HV says DS is behind and I'm not doing enough...

[Putmynewshoeson]

I'm a first time mum to a gorgeous nine month old. He's very engaged, laughs a lot and babbles, makes Baba and Mama sounds and does 'conversational' exchanges. He's trying to crawl (up on all fours and rocking backwards and forwards), can sit up unaided (unless he fancies flopping and rolling about), can roll both ways, can stand holding my hands although not cruising and drops to all fours to try and crawl as soon as he possibly can

He loves books, is engaged with toys and plays happily sitting on his playmat with various rattles and cups and things for ages. Doesn't stack yet or copy us so much (only with trying to blow raspberries) and doesn't wave or clap or point

I posted before because another mum worried me that he was behind and had some really reassuring responses but today I had a nine month telephone check with our health visitor and she's told me he's behind and I'm not doing enough to stimulate him or help him develop

I sing to him, he comes in the kitchen with me while I cook and I talk to him constantly. He plays with different toys on a playmat and in a play pen, we go on multiple walks a day to see the ducks, bang saucepans, I sit in the playpen with him and stack things up for him to knock down. He loves baby sensory on YouTube and nursery rhymes and baby club. He grins at other babies.

He goes in a bouncy chair and bouncer which he loves, can open and shut doors on his toys (no interest in opening cupboard doors though). I bathe him, play with him, read to him...play peek a boo, dance around with him...

I don't know what else I'm supposed to be doing :( she didn't really give many details but basically said I'm not doing enough and I need to work harder to get him saying words, crawling, pulling himself up and copying or he will get really behind

It's really upset me as I thought he was doing ok and now I feel like I'm a bad mum who is affecting his development.

What else can I do? I've downloaded some apps but they all suggest things I'm already doing

He sounds perfectly fine!

Did the HV go through a questionnaire with you? I recently had my child's 9m check and we had to complete tasks with the baby and mark on the sheet their ability to complete them.

Do you have any more specific information about where she feels youre falling short? It doesn't sound like you are!!

Like others have said, he sounds perfectly fine. I am really about HVs tbh, I got better advice on here and from other mums.

Hi

I’m worried that my DD doesn’t smile much and he is only 10 weeks old. Is he supposed to smile alots?
He has changed since 8 weeks vaccinations.
Anyone experience like that?

Are you sure your HV hasn't got you mixed up with somebody else who has an older baby?

Given that she assessed him over the telephone without actually seeing him, then she was relying upon your description of how he is doing perhaps if you had concerns, she picked up on these and reiterated them back to you?!
Perhaps she is advising all parents to up their game due to concerns that babies haven't socialized over lockdown and therefore could be lacking a few learned skills.

You can check his development yourself by goggling what most babies are expected to do by 9 MTHS. There is however, always a large degree of ley
Leeway, esp with regard to things such as crawling, standing, sitting unsupported etc.

Here's a few things that I used to do with my 9 month old (as I recall). Put her in a baby activity centre. Give her boxes of fabric, pine cones, random (but fairly safe) objects to play with and put in and out of boxes. Let her play with a small shallow tray of water in the summer. Give her musical toys to shake etc. Take her to the zoo/aquarium/park/walks/children's farms. Go to singing toddler groups, take her to the swimming pool, read to her, watch TV, let her play with sensory toys, blow bubbles, entertain her with hand puppets, put her in the bath with a load of toys and supervise. I was a SAHM and it is hard coming up with ideas as to how to entertain them all day at the best of times, let alone during lockdown. I'm sure that you are doing a great job. If you're not sure what she meant, call her back and ask her. Or just ignore her. Your call.

I would speak to her and say you are going to see the GP, get it checked, then never see that HV again.

In my experience they say what they like.

I don't want to be rude or disrespectful but some HVs can be honestly a bit... inaccurate and contradictory.

I remember my very first experience with an HV. I was youngish when I had my first and she offended me within the space of 2 minutes. She then after weighing baby said don't worry about weighing her frequently as it's unnecessary worry... but then came round on the second visit a few days later and almost chastised me for not getting her weighed in the 5 days between her visits

She also made several other claims that I know not to be correct about differences between formulas. I've had 3 babies and the other HVs have all been great but there honestly are some numpties out there and I actually don't think it's fair because of the impact their "advice" can have on first time mum's who are already worrying about doing everything right.

How strange. I’d complain about her. Even if he was behind which it doesn’t even sound like he is you should come away from a development check feeling supported not chastised.
This health visitor sounds like a dick.

Good grief. Ds1 did not speak until he was be at 2.5 then came out with full conversational speech. Also didnt crawl much but walked at 12 months. That said, at his 12 month review , HV said he was lacking problem solving skills. 😂🙄

He's 9 months!! Did she tell you exact what he was " behind" in.

Did she get you mixed up with a 12 month check or something? Saying words at 9months is not expected.

