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Original poster

Did having a baby make your relationship work?

223 replies

Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:44

Just that really. Recently pregnant after an on/off relationship and havent told him yet despite being month 5! But I am hoping this will make the relationship work and solidify it. Does this ever work? Am I completely deluded with hormones...I told my best fiends my plan tonight and she was pretty cutting and said it would last a short time and then fall apart and not to move in with him. She always has my back so I’m listening to what she’s saying but I’m also hoping there’s people out there that have made something work because of a baby. Anyone give me any positive stories?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:46

Friend not fiend!

OP posts:
MasterBruceBalloon · 29/10/2020 20:47

I'm sorry but I think it's pretty shocking not to say anything to the father of the child at 5 months.

Babies do not make relationships work. Try to co-parent respectfully but get rid of the idea that this is a romantic relationship anymore, I think.

Best of luck with your pregnancy.

bluebearss · 29/10/2020 20:48

I mean, it potentially COULD, but that hasn't been my experience and I think it's unlikely.

I've been with DP for several years and we have a baby DS - it's been the hardest thing ever on our relationship.

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Original poster
Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:48

I haven’t told him as we were in an on/off relationship and I had only known him 3 months when I found out. Not that I feel I should have to justify that really.

OP posts:
dryoldparty · 29/10/2020 20:49

My husband and I have been together 12 years, we have two young children together. We are absolutely solid but having children has seriously tested our relationship. Newborns are hard, toddlers are hard, parenting styles will not always be equal and honestly I can't thing the children have done anything other than push our relationship close to breaking point.

StylishMummy · 29/10/2020 20:49

Having a baby is incredibly stressful, emotional and tiring, you need a solid relationship BEFORE the child is conceived, not trying to use it as cement on the cracks of your relationship

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/10/2020 20:49

No I’ve never heard of this happening.

WilheldivaHater · 29/10/2020 20:49

I'd imagine your friend is right. This chap might not even want a relationship, he might leave now without wanting anything to do with you or the baby.

I'd prepare yourself for some heartbreak and a lot of work being a single parent.

madcatladyforever · 29/10/2020 20:50

No love it never ever works. A baby is really hard work and busts a lot of couples apart. You have to be in a really strong relationship to start with to make it work and even then its hard.
Don't get over invested in this man he is extremely unlikely to be father of the year.
Be prepared for single parenthood.

kittykat35 · 29/10/2020 20:50

No OP a baby makes things harder in general to be honest...it my bandage over the cracks for a small while but ultimately...no. Sorry

Original poster
Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:50

Just to be clear I only knew him 3 months before this happened. It’s not like we have a history of relationship problems to fix or anything like that. We are almost starting fresh if that makes sense

OP posts:
bluejelly · 29/10/2020 20:51

No. Sorry

Original poster
Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:51

Can people be gentle please I am not in the best place right now, it’s all very hard

OP posts:
FizzyDizzy121 · 29/10/2020 20:51

I'm sorry, how "on and off" can you be with a guy you've known 8 months?

It very, very rarely works. Babies and children are hard enough on established relationships nevermind unstable ones.

You're going to be a Mother, time to put your child first and stop focusing on some guy that clearly isnt that into you.

Good luck

piglet81 · 29/10/2020 20:51

We’d been together 6 years and were married, and still having a baby was like a bomb going off in our relationship. Not trying to worry you but it can be a massive strain and I really wouldn’t be hoping for it to fix existing issues. Best of luck Flowers

2020hello · 29/10/2020 20:53

Children really test a relationship and if you can get through it great but I honestly think you need a solid relationship before kids. I wouldnt keep your hopes up

Original poster
Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:54

fizzy we started dating in December and were casual but long distance so it just fizzled out. On/off maybe the wrong expression sorry.

OP posts:
Hiccupiscal · 29/10/2020 20:54

But you've kept it a secret for 5 months?!
He needs to know ASAP, he has a right to know, a right to decide what he wants too.. why have you kept this life changing news from him?!

NerrSnerr · 29/10/2020 20:54

My husband and I were together for about 14 years before we had our first child and are as solid as it gets but I agree with PP, it's like a bomb going off. Lack of sleep, lack of time to do things together (other than sit exhausted on the settee), and general stress. Can't see it making things better.

LittleOverwhelmed · 29/10/2020 20:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

FizzyDizzy121 · 29/10/2020 20:55

I dont mean to be harsh OP, but the best advice I can give you is to focus on your baby. Forget the guy, you've known him for 2 mins and even that has been rocky.

Original poster
Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:55

I didn’t feel I could tell him, we live in totally different areas of the uk. It’s not like I was going to bump into him or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lampshaets · 29/10/2020 20:56

It wasn’t that it was ‘rocky’ it was just long distance so didn’t really work out and was quite casual.

OP posts:
gingerlace · 29/10/2020 20:57

Yes it can work! I have a friend who got pregnant within weeks of meeting someone knew.. she was petrified of telling him.. when she did he immediately said he wanted nothing to do with them.. he left, reflected and came back the next day apologising for his reaction.. their son is now 12 and they've had 2 more and still going strong!
There's no way of knowing how it'll pan out.. but you have to tell him and then you can plan moving forward.
I hope it works out well for you! X

WilheldivaHater · 29/10/2020 20:58

As it was a long distance relationship I would really advise you not to move to be near the dad (if he even suggests it) you don't want to be away from your support network and be trapped in a Rocky relationship with a new baby and no one other than him.