni91 · 30/10/2020 22:00

@Jux

What if there'd been a delay of some sort at work so you couldn't get out on time? What if you'd fallen, broken your leg and been carted off unconscious to hospital about 10 mins before he arrived?

Had you had a row that morning and he was punishing you?

Then he would of been right up the hospital when he found out or got in contact.

Lets.not forget he drove straight back to pick her up 🤨

op clearly filtered her first post to drip feed minor bits about the whole situation.

Many drama

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 22:06

... But I was checking. And yes, I could have checked he'd parked in the car park... I suppose. Although, I had no reason to assume anything other than he had been held up.

So excuse me if I'm confused as to why him fucking off after 10 minutes of waiting in a different unseen location without telling me is my fault. 🤷‍♀️

Imagine if... You always go shopping on a Thursday at 5:30 at Tesco with your mum and you always meet her in the cafe and have coffee first. So in case one of you is held up, no harm done.
Then, randomly, your mum decides to suddenly wait for you by the pharmacy counter. She doesnt tell you this. And then you finally get hold of her, and she walks upto the cafe and is cross with you, because she'd been waiting at the pharmacy... In fact she'd waited for 20 minutes and decided to go home.

Now, according to some posters, the person to blame for this situation happening is YOU. You shouldn't have assumed you were meeting at the cafe, you should have checked the pharmacy counter, you should have been waiting at the store entrance... And your mum has every right o be arsey with you.

OP posts:
Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 22:09

@Danni91 well, if your partner changes a long standing arrangement, doesn't tell you, fucks off, comes back after you fjnnall3get hold of him and he's arsey with you for not being psychic... then you can sit back knowing you won't be cross, because obviously all of that was your fault and you will apologise to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 22:11

@Bluntness100

Well, I'm happy for you to think that your spouse is perfectly reasonable to change longstanding arrangement without telling you and then are perfectly happy for him to be shitty with you for not knowing he had changed it

Bit of a reach since I’ve never had this issue and drive myself,,but ok. Whatever gets you through the day, 😃

... I drive. But didn't have the car that day because he needed it... Hence him having to drop me off and pick me up...
OP posts:
Danni91 · 30/10/2020 22:14

@00100001

... But I was checking. And yes, I could have checked he'd parked in the car park... I suppose. Although, I had no reason to assume anything other than he had been held up.

So excuse me if I'm confused as to why him fucking off after 10 minutes of waiting in a different unseen location without telling me is my fault. 🤷‍♀️

Imagine if... You always go shopping on a Thursday at 5:30 at Tesco with your mum and you always meet her in the cafe and have coffee first. So in case one of you is held up, no harm done.
Then, randomly, your mum decides to suddenly wait for you by the pharmacy counter. She doesnt tell you this. And then you finally get hold of her, and she walks upto the cafe and is cross with you, because she'd been waiting at the pharmacy... In fact she'd waited for 20 minutes and decided to go home.

Now, according to some posters, the person to blame for this situation happening is YOU. You shouldn't have assumed you were meeting at the cafe, you should have checked the pharmacy counter, you should have been waiting at the store entrance... And your mum has every right o be arsey with you.

I dunno if thats my comment you are replying too but..

You are assuming hes held up/in an accident/not coming.
Hes probably assuming you have left/aint coming/been held up

Hes arsey because he was stuck waiting

You are arse because you was stuck waiting

He didnt have a phone to contact you on, you had feet to go out and check tho

It's defo 50/50
Its 100% not worth arguing about

It is done now, next time he will take his phone and next time you will go check. Does it really need a whole new level of he said she said?

Just apologize to each other and its done?

My opinion would be different if this was a regular thing but once ??

You both are going to ruin a whole evening over 1 thing? C'mon just cuddle both say sorry be done. Its really not a huge incident

Nicknacky · 30/10/2020 22:14

I think you need two cars from now on. Especially if this is the way you carry on about a really minor misunderstanding.

Danni91 · 30/10/2020 22:25

[quote 00100001]@Danni91 well, if your partner changes a long standing arrangement, doesn't tell you, fucks off, comes back after you fjnnall3get hold of him and he's arsey with you for not being psychic... then you can sit back knowing you won't be cross, because obviously all of that was your fault and you will apologise to him.[/quote]
As my original comment said..

Ive been your partner, stuck waiting, no phone. I was annoyed so i drove home to get my phone. I drove back to pick him up.

It was over and done with after few mins bickering in the car.

And its happened more than once! He would do the same

I wouldnt dream of walking into his workplace and getting someone to go get him. Hes a fully grown man he can deal with some rain whilst he looks (but thats just us!) Smile

SummerHouse · 30/10/2020 22:28

You are right op. Yes you can forgive him. Yes you can maybe see that he made a decision based on man facts. But you are, and will always be, right on this.

Justnormajean · 30/10/2020 22:33

Yes you are right.
Awful, appalling behaviour.
Unforgivable
Never let it happen again. LTB

Rosebel · 30/10/2020 22:35

You should have gone and looked. I mean he wasn't there at the usual time but rather than have a quick look to see if he was parked elsewhere you start ringing him up. Surely the logical thing is to look first.
I would be pissed off if I went to pick my husband up he wasn't there. If I was nice enough to go back and get him and he started moaning I'd be in a foul mood.
I actually think you are totally in the wrong. Next time I expect your husband won't bother to pick you up and I don't blame him.

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 22:43

OK, rosebel. I can't possibly expect my dh to pick me up again. It's all my fault.

I shall solve the problem by never letting him use my car ever again, he can sort himself out on his days off from now on. I can, of course, pick him up, a d naturally I will park in a random location and expect him to look for me in a ten minute window and drive off merrily when he hasn't shown up, and will be a total arse to him when I drive back for him a bit later at the agreed place.

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Noidea2114 · 30/10/2020 22:43

Op as usual there are a lot of bitc** on here tonight. Why he couldn't have just gone into the reception before driving off.
He's an are*.

Frdd · 30/10/2020 22:49

Is there other shit going on between you because this just seems a whole load of fuss about very little.

KooKooKachu · 30/10/2020 23:03

@Bluntness100

Well, I'm happy for you to think that your spouse is perfectly reasonable to change longstanding arrangement without telling you and then are perfectly happy for him to be shitty with you for not knowing he had changed it

Bit of a reach since I’ve never had this issue and drive myself,,but ok. Whatever gets you through the day, 😃

If you've never had this issue and can't relate to what the OP is saying, how is your contribution to the thread helpful? Hmm

If someone normally does x, then one day they do y, how is the other person supposed to mind read?