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Original poster

Talk me down because I am about to leave the house and go away forever

236 replies

FallingOffTheBed · 30/08/2020 19:11

I have a really stressful job that pays shit money and which is pretty much relentless. I have worked through lockdown and every weekend since it all began. My work furloughed 80% of staff and epxected us remaining to pick it all up. I am on my fucking knees.

I have 2 Dcs one of whom has ASD and is hard fucking work.

Abotu half an hour ago he took a chocolate milkshake upstairs, sat on my bed and then spilled it everywhere. All over my bed. All down the side of the bed. Into my drawers, Ruined two books I had on my nightstand. Down into the extension cord so our power went out. Everywhere.

I can't even look at him. i am just literally on my fucking knees and this is the last fucking straw. My bed is ruined. My bedclothes are ruined. i am trying to clean up the mattress. Milk has soaked trhough into the mattres itself. i am trying to clean the carpet. DS is aged 10 and kniows he is not allowed to do this. he is screaming in his room. I just want to walk out of the house and never come back. I need a break from my own life. i am so so so tired and now I have to sleep on a milk sodden mattress.

God help me. I am at the end of my fucking rope.

OP posts:
Arthersleep · 30/08/2020 19:46

Getting up at 4.30am is not sustainable. You need to carve out some quiet time for yourself during the day or evening. When you have calmed down, take a deep breath and write a list. What needs to change and what can you change? Can you talk to work about how you are feeling? Can DH step in to help more? Is so, what do you need him to do? Be specific. Can you reduce your hours slightly at all? It has been relentless under lockdown without getting a break from the kids and there has been so much more mess to clear up than usual. A few more days and they will be back at school. Hopefully that will alleviate a bit of pressure. Can you take a day off and curl up and watch a movie? Or go away at half term for a couple of days?

madmumofteens · 30/08/2020 19:47

Be kind to yourself OP no wonder you flipped everyone has a breaking point 💐 for you!

LovingLola · 30/08/2020 19:47

Your work situation is insane.
You have said previously that you are very wealthy - due to your husband’s circumstances- and you only work to pay for holidays.
Please stop and look at what you are doing to yourself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

10 year olds
Ori82 · 30/08/2020 19:48

Honestly......I would take yourself off to the GP tomorrow & get yourself signed off. Don’t put a time limit on it. You may need to take a few weeks, or longer.

You sound like you’re doing too much at work. Use the time off to look for another job. You will feel so much better for having some space to think & sort out next steps.

You can’t give, give give all the time; your body is tired, your mind is tired. I think you need to put yourself first & go see your Dr tomorrow.

Requinblanc · 30/08/2020 19:48

First of all you need to take time off work.

Phone in sick and then make an appointment with your GP to get signed off longer term. Your workplace is taking the piss by expecting the remaining staff to do the job of those who are on furlough.

Longer term I would look at trying to get a less stressful job.

But to be honest it also sounds like your partner is also not pulling his weight...If you are pretty much left with caring for two kids on your own and working around the clock I think it is time for a serious conversation with him about starting to contribute more. At the moment he seems to be having an easy life while you struggle...

Friendsoftheearth · 30/08/2020 19:48

You need a break. You are literally at breaking point.

Dh needs to take the dc out tomorrow, anywhere not your problem.

Call in sick tomorrow with a sore throat and spend the day resting, once you have ordered new bedding for dh to collect on his way out.

The strain we are all under is enormous, we are all feeling the same, you are not alone. We have done six months - relentless. You are are allowed to cry and scream, because it IS so shit. Kids are back next week things will get better. I am so sorry you are struggling, but dh has to take the dc before you have a nervous breakdown and you will be no use to anyone.

Take some time out - your job can wait - everyone can wait. GP can sign you off. Op, sometimes we get so buried we can't even see the wood from the trees.

Daisy12Maisie · 30/08/2020 19:49

Have you got any time off in lieu or annual leave you could use? Even if you book it for the future it would be the light at the end of the tunnel to just chill in your pyjamas.
You have done amazing working throughout. Make sure people at work know you are exhausted.
I'm often the same after workingong hrs and if something similar happened I would just say to my boys I'm completely exhausted and I need you to help when you can.

Delbelleber · 30/08/2020 19:52

I hope you get an amazing sleep tonight Flowers you definitely need it.

Mollscroll · 30/08/2020 19:54

God that sounds awful. I'm so sorry. I would be exhausted and furious and in despair too. I don't have any advice as good as the smart women on here have already given but I just wanted to say that I hear you. If I was there with you I would go in your bedroom with a bucket and a scrubbing brush and some washing up liquid and a gallon of Febreze (that milk is going to stink Sad). But I'm not so just offering a listening ear.

Catandchicken · 30/08/2020 19:54

There is the "yoghurt" incident in our family narrative. I had cleaned; DS1 - very dyspraxic - "opened" a drink yoghurt. Well, f... me, I still don't know how it covered the entire f...ing kitchen, but it so did. I screamed and didn't stop! Even now, I swear about it. Straw ..... camel ..... - you are there. Don't sweat it.

How about a couple of days off sick? How about some therapy for you? How about a couple of hours a week - totally ring fenced - for you? DH can survive that long, can't he? Or is there someone you trust more?
Bin the mattress? Bensons do really good ones and used to do an amazing 0% deal. Create a hot chocolate zone? It will be OK.

Bluepolkadots42 · 30/08/2020 19:55

I do not blame you for wanting to just scream. You need a break. You are shouldering incredibly heavy and exhausting burdens and have been for many, many months. Anyone is going to reach the same stage you are at.
As others have said- get DH to pull his weight. You may not have energy for that conversation right now but it needs to happen in the future.
Phone in sick tomorrow and take a mental health day. It might even be worth visiting your GP and see if they will sign you off for a week so you can regroup and get your head together.
Book yourself a few nights away somewhere if you can or go and visit a friend/relative alone during this sick leave.
Mental health is as important as physical health.
Sending you a massive hug and hoping you can get the break you desperately need Flowers

TheABC · 30/08/2020 19:56

To echo the others: it's time to make some major life readjustments.

  1. DH does not get to tune out. I don't care if you "owe" him the house; these are his kids and he should at the very least be sharing the parenting burden. I imagine, since he is not working, you are paying the bills? Does he not benefit from that?
    Same applies to the housework unless he eats thin air and never sweats or sheds skin. If you divorced it would be 50/50 residency and 100% of the housework for him. Point this out in Big Fucking Letters.

  2. School is about to start. Book a day or two of annual leave and just sleep, whilst they are out. Self care is not selfish.

  3. Talk to your line manager. The current workload is unsustainable and you are burning out. If there's that much work, presumably there's enough income to match it. Have this conversation now, rather than wait and hope for more staff to be unfurloughed. They will be thinking of cost savings and mass redundancies next month if they believe you are all "coping". Ultimately, you may have to stick to your contracted hours in order make the point and let the wheels come off. A bit like your DH and the housework.

In both scenarios, your work and home load is unsustainable and will continue to be until you say "enough". It's not going to change from the outside, because no one else feels the pain, except you.

Good luck and please take that break. Smile

AdoraBell · 30/08/2020 19:59

Hope you feel better after your walk.

You do not need to prove that you are a good wife/sister/mother/employee. You are a human, not a machine. I think that pp suggested you call in sick tomorrow are right, and if you do stay in bed and leave your DH to deal with the house and DC. They have 2 parents and both of them live in the house, so both are responsible for the house work and parenting.

OhTheRoses · 30/08/2020 20:03

Take a week op. Call in sick - you don't need a fig note for the first week. Tomorrow you sort out the DC's clothes for three days. Tuesday you sort out the food. Wednesday with a good book, bubble bath, good wine, you book into an hotel for two nights. You have long walks, mooch the shops, paint your toenails or whatever else you fancy. And breathe.

Then may I respectfully suggest you look into an au-pair if your DH isn't stepping up. Flowers

Jux · 30/08/2020 20:07

Flowers You're doing brilliantly; your dh needs to match that.

serialreturner · 30/08/2020 20:09

Sorry.....

DH doesn’t work and YOU are the one getting up at 4.30?

WTAF?

He needs a swift kick in the nads

You need either a/l or a sick line and a long weekend by yourself to reset.

Good luck. X

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/08/2020 20:10

You need a break. You are literally at breaking point.

I think so too.

Can you go somewhere else tonight? Relative, hotel - wherever.

I mean, don't just disappear - tell your DH and your children that you really, really need to get some sleep - it's nobody's fault it's just you are tired. Then ring in sick at work, book in somewhere for a night or two, take a couple of trashy novels, and just rest.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/08/2020 20:10

Pull a Morrisey tomorrow and spend the day in bed!!
Hope your walk does you good. Flowers

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/08/2020 20:11

And when you go back home, tell your DH to shift his lazy *rse or the next time you won'r be back.

Daisychainsandglitter · 30/08/2020 20:11

Thanks OP. I hear you. My DD has ASD and is bloody hard work at times. You sound exhausted. I hope you manage to have a nice walk and clear your head.

queenofknives · 30/08/2020 20:11

Ring in sick tomorrow. Go to the GP, get signed off for as long as you can. Then you can start to think about what you need to change long term.

Wishing you strength.

FOKKYFC · 30/08/2020 20:18

I'm so sorry. My daughter did something similar last week and I glimpsed the abyss, but she didn't make the power short out - I think that would have sent me over the edge. I assumed you were a different single parent. Enraged to see your husband's contribution was getting the Vax out. Unbelievable.

katy1213 · 30/08/2020 20:21

Walk out tomorrow and leave him to it. To hell with him being 'not very good' with his own children; they'll survive.

Original poster
FallingOffTheBed · 30/08/2020 20:22

Thank you. I ma in the pub with a mini bottle of prosecco.

Now will read back all your kind posts.

OP posts:
Dominicgoings · 30/08/2020 20:23

Mine was tomato soup.
Everywhere.
I still can’t look at the damn stuff.

But don’t let this be brushed under the carpet.
Don’t pretend to your DH that this was a one off.
You can’t sustain this. It’s absolutely crazy that with two adults in the house, you are carrying everything.
Time for a few ultimatums and a few ground rules.

And go buy yourself a new mattress. And don’t be getting off it before 6am and only then when DH brings you a cup of tea!