Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is this a shitty thing to do?

186 replies

00100001 · 30/10/2020 18:39

DH had today off work, and needed the car. So he dropped me off at work (7mon car journey, 1hr+ walk along country lanes and hills) in morning and was to collect me at 4:30

I was looking every few minutes from around 4:20. My office looks onto the road.
It gets to 4:40, no sign. I WhatsApp him asking when he's due. Not read. I ring him, No answer. I start to get worried. Ring him on his work mobile, no answer. Eventually at 5:10, he WhatsApp me saying he was there are 4:25, and had waited 10 minutes, and then drove home...

I asked where he'd parked, because I had kept an eye out. He'd parked in the car park near reception, which is near my office, but you can't see it from there iyswim? (So how I was supposed to know he was there, is beyond me)

Reception was open and manned, so he could have asked them to ring me, as he didn't have his phone on him.

But no, he's being arsey because he thinks i should have been stood outside waiting for him at exactly 4:30...

Was that shitty of him to leave after 10 minutes?

OP posts:
Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 20:48

@JenniferSantoro

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t be waiting downstairs for him if he was coming for you at a particular time. Strange for him to drive off, although you did say he came back for you. Just sounds like poor communication from the pair of you.
Because the drop off bay is literally just outside my window... I go out if my office, walk 10 paces, turn left, walk 10 more paces and walk out the door to the bay....

I always wait for him to pull up and the. Get up and leave.

So he normally has to wait around 30s...occasionally upto 1 minute if I bump into someone on the shirt walk

Its been like this for years. So why would I suddenly have ti's rand outside waiting for him?

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 30/10/2020 20:51

@Piwlyfbicsly

What an unhealthy behaviour from your DH. I mean... mine would just text “I’m downstairs” or “I’m here”. I don’t get it.
RTFT He didn’t have his phone
BlueThistles · 30/10/2020 20:51

this is very weird....

Weird that you didn't just go down at the arranged 16:30 Confused

Weird that he just drove off after 10 mins of waiting without just walking into reception Confused

Glad you got home safe though OP, it's so cold and dark now Flowers

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 20:51

[quote ExclamationPerfume]@00100001 You seem very reluctant to take any blame for the situation. He was doing you a favour and you couldn't be bothered to be ready on time.[/quote]
Because I did nothing wrong.

I kept an eye for him arriving in the usual place. As I always do when he picks me up.
I kept looking after he was late.
I rang him to make sure he was OK.

I'm not sure what I did wrong? Confused he is the one that changed the long standing arrangement, without any way of telling me, nor making effort to tell me via reception, and then he drove away agyer 10 minutes. Having no idea where I was, or why I was "late".

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/10/2020 20:53

You''re both odd. If I told my to pick me up at 4.30 I would be outisde waiting for him at that time, or just a min or 2 late max. If you wanted to only go out once you saw him you should have told him you would watch from the window when you discussed the pickup with him.

He is odd for not investigating where you were, despite not having his phone with him.

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 20:54

He has picked me up from the bay in the same manner around 6 times a year for the last 7 years.

Why would I magically know he had driven past and parked further down the way?

Yes, hands up, I missed him driving past. My bad.

But had he parked I front of my window I would have spotted him quickly and zoomed out, apologising if I had kept him waiting...

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/10/2020 20:57

If I’m getting picked up, I make my way tot the person who is picking me up, I don’t expect them to come looking for me.

Although op, you are coming across that you expects everyone to agree with you!

And to be honest, this is such a minor event that I can’t believe you are still dwelling on it hours a later and have even mentioned checking cctv.....

Dawnlassie · 30/10/2020 21:00

Why would i ring at 4:30 on the dot?

To ask if he was waiting somewhere you could not see him perhaps, since you stated above that he '...was to collect me at 4:30'.

Given you had not agreed upon a specific place for him to park I dont think you can be absolved from all blame here. Anyway this is such a trivial matter is does not need analysing to the nth degree or either of you getting in a huff about. Next time make a proper plan if both of your communication is this shit.

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:01

@CurlyhairedAssassin

You''re both odd. If I told my to pick me up at 4.30 I would be outisde waiting for him at that time, or just a min or 2 late max. If you wanted to only go out once you saw him you should have told him you would watch from the window when you discussed the pickup with him.

