I am your mil

[TTC45]

OK ok

So I've seen a few of these before and they proper cracked me up.

I thought of it randomly today and decided to start one.

I promise that you that it is all entirely lighthearted and that I know that not all mil are bad ;)

So go on, ask me or tell me something?

For I am your mil.

I really wish you would be a little warmer fo your son. Our child (your grandson) has brought out a warmth I didn't know you had. My husband however has never seen this either. Just tell him you love him.

Really looking forward to you and FIL moving closer this month. It's going to be great for the children to have one set of grandparents so close and for us to have some more adult company once in a while!

You are wonderful, have always been so to me and I am lucky to have you.

P.S. Can you give DD a haircut again soon? She's promised to be good for you and not scream and shout

I love you and I want you to be healthy and happy. Will you come and live closer to us?

How are my family 'unwelcoming' according to you? Nobody has ever said that about them before, and it would be nice to know what made you say that.

I've been married to your son for over 12 years... we have kids... why won't you ring the house? Why do you only ring your son on his mobile? I've bent over backwards to include you but you still only want to communicate with him and not us, even if the kids are poorly.

Also, your other DIL hates you, she bad mouths you to us all the time and I actually stick up for you and feel bad for you. Yet you still think she's wonderful and call her and visit her every week. What's wrong with me?

I've been married to your son for over 12 years... we have kids... why won't you ring the house? Why do you only ring your son on his mobile? I've bent over backwards to include you but you still only want to communicate with him and not us, even if the kids are poorly.

I would fucking love it if my a MIL did this. Can we swap?

I love you and I’m so grateful for everything you and FIL do/have done for us... but I really wish you hadn’t both trampled all over my first week as a new mum. I will never have that time back, and now I only look back at it with resentment, sadness and anger.

Stop driving a wedge between your family because you're bitter towards your husband. You will regret it in the longrun as you won't see your grandson as much and I know you love him. Be the bigger person and move on from the relationship if that's what you need to do. Stop playing the victim, your children are suffering.

@Seriouslymole

I miss you so much. I'm sorry I didn't say all this to you before you died, but I'm so grateful for the gift that is your son. You raised 3 boys to be amazing men in their own right and I'm very fortunate to have married one of them. He's really struggling at the moment, but we're getting through it. He misses you like crazy too.

I miss our morning talks whilst I'm walking the dog. I'm sad you didn't get to see DS1 transfer to secondary, but he's doing fine. Both the DC are turning into nice people so far. I do miss your advice. You were an amazing woman, I know we had our moments when we didn't agree and there were times you drove me potty, and I suspect the reverse is true too, but honestly, I am so grateful I knew you. I love you. Thank you xxx

That brought tears to my eyes. I’m in the same boat. My MIL would be so proud of her son and our children. She was an absolute gem. She was kind and supportive when my own mother was an absolute witch.

MIL, the reason I rarely visit any more isn't because I am a horrific snob, it's because my two year old daughter had started asking 'why doesn't granny like mummy' because you were so fucking rude all the time.

Also, why do you imagine you're the only person in the world who deserves money without working for it? You are well under retirement age, in the time I've known you you've never so much as considered trying to get a job, but you whinge all the time about how we should buy you a house/how awful it is not to have more spending money.

Why do you do this?

I loved you so much. I miss you still and my marriage to your beautiful son has never been the same since your sudden, unexpected death. I miss sitting by the fire eating your home baked biscuits listening to your gentle voice explaining the world so beautifully. You were one of the most beautiful human beings I’ve ever known. I hope there is an afterlife and your beautiful daughter was waiting for you. You’re still in my lounge but I promise I’ll do what you asked and take you where you said you want to end up. Oh, I carried you back up the hill to your cottage for one last time before we sold it. I sat you by the window because you always liked it there. I’ll love you forever.

I love you and I think I lucked out in the MIL department. Especially considering I was my usual potty-mouthed self on our first meeting and I didn’t simper and pander to your son (I know some MIL see that as a requirement). Still you didn’t hold that against me, if anything I think you appreciated that I wasn’t pandering to your son. I’ve had many differences of opinion with FIL over the years and he has hurt both DH and I a few times. I know FIL is mostly good and he has done some lovely things for me. It doesn’t stop the hurt when he’s a cunt though.

Do you know that FIL told DH that “it wasn’t too late” literally minutes before our wedding started. You had come over to me to give me a hug, straighten my necklace and fluff my veil, when FIL said that. DH didn’t want to tell you but I want to know if you hold this belief too. I don’t know what DH or I have done to convince FIL we’re so incompetent. Especially given that we don’t lurch from one disaster to another like Fuckup BIL. FIL was over the moon when BIL got a woman he’d known for 3 months pregnant. We got an hour long lecture about entering into commitments when we got our dog - despite having a house and being married already. Does FIL even realise he says these things?

@Ajahd

Thank you for being so supportive and raising your son your son to be an incredible man. I hope mine turns out just like him.