Saying words?? Does your HV realise you DC is 9 months not 19months?! He sounds like he's doing great and so are you. I would ignore- not easily done when it's something like this, but I really would. My DD didn't crawl til 10.5 months then walked at 11. Some children aren't up for crawling much- others love crawling and are slower to walk. They all do their own thing and when your DS is sat in a classroom when he's 4/5 no one is going to be able tell which child spoke first or walked first or ate solids first or whatever baby milestone it is.

I have two children, HVs for Ds1 were an incredible and supportive team and ran a parent and baby group that I attended every week. They were very keen to point out that all babies develop at different rates and not to worry whose baby rolled over first. I could not have had a better set of HVs.

Ds2 I was in a different area, just inept HV, made me feel shit and I am glad I wasn't a first time Mum otherwise I would have doubted myself.

Please know that all babies develop at different rates. It is hardly like you have left him in a cot all day long with no stimulation. He sounds completely fine. Ds1 was a non crawler, just rocked back and forth. My niece was a commando floor mover, never put her hands down, always her forearms but my goodness could she move.

Stop listening to that negative Mum, what could her motive be to say those things to you? Surround yourself with people who are kind, tell the others to fuck off

He sounds wonderful!

According to my mum - I never crawled and neither did my sister. We both walked at 11m.

My DD babbled for a week and then nothing for almost a month. Now she's unstoppable. And she crawls only commando style at 9.5m. No indications she was interested in standing up until yesterday when I left her to go to the toilet and came back to find her standing up in her playpen smiling at me cheekily.

It took me a bit to understand kids develop on their own pace. Sounds like you're doing great.

I've onlymetone HV who was worth her salt (mind she was amazing!). The other ones I've come into contact with both persoanlly and professionally have been bone-idle jobsworths.

I know that there will be a huge rush of posts defending this profession - well good-oh! That may be your experience - it certainly hasn't been mine.

Children develop at different rates. Your little on seems happy and healthy; you seem an engaged and caring mother; he is still very young - he'll achieve his milestones in his own time.

9 month check? That odd. Never known anyone to have one at 9 months always 11 months +. Are you sure she knew his age?

Third baby the health visitor was a numpty. She looked scruffy ate all my biscuits, drank tea and waffled on about non baby stuff. You are doing so much with your baby @Putmynewshoeson well done.

If we had baby groups, toddlers etc. running you would know this.

Please ignore that 'advice' from HV as he sounds like he and you are doing brilliantly.

And also while they are lovely babies don't need baby groups or special baby programmes or anything. They're literally designed to be with and learn from you. My son is 7 months and his development is great. He was born in January so has been a tiny baby since lockdown began. I sing to him, chat to him, read out loud to him and let him roam the chikdproofed areas of the house with toys and safethings to grab. It sounds like you are already doing perfectly as long as you let him move around plenty :)

I’m sure health visitors can be helpful but it’s not been my experience, i tend to adopt a ‘that’s nice’ expression and then do what feels right. Your baby sounds amazing, fulfilled and happy and tight on track. I have worked with lots of 9 month olds and I’d be saying it’s nearer 12 months before they are saying words or pulling themselves up. Don’t worry, enjoy your baby. And beware I’m sure HV’s have a quota of worrying remarks they need to make each day 🙄. Keep doing what your doing, you sound like you are doing a great job

My DS1 did not walk until 15 months old.

He's in the Navy now!

I'd suggest the HV should bog off and leave you to it - you're doing great.

I've got three children and I never knew talking 9 month olds were a thing. Are they? I've never met one.
One of ds2's classmates was talking quite well at 13 months, and she was the talk of the playgroups...
Everyone gathered round her, amused to bits at this tiny little thing (she was physically small for her age as well) chatting away
Even amongst the competitive London mummy brigade it was recognised as really unusual.

He sounds perfect. Ignore the health visitor, there are some good ones but also some really snotty ones too.

I would agree with PP's to just ignore. She didn't even meet him!! And he sounds gorgeous.
I'm sure there must be some wonderful health visitors, but like any profession there will be crap ones. I think sometimes they have to say something, anything, to tick that box and write up your notes to say what a wonderful thorough job they've done. If I had my time again I would question and challenge what my HV said to me (speech therapy at 2!! I was so worried). They're pissed on power sometimes.

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. My DD didn’t crawl until 13 months and instead of walking, would walk on her knees everywhere. I had so many comments about it that I stopped going to groups.

In our case, she just wasn’t ready to walk. The first time she did unaided(at 22 months), she ran around my parents house with glee. We were all so shocked and delighted. Until she said ‘How do I stop’ 😂

Every child develops differently. Trust your instinct.

Btw, my DD has always been more fearful of doing physical things ie She wouldn’t go down a slide, or go on the swings. It’s just part of her nature.

Your boy sounds normal.

Lots of children particularly boys don't talk until they are over 2. (Then they don't bloody shut up.)

In regards to leaving him to play alone - he needs to learn how to occupy himself and play by himself so when he's at school he can concentrate.

Just keep doing more of what you are doing.