HV says DS is behind and I'm not doing enough...

[Putmynewshoeson]

I'm a first time mum to a gorgeous nine month old. He's very engaged, laughs a lot and babbles, makes Baba and Mama sounds and does 'conversational' exchanges. He's trying to crawl (up on all fours and rocking backwards and forwards), can sit up unaided (unless he fancies flopping and rolling about), can roll both ways, can stand holding my hands although not cruising and drops to all fours to try and crawl as soon as he possibly can

He loves books, is engaged with toys and plays happily sitting on his playmat with various rattles and cups and things for ages. Doesn't stack yet or copy us so much (only with trying to blow raspberries) and doesn't wave or clap or point

I posted before because another mum worried me that he was behind and had some really reassuring responses but today I had a nine month telephone check with our health visitor and she's told me he's behind and I'm not doing enough to stimulate him or help him develop

I sing to him, he comes in the kitchen with me while I cook and I talk to him constantly. He plays with different toys on a playmat and in a play pen, we go on multiple walks a day to see the ducks, bang saucepans, I sit in the playpen with him and stack things up for him to knock down. He loves baby sensory on YouTube and nursery rhymes and baby club. He grins at other babies.

He goes in a bouncy chair and bouncer which he loves, can open and shut doors on his toys (no interest in opening cupboard doors though). I bathe him, play with him, read to him...play peek a boo, dance around with him...

I don't know what else I'm supposed to be doing :( she didn't really give many details but basically said I'm not doing enough and I need to work harder to get him saying words, crawling, pulling himself up and copying or he will get really behind

It's really upset me as I thought he was doing ok and now I feel like I'm a bad mum who is affecting his development.

What else can I do? I've downloaded some apps but they all suggest things I'm already doing

I think the only thing you need to change here is HV!
Your ds sounds fine.

Bloody nuts. My 4DC were all different. Please ignore her and enjoy your child, who sounds delightful.

My 19 year old ds sat up, crawled, walked late, in fact everything was classed as behind by HV, he is now doing a Microbiology degree.

Your baby is doing fine.

Please try not to worry, they all develop at their own pace. My DC all walked at 9/10 months but this was absolutely nothing to do with me - it sounds like I wasn't/am not currently doing more than you. The clapping etc came at 10 months not 9 for us. I had that phone questionnaire last week and there's no way they can tell if you are or aren't doing enough with your child!

He sounds very happy op and that's the main thing at this stage. It's more approaching age 2 that you can see if any concerns are founded.

I hope he's sitting in front of your HV when he discovers how to stick out his tongue...

In our area a nursery nurse or support worker does the telephone check lists. They don't always explain who they are and just say they're from the HV team.
You should phone and ask to speak to a HV and explain that you're confused by what you were told.

He sounds like a perfectly normal 9 months old op.
Pointing, waving and clapping only normally start between 9 and 12 months and he's right at the start of that range so I wouldn't worry in the slightest.

Please don't worry, it sounds like he's doing absolutely fine.

What a load of bollocks. Just ignore.

At my DS's 12 month check he couldn't put himself in a sitting position, he couldn't crawl, he didn't cruise and he didn't pull himself up.

Yet the HV declared him perfectly fine* 😑

Your DS sounds wonderfully normal 🥰

*he got a diagnosis age 5

Jesus Christ.

I’ve had two children and he sounds absolutely perfect.

Bloody idiot woman (HV, not you). You sound like a fantastic, engaged parent. She sounds like a loon. Ignore.

P.s this is why I’ve never seen a HV.

How terrible of her, he sounds as if he is doing great.
Mine are grown up now and we had none of this pressure, however I did lots of art /craft activities with them, we went outdoors a lot but I never did it with development goals in mind. Two boys and they played together so entertained each other as well.
I was a teacher and when they started school I just wanted them to be happy and make friends. My youngest was an August baby and at one stage in reception they felt he needed extra support. Both went on to obtain 1st Class Degrees.
Carry on with what you are doing.

Don't worry. My ds didn't say a single word until he was 2yr, 2m - yours is already chatting..