Love love love this!!! Me too!!

Dear ExMiL,

You completely spoilt and indulged your son when he was a child, leading him to be a petulant adult who just wanted to be mothered. Why did you send him to expensive private schools but not his sister? How very fucking odd.

You made it clear you didn’t approve of our ‘lifestyle’, saying living overseas was bad for the kids (even though its the exact opposite)

I adore not having to spend holidays and Christmas with you and the only time I ever feel sorry for your son’s new partner is when she bas to spend time with you.

You can’t possibly be so short sighted that you can’t see all those hairs on your face

Just because you start with 'im not interfering...' it doesn't mean that what is about to come out of your mouth isn't interfering. Stop comparing us to your daughter's family and stop comparing our DD to her cousin.

Our bank account is not a second account for you to use when you've spent up

Dear future MIL. Thank you for bringing up such a wonderful son. I am very lucky to have you and your son in my life. I know there is that saying “a daughter is for life and a son until he meets a wife” but I will not take your lovely son away from you. He will still be your son. Thank you.

I hit the jackpot with you & it could have been so much worse.

I'm sorry dfil died this year and you're going through a shit time but DH, your son loves being with you so stop worrying about him being here with me, I'm fine with him being with you as much as he wants, he gets comfort from you as much as you do him.

You're a great MIL. I enjoy our visits.

But please stop pretending that you did the same for all of your kids. I'm not stupid and neither is DH. He's the youngest and was always at the bottom of the pile. You were far too busy paying for their educations to even notice him.

I'd love to hear you say how well he's done DESPITE the amount you did for him not pretend it's because of it.

I miss you. You were a wonderful mil and I wish my mother has been half the woman you were. The last words I spoke to my dear husband before I lost him, was that his darling mummy was waiting for him. I hope that gave him some comfort.

P.s, in the unlikely event that you meet my mother, could you go against your gentle nature and give her a good slap! 😁

I wish I had a chance to meet you. And for you to meet your grandchildren. I've heard so many lovely things about you.
Cancer is such a horrible disease.

@DeliciouslyFemale - that made me well up. That was so very kind of you to say that to your husband. I hope if My sons are ever on that position they will have met someone like you who can understand the son and mother relationship which is just as important as the mother and daughter one. You are a beautiful person.

We haven't seen you for at least 15 years and I honestly hope I never see you again. You sent a nasty vindictive letter to my DH on his birthday promising to remove him from your will. You blame me for never bothering to see your GC, when really no one stopped, you only have yourself to blame for not making any effort. You also said with no pressure from us at all, that you'd put money away for the children - only to have spent it on yourself.
You are a caricature of a contemptuous 'mother in law' that invites people to dislike you, whilst you blame everyone else for your own selfishness and weakness.
Somehow your son has turned out ok, probably because you kicked him out when he was 17 years old, he had to find his own way despite this and your nasty, racist views of his friends and family, he developed into a kind decent man who would give anything for us, his family. Now fuck off into the wilderness where you belong.

Well got that off my chest!

Hi Oma, what a shame your youngest son didn’t introduce us sooner, in time for me to properly know you before Alzheimer’s took over your personality.

Partly it was FIL, who told my DH at 27 that he was not bring home any more girlfriends to meet you both (he’d introduced you to 2 only). Only bring home the ‘final’ one, that he was going to marry, FIL said. What sadness that edict brought to everyone. DH abided by it, and it resulted that no one realised or acknowledged your dementia decline like I would have done. You just sat and smiled endlessly, as the menfolk excused your ‘failures’ to others at endless tables.

They loved you, but put you on a strange pedestal. Getting medical expert help for you was as likely as them joining the circus.

By the time I finally met you, I think you only vaguely understood who I was to you. A kindly strangely who held your favourite son’s hand a lot, probably. And a woman who surprisingly washed your dishes and brushed your hair.

I hope you know now, after death freed you from that disease, that I did my best for your little boy. I can’t make 7 layer creamy nutty cakes for him like you did, but I have made a vaguely modern man of him. And our daughter would have loved you. Especially the cakes, I cannot lie.

Oh, and please look up my granny in heaven. You’d get along very well together, even if heaven hasn’t figured out the language barrier thing. Which they likely have.

@Sawyersfishbiscuits

I've been married to your son for over 12 years... we have kids... why won't you ring the house? Why do you only ring your son on his mobile? I've bent over backwards to include you but you still only want to communicate with him and not us, even if the kids are poorly.

Also, your other DIL hates you, she bad mouths you to us all the time and I actually stick up for you and feel bad for you. Yet you still think she's wonderful and call her and visit her every week. What's wrong with me?

I would frankly give up on your MIL, she sounds like a nightmare. Your DH should also do something about her manners, good god, there's nothing wrong with you! don't blame yourself, I think your DH should put his foot down and explain to his DM that you are part of his family and invite her to your home, basically give her no option but to face whatever myth she's created about you and consider that she may be wrong about you.

What have you been up to for the past 14 months?