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Original poster

His 'hobby' strikes again - when do mums get to have fun??

152 replies

ArtemisBean · 24/10/2020 04:58

DH has just shoved off for another full day doing his hobby. It's not every week but it's a pain in the arse being left for 14+ hours alone with a toddler and pregnant while he swans off enjoying himself. I'm keeping count of the days he owes me to go off and enjoy MYself (ha!) but I genuinely don't know what I'd do all day given half the chance, especially in these times when lots of places are closed. Anyone else feeling like a hobby widow and would like to commiserate? I know there's plenty of us out there. And ideas for fun ways to spend all these days off I'm due would be much appreciated so I can plan my revenge (lighthearted, sort of 😛).

OP posts:
BrizNiz · 24/10/2020 05:10

I've seen similar posts on here. Why not get yourself a hobby or go and see your mates for a day (depending what tier you're in).
It's not great to get competitive with time away from parenting with a partner....but at the same time, it's really important to also do some non-mum stuff occasionally. I found if I didn't do that, i felt a bit suffocated and lost a sense of independence.
It's great your partner has a hobby, don't resent him for it, get one too!

AlmaBaldwin · 24/10/2020 05:19

You don't need a specific hobby- do you drive? Just drive somewhere and park up on your phone, read, watch Netflix on your phone or tablet. Go for a walk, go and sit in the park with a book weather permitting. Depending where you are and restrictions etc book into a hotel (depending on finances obviously but travellodge rooms are from £19) and have a 'holiday', watch films, read, have a long bath, whatever you enjoy.

I don't know if you do this but one thing mums (in general obviously, not all of them) need to stop doing is prioritising 'family time'. I see it all the time "DH golfs three times a week and all day Saturday I can't have a hobby because otherwise ill be gone all day Sunday which is family time otherwise we won't have any family time at all". It's not an issue for the dads why do the mums have to prioritise it.

sofato5miles · 24/10/2020 05:31

How often does he do this?

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Nikori · 24/10/2020 05:36

I think it's better to get him to take the kids out for a half-day and make sure it involves feeding them dinner. Then you can relax at home.

custardbear · 24/10/2020 05:43

I've also made use of my DH hobbies over the yeRs, been away for days, weekends and a few week holidays with mates too, we still have family holidays and time together, it works well for us. So get yourself out with mates and perhaps when you can, book some time away with mates, I'm going away with my best mate next weekend, two nights away in a spa - albeit it's a bit restricted at the moment, I'm glad to be spending quality time with my best friend I rarely see

PartoftheProbl3m · 24/10/2020 06:24

What ducking hobby

Northernparent68 · 24/10/2020 06:31

So what do you want op ? That he gives up your hobby because you do not have one ?

araiwa · 24/10/2020 06:35

If you don't have a hobby then it seems ridiculous to complain about not getting time for a hobby

Caeruleanblue · 24/10/2020 06:35

If you don't have a hobby that gives you exercise then you need one - just drive to the park or countryside and walk for an hour or two listening to a v good audiobook if it bores you.
Or swim, or run.

ShirleyPhallus · 24/10/2020 06:37

I don't know if you do this but one thing mums (in general obviously, not all of them) need to stop doing is prioritising 'family time'. I see it all the time "DH golfs three times a week and all day Saturday I can't have a hobby because otherwise ill be gone all day Sunday which is family time otherwise we won't have any family time at all". It's not an issue for the dads why do the mums have to prioritise it.

Totally agree with this. Especially in lockdown when we seem to have had an absolute abundance of “family time” (nauseatingly twee phrase)

TheSeedsOfADream · 24/10/2020 06:38

"mums" do whatever hobbies they want. If they're in a healthy relationship.
If you have an issue with your husband and his, tell him.

pictish · 24/10/2020 06:45

You get to do your hobby or have time to yourself whenever you want.
No one expect you to be a martyr.

Goatinthegarden · 24/10/2020 06:46

My SIL has very cleverly gotten the children involved in dbro’s hobbies. Now the children are desperate to go with him whenever it’s hobby time, so when he disappears for the day, so do they...

Darkestseasonofall · 24/10/2020 06:47

Ask him to have your dc tomorrow and go shopping and meet a fiend for lunch. Problem solved.

HappyThursdays · 24/10/2020 06:55

What does he do for 14 hours !

AlmaBaldwin · 24/10/2020 06:56

@Goatinthegarden

My SIL has very cleverly gotten the children involved in dbro’s hobbies. Now the children are desperate to go with him whenever it’s hobby time, so when he disappears for the day, so do they...
Good for her! Thats the perfect thing to do.
MinnieMountain · 24/10/2020 06:57

I walk (for a day or a weekend), swim or meet up with friends.

What did you enjoy doing pre-DC?

LolaSmiles · 24/10/2020 06:58

If you don't have a hobby then you can't complain he has hobby and does it less than weekly.

You should both get time to yourself and what you do with that time is up to you. The time should be split reasonably fairly overall, so if he has one long day on a less frequent basis, you should have the equivalent (either a long day, or an evening/afternoon every week).

Thinking of it as revenge to get you time, even lighthearted, isn't the right mentality.

Ragwort · 24/10/2020 07:03

Agree with everyone else, so often these threads are more about the fact that the mother doesn't have a hobby or any interests to fill her time Hmm .... and yet again 'I am pregnant with our second child' .... you knew your DH had a hobby .... why make the choice to have another child if it bothers you so much.

When our DS was young I had plenty of time to follow my hobbies and interests, as did my DH.

Nancydowns · 24/10/2020 07:03

Spa day.

I think a lot of men feel family days out are for mum too. Where as they are not fun for dad, so dad needs time away to do fun things.

Nancydowns · 24/10/2020 07:06

What does he do for 14 hours

Golf or bike riding would be my guess.

popcornlover · 24/10/2020 07:14

What were your interests before you married? You must have amused yourself somehow then. Try to remember what made you interesting back then and take it up again. Easy! So much in the world to learn! Your husband must have seen you as more than a home maker when he proposed, so re-connect with what he found intriguing about you and enjoy yourself!

WunWun · 24/10/2020 07:16

Could you not just see a friend or family for the day on your own? Where restrictions allow obviously.

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/10/2020 07:20

Is there something you've always wanted to do?

It can be hard when you're pregnant to make long term plans for yourself. It feels short sighted or selfish to start thinking about things that you feel will be broken up by the demands of family. But I think, maybe, that is actually the shortsighted view. Really, having a passion you can pursue separate from your family life can be self sustaining in the long run. Not that you should allow such a passion to overtake commitment to family but there is room for men to have hobbies, there is room for women too.

So I would suggest starting to think about what you'd like to pursue. Something physical or mental, artistic or scientific, artsy or aporty or academic, it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be with other people or out of the house. But ideally it would be long term and give you something that will grow and give you a feeling of accomplishment or pride or community over the years. You could just require he takes the kids for the day to give you, in effect, a room of your own.

pictish · 24/10/2020 07:24

I’m actually pleasantly surprised by the responses on this thread. Mumsnet can appear rather anti-hobby in tone...specifically if it’s in relation to a man having one.
Hobbies should be encouraged and supported by both in a relationship.
I have a couple of hobbies. One I share with my dh...the other I gleefully do alone. Love it.

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