HV says DS is behind and I'm not doing enough...

[Putmynewshoeson]

I'm a first time mum to a gorgeous nine month old. He's very engaged, laughs a lot and babbles, makes Baba and Mama sounds and does 'conversational' exchanges. He's trying to crawl (up on all fours and rocking backwards and forwards), can sit up unaided (unless he fancies flopping and rolling about), can roll both ways, can stand holding my hands although not cruising and drops to all fours to try and crawl as soon as he possibly can

He loves books, is engaged with toys and plays happily sitting on his playmat with various rattles and cups and things for ages. Doesn't stack yet or copy us so much (only with trying to blow raspberries) and doesn't wave or clap or point

I posted before because another mum worried me that he was behind and had some really reassuring responses but today I had a nine month telephone check with our health visitor and she's told me he's behind and I'm not doing enough to stimulate him or help him develop

I sing to him, he comes in the kitchen with me while I cook and I talk to him constantly. He plays with different toys on a playmat and in a play pen, we go on multiple walks a day to see the ducks, bang saucepans, I sit in the playpen with him and stack things up for him to knock down. He loves baby sensory on YouTube and nursery rhymes and baby club. He grins at other babies.

He goes in a bouncy chair and bouncer which he loves, can open and shut doors on his toys (no interest in opening cupboard doors though). I bathe him, play with him, read to him...play peek a boo, dance around with him...

I don't know what else I'm supposed to be doing :( she didn't really give many details but basically said I'm not doing enough and I need to work harder to get him saying words, crawling, pulling himself up and copying or he will get really behind

It's really upset me as I thought he was doing ok and now I feel like I'm a bad mum who is affecting his development.

What else can I do? I've downloaded some apps but they all suggest things I'm already doing

It really sounds like you are fine. One thing I will say, that I had no idea about when mine were small, is that crawling can be something to encourage. There is a small amount of research out there that links not crawling with learning differences like dyslexia etc in later life. Some folks recommend actually putting the baby on the floor and moving his arms and legs for him in a crawling motion, so he gets the idea. I in no way want to suggest that it's terrible if yours or anyone's baby doesn't crawl - like I said the research isn't conclusive, but if you have time maybe throw it into the mix, like tummy time (which I was rubbish at - both kids screamed blue murder on their tummies). But really it's so horrible when "experts" trash your hard-won sense of accomplishment with your child. You know you're doing fine, don't doubt it! Or speak to a doctor, not a health visitor armed with a checklist and a misplaced sense of superiority.

What nonsense.
"Fall behind" utter crap. All babies develop at different paces, as do kids, you can't fall behind. As a teacher I HATE that saying. I know kids who learnt to read at 3, at 7 and at 11. All grand now...I know babies who walk and talk at 10 months and those who waited until 2, cant tell the difference now and both had very similar input! Its like saying "ooh your daughter hasn't got her period yet, you must do more", so stupid.
Honestly this is why I stopped going to the HV, such crap and last thing anxious new mums need.
Your little boy sounds like he is developing beautifully and has a lovely, caring, involved mum.
Ignore the HV, she sounds like a moron!
Huge hug, you are doing great unlike the HV, who is clearly not so good at her job x

You are a great mum. I wouldn't listen to a HV opinion when they haven't "seen" him as much as you. My second son was classed as having a speech delay and hv said she suspected that he was on autistic spectrum due to other behaviour traits. Fast forward a year and a tonsillectomy for permanently enlarged tonsils; he is eating happy and speaking ( still not what is classed as a 4 year old should but he communicates great) he still very much takes things black and white but he is a perfect wee human. Please believe me YOUR opinion is the only one that matters ❤️

The crayon thing is for a much older child? Babies don't write!

@ThePlantsitter yes she did, why's that?

@GreenLeafTurnip he doesn't make animal or vehicle noises but he makes Baba and Mama noises and his own little jabbering talking noises. He does at me and DH and also at the TV when baby sensory is on - he probably has a bit too much screen time some days but he loves seeing other babies on the screen and our groups are still closed.

My beautiful now 16yo 😱 boy never crawled - he pulled up and cruised around stealing coasters wherever he went, but he never crawled.

Your HV is being a bit of a dick, imho

Fecking hell. And this is why, by baby number 3, I didn't bother with the HV.

FFS - personally I would wait until the next check at about a year and try and see a different health visitor for this. If you are worried about anything meantime speak to your GP. IMO they are more realistic / pragmatic / tend not to get as obsessed over milestone as HVs.

I had my HV telling me to do more tummy time or else he wouldn't be strong enough to crawl. DS hated it and would scream until i turned him back. But he was the first out of our group of babies to commando crawl / walk. He didn't bother crawling properly and never sat unaided (glad HV never picked up on that as I would've never heard the end of it)

My daughter was behind with sitting up, crawling etc but she did it all in the end, I wasn’t concerned at the time but the HV mentioned it. I just put it down to her being a big baby. She met all her milestones a few months after my eldest daughter and there are not concerns now.