He is odd for not investigating where you were, despite not having his phone with him.

As I've said many times.... We ALWAYS do this.

He changed the normal arrangement with no means of telling me, nor making any attempt to get hold of me through receptio... And then drove off after I hadn't turned up.

If I was picking up DH in this scenario. I wouldn't have changed the usual location. And if I changed places, I would have popped into reception to ask them to ring over.
And if my husband hadn't shown up after 10 minutes of me turning up, even in the normal place, my reaction would be to wonder what had happened, if he'd hurt himself/f he'd got held up/ sat there grumbling etc.
I certainly wouldn't fuck off home and leave him there, and then be arsey with him about the whole situation. Especially as having to wait that long had never happened before.

OP posts:
Dawnlassie · 30/10/2020 21:03

We ALWAYS do this

ALWAYS.......

...apart from this time. What do they say about assumption being the brother of all fuck ups.

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:04

@Dawnlassie

Why would i ring at 4:30 on the dot?

To ask if he was waiting somewhere you could not see him perhaps, since you stated above that he '...was to collect me at 4:30'.

Given you had not agreed upon a specific place for him to park I dont think you can be absolved from all blame here. Anyway this is such a trivial matter is does not need analysing to the nth degree or either of you getting in a huff about. Next time make a proper plan if both of your communication is this shit.

Why would we agree on a specific place to park... When he always parks in the bay?

Like I said before, hecollects me around 6 times year, for the past 7 years. Always in the bay.

So why would I do anything different to normal?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/10/2020 21:05

So what did he say when you asked why he parked in a different place?

TitianaTitsling · 30/10/2020 21:06

Would he have been allowed to enter reception to find you/ask for you?

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:06

@Dawnlassie

We ALWAYS do this

ALWAYS.......

...apart from this time. What do they say about assumption being the brother of all fuck ups.

Yes, and the person who deviated from the always is the person that had no way of telling me that, nor made any attempt to tell me.

He had no reason to not park in the bay. Because its a long bay that fits 3 cars, and it was empty all day.

He still can't explain why he parked in the car park... He just did 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
popsydoodle4444 · 30/10/2020 21:07

"I parked elsewhere and left my phone at home"

More like "I forgot to pick you up and have lied about it by saying I parked elsewhere and left my phone at home to make you seem like the guilty party"

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:07

@TitianaTitsling

Would he have been allowed to enter reception to find you/ask for you?
Yes. Door wide open and manned. He even knows the receptionist and is well known.
OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/10/2020 21:08

So next time you both know to make it explicitly clear what the arrangements are.

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:11

Well, I feel like I shouldn't have to tell him that the pick up place is the same place as it has been the last 40+ times... But I will... Because obviously him changing the normal arrangements and not telling me is my fault ConfusedHmm

OP posts:
Dawnlassie · 30/10/2020 21:14

You sound like one of those 'I am never even slightly in the wrong' kind of people. Feel sorry for your HB.

ExclamationPerfume · 30/10/2020 21:15

I agree @Dawnlassie.

GreyHare · 30/10/2020 21:17

Bold: All I knew was, he wasn't in the normal space at the normal time. I was unable to get hold of him. So, I was ringing him, and then his work mobile number, then trying to work out what might have happened and what to do next... All the time he was sitting down the way... Not bothering to tell anyone he was there. confused

Again though all the time he was waiting not bothering to tell anyone he was there, you were stood/sat in the office not looking to see if he had maybe parked somewhere else. I think you are both equally to blame for the cock up.

Trixie18 · 30/10/2020 21:17

That's ridiculous, I hope you told him he can't borrow your car anymore. To all those that said she should have been waiting at 4.30, remember who was doing who a favour here!

fiddlerjo · 30/10/2020 21:18

He was wrong to leave but you should have waited outside for him/at reception.

Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:19

Please tell me what I did "wrong" in this situation?

I didn't change anything. I did the exact thing I have done for 40 times.
DH did something that is different to the past 40 times he's done this. DH made no attempt to tell me of the change. And then left.

What did I do wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
00100001 · 30/10/2020 21:21

@fiddlerjo

He was wrong to leave but you should have waited outside for him/at reception.
But WHY? When the last 40+ times, I have waited in my office...? Why would I suddenly know to wait in a different location when I hadn't been told of any change the normal routine?
OP posts: