Talk me down because I am about to leave the house and go away forever

[FallingOffTheBed]

I have a really stressful job that pays shit money and which is pretty much relentless. I have worked through lockdown and every weekend since it all began. My work furloughed 80% of staff and epxected us remaining to pick it all up. I am on my fucking knees.

I have 2 Dcs one of whom has ASD and is hard fucking work.

Abotu half an hour ago he took a chocolate milkshake upstairs, sat on my bed and then spilled it everywhere. All over my bed. All down the side of the bed. Into my drawers, Ruined two books I had on my nightstand. Down into the extension cord so our power went out. Everywhere.

I can't even look at him. i am just literally on my fucking knees and this is the last fucking straw. My bed is ruined. My bedclothes are ruined. i am trying to clean up the mattress. Milk has soaked trhough into the mattres itself. i am trying to clean the carpet. DS is aged 10 and kniows he is not allowed to do this. he is screaming in his room. I just want to walk out of the house and never come back. I need a break from my own life. i am so so so tired and now I have to sleep on a milk sodden mattress.

God help me. I am at the end of my fucking rope.

You poor thing. Can you later the wet with towels or blankets so you don’t get wet in the night?
Are you able to take a weekends a/l to decompress a bit?

I donlt know. i canot see the wood for the trees. I literally do not know what to do or think or what to do next. I want to go and get on a train and leave.

Oh God, have nothing helpful to advise but just wanted to send a bit of solidarity, and it's absolutely fine and normal to feel this way

OP that sounds really shite.
DS did that with coffee recently on my bed, accidentally but cleaning it up was a nightmare.
The stuff will clean up but when you are exhausted that isn't really the point.

Do you have a partner at home?

Ok. It's awful. But it's not the end of the world in and of itself, just the last straw. If you can't deal with him yet, carry on with the mattress. Scrub it with hot water and washing up liquid.If you have cat litter, put some in a pillow case on the wettest part. Otherwise, use towels and something heavy and water resistant on top.

Massive hugs, that sort of thing is literally going to to tip anyone over the edge right now after months of this shit, let alone someone broken by work and with a challenging ASD child. Big big hugs. I spilt a pot of hot coffee everywhere the other day (toddler in other arm, dropped while pouring) And it was everywhere - inside drawers, everywhere. Took every shred of strength not to scream. So you are not overreacting at the overwhelm of this unwanted huge mess that is basically the last straw.

Let’s look ahead - is there anywhere else you can sleep tonight - sofa?

Is there anyone who can have DS for a bit tomorrow? Xx

Thing is, in order to try to get everything done in a day I get up at 4.30. i work and work and work and work and I am exhausted. This has just tipped me over the edge. I have nothing left inside of me to deal with it in a reasomable way. I am posting ebcause otherwise I would just scream my head off or slit my wrists.

After you have scrubbed the chocolate off could you flip the mattress?
Otherwise a batch of towels will help keep you dry.

Power out is presumably a fuse, usually just a switch to put back. Then go and cuddle him or whatever you usually do to comfort him. You'll feel a bit better once he's calm.

You’ve got a partner, he doesn’t work, get him to clean up with you.

I have a DH. He has just got the vax machine out. He is not great with the Dcs. And he just tunes out of life generally speaking. I am struggling.

Can you go for a walk round the block? This is definitely the straw that broke the camels back, feel for you OP, I would be fuming!
If you get signed off for a fortnight with stress, would you get paid? They will be back at school soon and hopefully things will get easier. Thinking of you

Thanks everyone. xxx i appreciate it. I am feeling calmer now. I am just so so tired.

Screaming your head off is ok OP. Please don’t slit your wrists though. Corny as it sounds this too shall pass.

The mental health implications of the past few months on so many mothers has been huge and will not be properly managed. I have absolutely been in your headspace, I’ve wanted to die recently just to have peace quiet. I’m fine today so I know it’s not ‘real’ but Jesus it feels real when I’m in it so I fully acknowledge how you must be feeling. Please please be kind to yourself you’re doing amazingly well you will look back and see what a warrior you are.

You just need a few things to look forward to right now - what can we figure out? Xxx

Phone in sick for tomorrow. Take a break. You need to stop. Breathe.

Can you have some time off work when the kids are back to school so you get a proper break from the kids and work?

I can't go and cuddle Ds right now as I am too tired. I hate that i am like this. I hate I am so angry. i just feel so lost and ignored and disregarded.

If you have a DH in the house, which you do, then I think you can get out of there for a while.

Maybe you need to leave him to struggle for a day or two? Can you have a night away and a break.
DH needs to step up. You can’t keep on doing everything OP.

As lots of of PPs are saying - You need to take a break. Call in sick/book holiday and tell DH to pull his fucking weight. Xx

I would leave DH to clean up the mess.
If you can calm dc try and do that. If that isn't possible I would work on calming yourself.
A walk, a shower, five minutes breathing outside.

You are ill and need to take time off work.

Phone in sick tomorrow and get a GP appointment.

They will cope at work - they have no choice. You need to come first now otherwise something really serious could happen.

Give yourself some space to breathe and work out what needs to change as this is not sustainable.

Longer term, it sounds like the work situation is the biggest stressor. Is there any way to make that better? You probably can't see the wood for the trees at the moment but obviously this is not a sustainable scenario.

Oh bless you justanothermolther. That is exactly what I am feeling.

i feel so mujch calmer now just screaming about it onto mumsnet. Calner. Much calmer. Thank you.