Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 3

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Previous question: Why is the swimming pool viewing gallery so hot?

Answer: Because the temperature controller is broken. It will get progressively hotter, then colder, then hotter... much like my shower at the moment!!

My question: How long will it take for THIS thread to fill up?

Of course one does, but don’t tell the grandchildren...

Why did elephants get long noses but giraffes get long necks if the purpose is essentially the same?

Because God lost the game of Twister & the Badger won.
God's forfeit was to give one animal a very long neck & one animal a very long trunk. Originally the giraffe 🦒 was going to get the long trunk & the elephant 🐘 a long neck, however Mrs God said to Mr God 'don't be so blooming ridiculous'
The Badger also got a right telling off for playing twister with God as the Badger knows he always wins.
If Badger wants to play with God again then it has to be Mah Jong as God usually wins that one.
Snake has been banned from coming over as he pinches all the apples & then chucks them at unsuspecting passers by. Unfortunately one hit Mr Adam who lives next door, though Adam blamed it on his wife Eve for encouraging Snake to play cricket with the twins.

Am I on glue?

Yes copydex
How long would it take me to dig to Australia?

42 minutes

Shall I have more wine?

No more than four bottles if you have to get up in the morning
Do snails mate for life ?

Definitely, it takes them that long to work out which bit goes where.

What should I feed my new pet badger?

Mashed potato!

When is the next lockdown?

When the world collides with Saturn but only if it's on a Tuesday after 10pm ,before that we will have a series of complicated and convoluted rules about rules of 75 and eating outdoors on the Sunday after Xmas with a gathering of no more than 21
How fast can a cat swim ?

In three... two... 1.9... 1.89...

Is my maths actually right?

Damn, x-posted again!

1.89mph

What grade would I get if I took my GCSE Maths again right now?

Your maths is perfect. Wonky decimals don't matter.

Will my garden furniture blow away in the next autumn storm?

Yes, over the fence and break next door's windows.

What have the police just turned up at the door for?

Ice-cream.

What did I have for dinner?

Jam sandwiches and a twix with a glass of Chablis
Would Simon Cowell make a better prime minister than Boris Johnson?

The pet badger would make a better PM so the bar isn't exactly high.

Does anyone else ever wish for a sofa to bed teleport for the evenings?

No, just put a duvet on the sofa.

Does the dog really want to go out?

Yes as long as Badger can go too. They are desperate to do the bleep test to see who wins.

What should I have as a late night snack?

Chris Hemsworth. He's delicious.

Why do I have to go to work tomorrow?

You don't as your pet Badger has rang in sick for you and muttered something about tuberculosis to your boss.
Your boss is so alarmed that she's quarantined all the offices worldwide.

Sentient Tangerine Trump or Badger? Who do you love the most & why?

Well it's a difficult one but I think Trump for his delightful orange colour
Why won't my pet badger go to sleep?

Because he's trying to work out what to do about GCSEs next year.

Will Santa need to spend January in SI after his around the world tour?

No need, as he'll be off to Torremolinos for the entire month, just like always

Why was DD so petulant this morning?

Because she wants to go to Torremolinos with the badger.

Does the badger actually wank?

That's a very personal question I think Bodger the Badger needs to answer that for himself
Why couldn't I sleep last night?

Because the badger was jumping on your bed

AIBU to prefer Squirrels to badgers?