Also if I'm correct I don't think crawling is a developmental milestone because some babies just don't crawl! So she sounds really crap to be honest!

Just remembered my cow of a HV got me panicked at I think 6 week check by pointing out DS wasn't following her scribbled face on a bit of paper 'unlike the boy she'd seen just before me who was doing it beautifully' and' 'I should mention it to the GP when I went in for the next check with them'. Cue speaking to GP at next appointment who watched son for a few seconds and said 'well he's just tracked my finger and pen'

Also OP I personally never crawled (as my
Mother delights in telling me) and although I am a bit un coordinated it's not something that has ever hindered me in my adult life. I am perfectly capable of running and walking about but I'm rubbish at hitting a tennis ball with a racquet.

Why are health visitors always so unhelpful and patronising?

You have nothing to worry about, no mum guilt needed here! You are doing a great job 👍🏻

All babies are different, my son was walking at 10 months but wouldn't say much till he was 2 and now he's a chatterbox. My daughter, at 10 months crawls with her legs straight and bum in the air 😂 but she can already say more words than my 2 year old could 6 months ago 😀
They are all different and remember some babies never crawl, he sounds like a clever attentive little boy, well done mumma!

He is fine! He sounds perfect for his age to me, actually I am impressed that he stands up at this age, it sounds early for me even if you hold his hands. Mine was only really interested in pushing with her legs while I held most of her weight, like in a walker.
Your HV needs a reality check!

@Putmynewshoeson definitely the wrong test then! That's the 2-2.5 test. I was just looking at my daughter's the other day and that was on it (she's 10 now ).

Search for 'nhs 2 year check' and you'll find it. I think it's called aqs 3.

@ThePlantsitter oh I will! Is the crayon scribble test part of it too? Some of what she was asking made sense for his age but some didn't to me. I'm sure I mentioned his age more than once though!

he should at least be crawling

Neither of my dcs ever crawled. They are teenagers now and more than fine

On the other side, if she was referring to test for a 2yo, then her reaction was completely off the other way!!!

He sounds perfect! Ignore her!

Just to add for further reassurance:

Me - didn't crawl, bum shuffled and walked late.

DD: Didn't move at 1 year, didn't start pulling up until 15-16 months, started bum shuffling about the same time, walked holding my hand at 19 months, then at 20 months decided to follow her nana into a shop, let go of my hand and walked in like she'd been doing it for years - leaving me totally speechless!!

Tried to "encourage" her to crawl by putting toys etc out of her reach but she wasn't bothered and would play with her fingers instead.

Even now as a near teen you cannot make her do anything until SHE is ready - she does it when she is damn well very sure she can do it! She was the same with potty training too - did it only when she was ready.

My DC never crawled and at about 11 months old started moving about on their bottom, never tried to walk and resisted terribly if anyone tried to encourage it (we were criticised mercilessly for this). As such, they didn’t get their first pair of shoes until 18 months old. 19 months old, stood up and walked almost perfectly and has been an excellent, sure footed mover from that moment onwards.

DC didn’t make many sounds and his first and only word for months was ‘dummy’, starting around 17 months. At 23 months suddenly started saying words and mimicking short statements. 26 months now and knows and says all the colours, repeats any new word we say to them and can count to 4 etc.

We know DC’s bright and we spend a lot of time bringing him along - this is sometimes not evident to others, even family members.

DC observes and masters then demonstrates this - we learned very early on to take all sorts of comments and ‘advice’ with a pinch of salt.

You sound as though you are doing a very good job at being a Mummy and provided that the comments are unjust then you should seek further steer from the HV on what she would expect you do be doing.

I still remember being upset after the 1 year review which we were called to just before 9 months. Mine was a late crawler and walker but had good communication and speech. I really worried about it but you can't force a child to start walking. They do it when they're ready.
I declined the 2 year check .....

Thank you all. I am a little anxious as you can probably tell, I've struggled being a first time mum in lockdown and my area has gone back into local lockdown

I think I'll call on Monday as they are closed now just to speak to someone else about the experience and to highlight that I wasn't given any support and just told to Google it. I've now looked up different checklists and am further confused because the crayon question seems to be part of the 12 month check and the putting something in a container or bottle part of the 24 month check so none of those seem to fit his age

From what I remember the 12 month check is given anytime from 9 months - that's what happened to us and I felt cheated that we were compared to babies 3 months older. At that young age 3 months is huge!

@rainb0wdrops oh that's interesting and yes I agree three months is a huge difference at this age. Just the difference in now and three weeks ago is huge when I look at what DS couldn't do then!

@purpleme12

This is why I hate health visitors Please listen to what everyone's saying here And please remember just because they're in that job doesn't mean they're good at it

Agreed. I'd ignore her. Anything he isn't doing is nothing to do with your efforts.