Is this a shitty thing to do?

[00100001]

DH had today off work, and needed the car. So he dropped me off at work (7mon car journey, 1hr+ walk along country lanes and hills) in morning and was to collect me at 4:30

I was looking every few minutes from around 4:20. My office looks onto the road.
It gets to 4:40, no sign. I WhatsApp him asking when he's due. Not read. I ring him, No answer. I start to get worried. Ring him on his work mobile, no answer. Eventually at 5:10, he WhatsApp me saying he was there are 4:25, and had waited 10 minutes, and then drove home...

I asked where he'd parked, because I had kept an eye out. He'd parked in the car park near reception, which is near my office, but you can't see it from there iyswim? (So how I was supposed to know he was there, is beyond me)

Reception was open and manned, so he could have asked them to ring me, as he didn't have his phone on him.


But no, he's being arsey because he thinks i should have been stood outside waiting for him at exactly 4:30...

Was that shitty of him to leave after 10 minutes?

[Bearplumapple]

Haven't rtft but it's fucking weird and shitty.

[diddl]

I agree that him not being there makes the most sense.

Why would you drive home (5mins past the time that the person was supposed to be there) without checking that the person you are collecting is still there-and risk having to do the journey again?

[SkepticalCat]

I'm also erring on the side that he was never there at 4.25.

To me, it seems more plausible that he lost track of time for whatever reason, suddenly realised at 5.10, which is when he saw your messages/missed calls, but rather admit he wasn't there, made up a story about parking somewhere different for the first time, and driving home again.

Otherwise, if he had been there when he said he was, why didn't he contact you as soon as he was home again to ask where you were, instead of waiting 20-30 minutes?

I think I would be checking the CCTV just for my own sanity.

[Uraflutteringcunt]

I’m erring on the side of - he never came. The first time he came was 5.10. I’d be watching him closely OP

[SisterAgatha]

I think that he’d parked somewhere else put the onus on him to let OP know that. Rather than have her guess where he might be.

He only gave her 10 minutes of stumbling around looking for him time, then decided to fuck off and let her fend for herself without even telling her.

Can we imagine for a moment that this isn’t his wife, but his mother or teenage daughter? Gees some people are so pissed off that their own husbands don’t pick them up that they are taking it out on OP and acting like she’s in the wrong for her husband making no attempt to contact her and driving off without her.

[dooratheexplorer]

Op, I think you have your answer.

There's lots of nastiness on this thread. Ignore the haters. It's them not you!

[SkepticalCat]

Another two things (I'm obviously over invested in this...)

What if OP had waited outside Reception or near the carpark and her husband parked up in the usual place, so they didnt see each other?

Who'd be in the wrong then? The OP for standing somewhere different for the first time in seven years of this arrangement? Or her DH for sticking to the usual arrangement?

What's puzzling me @00100001 is why did it take your DH until 5.10pm to contact you? He left your office at 4.35 and the journey home takes about 7 minutes. Even adding on a generous 10 minutes for traffic, he would have been home by 4.52pm why did he wait almost 20 minutes to get in touch with you?

[SkepticalCat]

I'm just baffled by the fact you didn't check to see if he was parked elsewhere.

@Rosebel - did you miss the bit where the OP said that he'd parked in the bay just outside her office window every single time he picked her up for the last seven years?

And even if she had gone to check if he'd parked elsewhere, she had a very small window of catching him - between 4.30 (the agreed pick up time, yes I know he was there at 4.25) and 4.35pm as he'd driven off by then.

What if she'd gone to check at 4.37pm? He wouldn't have been there.

[Rosebel]

Why do people ask questions and then get annoyed by the answer? If you know your husband was wrong and shitty (despite agreeing to pick you up twice which I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't have) then don't bother to ask.
If you do ask you got to expect some people won't agree with you.
I'm just baffled by the fact you didn't check to see if he was parked elsewhere.

[Grimbot]

Very strange behaviour. I don’t know why he would park in a different spot to where he has always picked you up in the past on the day he doesn’t have a phone with him. Even stranger than he made no attempt to find out where you were and to only wait 10 minutes and drive off.

[SkepticalCat]

Jeez, the comments on this thread have made me so angry. OP, you are not being unreasonable...

For a start, it sounds as though you were doing him a favour by letting him have the car for the day when you'd normally drive yourself to work.

Then, he doesn't have his phone. Ok, people forget their phones.

But he parked in a different spot to one he has never parked up in before (all 40 times over the last 7 years). It's not as if you were both in an unfamiliar place or one you hadn't been collected from before.

Someone said you should have checked where he was picking you up from. Why should you, when the normal arrangement (40 times over 7 years in case any one missed that bit), was for you to look out your office window and him park in the bay.

Then he drove home without checking up on you.

You are so not the one being unreasonable here.

Yes, possibly you might have thought to check the carpark, but in the scenario described (and with 40 previous occasions to go on - worth repeating for those who dont get that bit!), I can see why that wasnt your immediate thought.

Heck, if you'd gone to check the carpark, you'd have posters saying "why didnt you phone/text him first?"

I think if he'd apologised and admitted being a twat for parking elsewhere for the first time in seven years, then you wouldn't be so annoyed.

[KooKooKachu]

@Bluntness100

Well, I'm happy for you to think that your spouse is perfectly reasonable to change longstanding arrangement without telling you and then are perfectly happy for him to be shitty with you for not knowing he had changed it

Bit of a reach since I’ve never had this issue and drive myself,,but ok. Whatever gets you through the day, 😃

If you've never had this issue and can't relate to what the OP is saying, how is your contribution to the thread helpful?

If someone normally does x, then one day they do y, how is the other person supposed to mind read?

[Frdd]

Is there other shit going on between you because this just seems a whole load of fuss about very little.

