I am your mil

[TTC45]

OK ok

So I've seen a few of these before and they proper cracked me up.

I thought of it randomly today and decided to start one.

I promise that you that it is all entirely lighthearted and that I know that not all mil are bad ;)

So go on, ask me or tell me something?

For I am your mil.

We aren’t coming for Christmas this year. First time in 20 years. Your food sucks. Love yoooouuu.

I’ve been in your life since 1990. I’ve only ever worked in one specific profession. Why don’t you know what I do for a living?

Your son is vile. Why did you stay in a marriage that taught him that woman are Nothings? One day My children will know the truth about you all.

I dont want to come for Christmas because of your political views and your constant spouting of conspiracy theories. Stop talking bollocks, its exhausting

Dear mil,
Can you stop buying me pink things?

why are you so dismissive and rude about my mum? It hurts my feelings and makes things awkward.

Thank you for being so supportive and raising your son your son to be an incredible man. I hope mine turns out just like him.

You're a fantastic nan to our children, I just wish you would put your son in the same light as your daughters and see us more. Just because he doesn't kick and scream for your attention, doesn't mean he doesn't love, miss and want to see you.

You give shit breastfeeding advice that could have damaged our breastfeeding journey because you wanted to see DC more!

Thanks so much for everything you and FIL do for us. I wish your daughters had paired up with better men though and I wish you would stop enabling them.

Hey fuck face. Not having you in my life this past year has been amazing. We've had so much time to grow as a family without you imposing yourself on us or coming to stay for two weeks every two months. Turns out, when you're out of the picture your son actually stops acting like a fucking child. Who'd have thought it 👀

I can't stand you. You keep saying you are "overprotective" but really you are just controlling and overbearing.

@Harrykanesrightsock No dear, your taste buds are not quite right. My dear boy grew up with it and never complained. He just needs a real woman who can cook. It is so sad.

Why aren't you coming? I'm very upset!!

@Vagaries I'm sorry my dear, its just that my next door neighbours neices son is a doctor now you know.

Some people have REAL professions.

tee hee

They miss you.
I’m still annoyed at you for dying.
I hope that you really enjoyed your last few years, I did my best to bring you happiness and some sunshine. I hope you know that everything is fine, because it is.

@Frownette

No I can not.

You are a woman are you not?

Otherwise you are no match for my incredibly macho and very very straight son.

@OhioOhioOhio

Because I am a selfish bitch who was always too weak to do what I know that you could.

Be braver and stronger than me.

@Winterfellismyhome

I actually have an incredibly boring personality and am just trying to believe in something, because I feel that nobody believes in me.

Also I am a complete and utter nutcase.

@Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou

Unfortantly dear, I am an awkward fuck and have no idea how to address anything not directly relating to your precious sil, my precious ds or anything good about me.

@Ajahd

Thank you, I've tried but you have also helped him grow, as his wife, you have taught him everything that I never could.

You are a hateful stupid woman who was completely complicit in FIL's abuse of myself and your son.

We are better off without both of you. Don't come crying to us when FIL dies and you want your family back. When you chose that bully over us you made your bed permanently.

@WWYD2020

I am a selfish cockwomble.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

I fear butting in a losing the love and affection and respect of those I love. But thank you.

@Sciencebabe

I'm sorry, but inherently I only think of myself.