Mine was climbing stairs at 11 months, yours isn't

They all develop at different rates and the hv needs to give her head a wobble.

he is behind in quite a few motor skills, he should at least be crawling and showing signs of pulling up

There is no timetable of "should" with baby development - there's a huge range of ages for all stages - she is a very silly woman

@Putmynewshoeson, your DS sounds great and lots of fun, please try to ignore her if she comes out with anything like that again (or just avoid talking to her altogether if you can )

My DD never crawled (but bum shuffled) and didn’t walk until she was about 16 months. She now has a maths degree and is a fully functioning adult! Your DS is doing fine so stop stressing and just enjoy him

He sounds like a perfectly happy 9 month old baby. I really wouldn't worry 😊

WTAF? I just googled when babies should crawl. And lo and behold, page of hits all saying some variation of between 6 and 12 months. I've lost count of the number of babies I know who didn't crawl until later. Ditto, I know lots of babies who crawled weirdly young.

I honestly don't get this. I'm not usually the type to be shouting, "complain complain" but unless there's something we're not picking up from your posts vs your conversations, I'm struggling to understand how on earth this woman has an issue.

I certainly couldn't comment on him sitting and then falling over but even if that is something that is more concerning, not sure how playing yet more peek a boo is going to help with that? FFS.

Agree with others, completely ignore.

Sounds fine...In fact, you sound like a fantastic mum! I wasn't that great with my DS at that age. Was depressed and trying to study. I used to put him in the playpen with lots of toys and the baby monitor on and then exit quietly to the kitchen with a cup of tea and my laptop and see how long I could get away with before he started whining. DS is coming up for 3 now, we have a great relationship and he's not behind in the least! Sounds like you're doing a lot more than I did.

You mean he’s not playing piano or composing poetry yet? I would be very very concerned!

Ignore the HV, it sounds like your DS is a well taken care of little boy!

My DS was a late crawler and walker. He's 8 now and dead lazy, but he's quite capable of running around when it suits him. All kids develop differently.

he sounds adorable and you're doing a grand job!

Words from a 9mth old - give me strength. babbling -yes, words no

@Putmynewshoeson This will not be a popular opinion, but as non of us is able to see your DS in person it is difficult to say. From your previous posts, I can see that the HV opinion is backed by other mums seeing your son. He might be developing just fine like other suggested, but the HV questionnaire is designed to pick up areas that require improvement. This is nothing wrong and it is to help the children to catch up. I would suggest a few sessions a day to focus on his skills. Please don't take it a wrong way. I am sending a few suggestions. https://www.howwemontessori.com/how-we-montessori/2018/06/gross-motor-activity-ideas-for-the-montessori-baby-nine-months.html?utmsource=feedburner&utmmmedium=feed&utmcampaign=Feed%3A+HowWeMontessori+%28how+we+montessori%29

HV said similar to my mum about me. I was nearly three and wasn't walking or talking apparently.
I have a sister that was 18 months younger and she was hitting and jumping through milestones so it was evident that the HV was comparing.
Then, one day I spoke a full sentence and never stopped! And I walked unaided pretty much at the same time period.
We've since worked out it's a personality thing: I watch, observe and then when I have everything I need I do it all. My sister has lots of goes, makes mistakes (has lots of injuries) and keeps trying.
Neither is wrong.
We are all just fantastic the way we are.
I would suggest you ask her what she feels your child is doing well, and then remind her of how proud you are of your child for these achievements.
I would also note, no one has ever asked me in interviews or on school exams if I met my milestones on target... so it means very little in the future!

I remember being worried because my firstborn was up his feet and walking at 11 months but my daughter didn't until she was 13 months. Also, she shuffle bummed and he crawled, but they both grew up perfectly fine.

I imagine he doesn't tick certain boxes so that makes him 'behind'.

He sounds perfect and you sound like you're doing a great job. Ignore her, she'll be just a jobsworth.

Health Visitor checks mean fuck all - at my niece's 12 month check some of the questions were just laughable. One was can they get a raisin out of a water bottle.