Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 3

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Previous question: Why is the swimming pool viewing gallery so hot?

Answer: Because the temperature controller is broken. It will get progressively hotter, then colder, then hotter... much like my shower at the moment!!

My question: How long will it take for THIS thread to fill up?

2pm on 1st December 1912. So I hope you've ordered your goose ready for Christmas.
I hear that little shop near you J.Sainsbury can get you a reasonably priced goose & they have delivery boys on bicycles.

Will we ever get to see the new Bond film?

In 2030.

Why is supermarket cake so... Disappointing?

Because the taste testers have all been partying in ibiza for the past 10 years. They are past caring about quality and just want to party some more.

Why does Arnie say he'll be back ?

Because he's just popping to do his mum's shopping and then he'll be back
Will masks be the next big fashion item?

No deely boppers will. You heard it here first.

Should I turn the heat on?

Try the air conditioning.

Any decent films on prime?

Yes, and some indecent ones too.

How purple will my hair be tomorrow?

It will be mauve
Why do they still make cornbeef tins with those silly little keys?

Because those silly little keys don't just open cornbeef tins. They get you into all the best restaurants just flash your corn beef key and you're in.

Should I have extra strong coffee or diet coke??

Neither if you want to sleep. I recommend dog milk, warmed with honey
Should I start baking a Christmas cake now?

What do you mean bake your Christmas cake you should have made it in March, you flighty lackadaisical hare-brain

Do you know if my DD wants baked beans with her tea? As she hasn't replied when I've shouted up the stairs or answered my text! (And I'm not going upstairs on purpose to ask the cloth ears)

No make it on Christmas eve so there's no rushing around. I highly recommend using out of date poor quality ingredients, that it will taste better.

Should I stay up all night ?

No - Santa won't come if you don't go to sleep!

What should I get my stepdad for Christmas?

A 6 pack of Baked Beans

What is Melania doing now she's got the whole of The White House to herself?

Dusting wotsit crumbs and toupee hairs from every surface!

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

About 75 if they extended it by merging the tip of a hairclip

What will happen if I don't put the heating on ?

You will get an overwhelming urge to do the Time Warp.

How long will it take my teenager to clean their room?

Twenty seconds.

Why is it still raining?

Because the Perrier water company have put in a bulk order to fill the lovely green glass bottles and sell it on as top quality h20

Why is eating a full roast Sunday lunch always on my mind ?

Because you haven't eaten for 3 months.

By the way, the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin is one, providing the dance is a gavotte. Sir Terry Pratchett says so and he was never wrong.

How long will it take me to tidy my foster son's bedroom? (It has to be me, he's away at uni)

Three weeks ,five days and 16 hours
Should I cook chicken for tea ,even though we all had a massive cooked breakfast?

I would cook 1 whole chicken per person and serve alongside a goose, this way you won't get too full up.

What happened to Tery and Julie after they enjoyed a Waterloo sunset ?

Unfortunately they broke up because Terry told Laura he loved her
Where is ds2 other school shoe?

At school.

Why's my laptop so hot? I haven't used it all day!

Because your cat has been on it looking at cat porn (nice, fish & stupid dogs) on YouTube

How are the Doctors coping with Trump at the hospital he's in?