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HV says DS is behind and I'm not doing enough...

263 replies

Putmynewshoeson · 25/09/2020 15:44

I'm a first time mum to a gorgeous nine month old. He's very engaged, laughs a lot and babbles, makes Baba and Mama sounds and does 'conversational' exchanges. He's trying to crawl (up on all fours and rocking backwards and forwards), can sit up unaided (unless he fancies flopping and rolling about), can roll both ways, can stand holding my hands although not cruising and drops to all fours to try and crawl as soon as he possibly can

He loves books, is engaged with toys and plays happily sitting on his playmat with various rattles and cups and things for ages. Doesn't stack yet or copy us so much (only with trying to blow raspberries) and doesn't wave or clap or point

I posted before because another mum worried me that he was behind and had some really reassuring responses but today I had a nine month telephone check with our health visitor and she's told me he's behind and I'm not doing enough to stimulate him or help him develop

I sing to him, he comes in the kitchen with me while I cook and I talk to him constantly. He plays with different toys on a playmat and in a play pen, we go on multiple walks a day to see the ducks, bang saucepans, I sit in the playpen with him and stack things up for him to knock down. He loves baby sensory on YouTube and nursery rhymes and baby club. He grins at other babies.

He goes in a bouncy chair and bouncer which he loves, can open and shut doors on his toys (no interest in opening cupboard doors though). I bathe him, play with him, read to peek a boo, dance around with him...

I don't know what else I'm supposed to be doing :( she didn't really give many details but basically said I'm not doing enough and I need to work harder to get him saying words, crawling, pulling himself up and copying or he will get really behind

It's really upset me as I thought he was doing ok and now I feel like I'm a bad mum who is affecting his development.

What else can I do? I've downloaded some apps but they all suggest things I'm already doing

OP posts:
welshweasel · 25/09/2020 15:46

He sounds absolutely perfect to me. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

bestbefore · 25/09/2020 15:46

FFS he sounds amazing. What a silly silly thing to say to you. Ignore her

bloodywhitecat · 25/09/2020 15:46

In what areas does the HV think he's behind? He sounds like a completely normal, happy, 9 month old to me

Juniperandrage · 25/09/2020 15:47

that sounds like nonsense to me. he sounds fine

dementedpixie · 25/09/2020 15:47

She sounds like a loon. He sounds like he's doing great to me. Some babies never crawl for a start and he sounds like he is engaging well with you

KnightsofColumbusThatHurt · 25/09/2020 15:48

She is talking total bollocks.

bloodywhitecat · 25/09/2020 15:48

My 10.5 month old doesn't point or wave (he does clap but has only done that since turning 10 months)

DonLewis · 25/09/2020 15:49

That sounds dreadfully unhelpful, fancy not suggesting what you could be doing if she thought you weren't doing enough!

But, it sound sto me like you are doing enough! I think the singing and talking is the key. Babies learn so much from that. It sounds like he has a full life, with an engaged mum, lots of toys, opportunities and love.

I say just keep doing what you're doing. Honestly. Flowers

steppemum · 25/09/2020 15:49

sounds just right.

dd2 was like this physically. I was getting really worried, then she started crawling, but commando crawled, pulling herself by arms, no legs, so I worried more.

No standing on lap, no pulling up, no cruising.

Then at 12 months she did all of that within a month and finally walked at about 14 months which is well within normal.

Babies really ARE all different. I always think that it is more helpful to think - are the moving forward? (not literally!) can he do a little more than a month ago? Yes? then he is fine

bloodywhitecat · 25/09/2020 15:49

"Saying words"!!! He's 9 months old not 19 months. She's a loon.

BigFart · 25/09/2020 15:49

Ignore, ignore, ignore. He sounds like a wonderful little boy and you seem a very caring an attentive mum!

My health visitor told me my son had a severe speech delay at the age of 2. He’s now 4 and speaks perfectly Hmm
Don’t stress, all kids are different and they do things in their own time!

TheGirlWithAPrince · 25/09/2020 15:50

Except the crawling it all sounds okay to me, my son is 2 and can still hardly say anything apart from a few words but I'm not bothered, both of mine started crawling at 6 months BUT I wouldn't have been worried until 12 months so seems like your baby's doing fine.

SqidgeBum · 25/09/2020 15:50

Saying words? Crawling? He is 9 months old?!?! My DD crawled at 12 months, walked at 19 months, and is 22 months and says animal sounds, 'down', 'toast' and 'my' (short for Milo, our dog) and that's about it.

Your HV sounds like a div. Ignore her. He will get there in time. If he isnt crawling by 12 months and isnt speaking at all by 18 months, then see what can be done. He is NOT behind, and you are doing brilliantly.

cupofdecaf · 25/09/2020 15:50

I think he sounds fine. DS who is 23 months never said mama but a couple of weeks ago started saying mummy. He's skipped it completely. As others have said some skip crawling completely.
Ignore her and enjoy your baby.

bloodywhitecat · 25/09/2020 15:51

I keep coming back to this but at none months old mine wasn't crawling or pulling to standing but he would happily stand with help. He's 10.5 months old now and today he took 5 steps completely on his own.

Honestly your HV sounds like an utter numpty. I wonder if she has any clue about child development.

Bubbletrouble43 · 25/09/2020 15:52

You sound fine. She on the other hand sounds like one of those idiotic know nothing health visitors that give the profession a bad name.

purpleme12 · 25/09/2020 15:53

This is why I hate health visitors
Please listen to what everyone's saying here
And please remember just because they're in that job doesn't mean they're good at it

Foreverbaffled · 25/09/2020 15:53

Sounds great! HVs often use the ASQ questionnaire - did you complete that? There is one for 9-12 month olds that my son was borderline delayed on one area at 9 months but was ahead of the game by 12 months. They rapidly change at this age and your son sounds like he’s doing wonderfully :)

mynameiscalypso · 25/09/2020 15:54

I think I remember your previous post. Your DS is definitely more advanced than mine (13 months) and a lot of his peers at nursery who are all 11 - 18 months based on what I've seen. HV is talking bollocks. I've decided not to engage with the service anymore - you know your baby best and he sounds awesome.

Brieminewine · 25/09/2020 15:54

That’s ridiculous! I literally can’t think of one more thing you could be doing to stimulate him! You’re doing a great job Flowers

ThePlantsitter · 25/09/2020 15:56

What were her exact words? It sounds very odd.

mbosnz · 25/09/2020 15:56

Some health visitors are worth their weight in gold. Some are more hair than wit. I fear you have one of the latter sort.


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redlockscelt · 25/09/2020 15:56

The only it sounds like he's not doing is reading all the baby development books which the HV has read. Ask her what she thinks he should be doing and then see what she says. He sounds fine to me.

CaraDuneRedux · 25/09/2020 15:57

Your DS sounds like he's doing brilliantly. Pretty much where mine was at that age (I got the rocking back and forwards thing, but he wasn't able to crawl till about 11 months, didn't talk till he was about 16, 18 months).

Your HV sounds like an idiot.

QualityFeet · 25/09/2020 15:58

She sounds appalling. Enjoy your lovely baby. I would complain - all she has done is undermine you.

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