[Noidea2114]

Op as usual there are a lot of bitc** on here tonight. Why he couldn't have just gone into the reception before driving off.
He's an are*.

[00100001]

OK, rosebel. I can't possibly expect my dh to pick me up again. It's all my fault.

I shall solve the problem by never letting him use my car ever again, he can sort himself out on his days off from now on. I can, of course, pick him up, a d naturally I will park in a random location and expect him to look for me in a ten minute window and drive off merrily when he hasn't shown up, and will be a total arse to him when I drive back for him a bit later at the agreed place.

Thanks :)

[Rosebel]

You should have gone and looked. I mean he wasn't there at the usual time but rather than have a quick look to see if he was parked elsewhere you start ringing him up. Surely the logical thing is to look first.
I would be pissed off if I went to pick my husband up he wasn't there. If I was nice enough to go back and get him and he started moaning I'd be in a foul mood.
I actually think you are totally in the wrong. Next time I expect your husband won't bother to pick you up and I don't blame him.

[Justnormajean]

Yes you are right.
Awful, appalling behaviour.
Unforgivable
Never let it happen again. LTB

[SummerHouse]

You are right op. Yes you can forgive him. Yes you can maybe see that he made a decision based on man facts. But you are, and will always be, right on this.

[Danni91]

[quote 00100001]@Danni91 well, if your partner changes a long standing arrangement, doesn't tell you, fucks off, comes back after you fjnnall3get hold of him and he's arsey with you for not being psychic... then you can sit back knowing you won't be cross, because obviously all of that was your fault and you will apologise to him.[/quote]
As my original comment said..

Ive been your partner, stuck waiting, no phone. I was annoyed so i drove home to get my phone. I drove back to pick him up.

It was over and done with after few mins bickering in the car.

And its happened more than once! He would do the same

I wouldnt dream of walking into his workplace and getting someone to go get him. Hes a fully grown man he can deal with some rain whilst he looks (but thats just us!)

[Nicknacky]

I think you need two cars from now on. Especially if this is the way you carry on about a really minor misunderstanding.

[Danni91]

@00100001

... But I was checking. And yes, I could have checked he'd parked in the car park... I suppose. Although, I had no reason to assume anything other than he had been held up.

So excuse me if I'm confused as to why him fucking off after 10 minutes of waiting in a different unseen location without telling me is my fault. 🤷‍♀️

Imagine if... You always go shopping on a Thursday at 5:30 at Tesco with your mum and you always meet her in the cafe and have coffee first. So in case one of you is held up, no harm done.
Then, randomly, your mum decides to suddenly wait for you by the pharmacy counter. She doesnt tell you this. And then you finally get hold of her, and she walks upto the cafe and is cross with you, because she'd been waiting at the pharmacy... In fact she'd waited for 20 minutes and decided to go home.

Now, according to some posters, the person to blame for this situation happening is YOU. You shouldn't have assumed you were meeting at the cafe, you should have checked the pharmacy counter, you should have been waiting at the store entrance... And your mum has every right o be arsey with you.

I dunno if thats my comment you are replying too but..

You are assuming hes held up/in an accident/not coming.
Hes probably assuming you have left/aint coming/been held up

Hes arsey because he was stuck waiting

You are arse because you was stuck waiting

He didnt have a phone to contact you on, you had feet to go out and check tho

It's defo 50/50
Its 100% not worth arguing about

It is done now, next time he will take his phone and next time you will go check. Does it really need a whole new level of he said she said?

Just apologize to each other and its done?

My opinion would be different if this was a regular thing but once ??

You both are going to ruin a whole evening over 1 thing? C'mon just cuddle both say sorry be done. Its really not a huge incident

[00100001]

@Bluntness100

Well, I'm happy for you to think that your spouse is perfectly reasonable to change longstanding arrangement without telling you and then are perfectly happy for him to be shitty with you for not knowing he had changed it

Bit of a reach since I’ve never had this issue and drive myself,,but ok. Whatever gets you through the day, 😃

... I drive. But didn't have the car that day because he needed it... Hence him having to drop me off and pick me up...

[00100001]

@Danni91 well, if your partner changes a long standing arrangement, doesn't tell you, fucks off, comes back after you fjnnall3get hold of him and he's arsey with you for not being psychic... then you can sit back knowing you won't be cross, because obviously all of that was your fault and you will apologise to him.

[00100001]

... But I was checking. And yes, I could have checked he'd parked in the car park... I suppose. Although, I had no reason to assume anything other than he had been held up.

So excuse me if I'm confused as to why him fucking off after 10 minutes of waiting in a different unseen location without telling me is my fault. 🤷‍♀️


Imagine if... You always go shopping on a Thursday at 5:30 at Tesco with your mum and you always meet her in the cafe and have coffee first. So in case one of you is held up, no harm done.
Then, randomly, your mum decides to suddenly wait for you by the pharmacy counter. She doesnt tell you this. And then you finally get hold of her, and she walks upto the cafe and is cross with you, because she'd been waiting at the pharmacy... In fact she'd waited for 20 minutes and decided to go home.

Now, according to some posters, the person to blame for this situation happening is YOU. You shouldn't have assumed you were meeting at the cafe, you should have checked the pharmacy counter, you should have been waiting at the store entrance... And your mum has every right o be arsey with you.

[Danni91]

@Jux

What if there'd been a delay of some sort at work so you couldn't get out on time? What if you'd fallen, broken your leg and been carted off unconscious to hospital about 10 mins before he arrived?

Had you had a row that morning and he was punishing you?

Then he would of been right up the hospital when he found out or got in contact.

Lets.not forget he drove straight back to pick her up 🤨

op clearly filtered her first post to drip feed minor bits about the whole situation.

Many drama