Talk me down because I am about to leave the house and go away forever

[FallingOffTheBed]

I have a really stressful job that pays shit money and which is pretty much relentless. I have worked through lockdown and every weekend since it all began. My work furloughed 80% of staff and epxected us remaining to pick it all up. I am on my fucking knees.

I have 2 Dcs one of whom has ASD and is hard fucking work.

Abotu half an hour ago he took a chocolate milkshake upstairs, sat on my bed and then spilled it everywhere. All over my bed. All down the side of the bed. Into my drawers, Ruined two books I had on my nightstand. Down into the extension cord so our power went out. Everywhere.

I can't even look at him. i am just literally on my fucking knees and this is the last fucking straw. My bed is ruined. My bedclothes are ruined. i am trying to clean up the mattress. Milk has soaked trhough into the mattres itself. i am trying to clean the carpet. DS is aged 10 and kniows he is not allowed to do this. he is screaming in his room. I just want to walk out of the house and never come back. I need a break from my own life. i am so so so tired and now I have to sleep on a milk sodden mattress.

God help me. I am at the end of my fucking rope.

My (now) 14 yo and very cool niece, when she was 3, fetched buckets of water and persuaded an easily led playmate to play 'paddling at the beach'. On the other child's landing carpet, while my sister sat nervously drinking coffee with the host mum. Took a while for all concerned to live that one down! (to be fair to my sister, she hadn't wanted to let niece out of her sight in the first place).

Morning all. Thanks again foir everything. I am feeling very validated which has helped me no end.

I am working from home today- we got into the office and found our internet is down. Thank heavens i have a short commute.

A colleague had a panic attack last night and is rightfully off sick. i understand that!! But I am feeling fine today and able to deal with today and what it brings.

The Dcs are back at school next week and thrilled I am home. We have made cheese toasties.

I told DH that as one of the things we need to sort is the dryer. It broke years ago and he will not get it fixed because of the 'expense' of running it. I told him he can choose- laundry service weekly or fixing the dryer. He's to inform me of his decision at 6 pm.

I am getting a much needed laugh out of all your spilled milk, - and water stories. :)

I am usually pretty chilled but I have snapped over a coffee today. It wasn't even properly spilled but my DS had been stirring it with such vigour it was sloshing out

It is obviously a trend with spilled liquids 😂

I forgot to add! It was my coffee and I had told him to stop at least 5 times....

Now you're feeling better I'm minded to tell you about the time DS pebble-dashed his entire bedroom with vomit at 11pm, but maybe that's TMI?

Good call on the dryer.

If your dryer broke years ago, how has your husband been drying the laundry ?

I assume it’s your husband who is doing it as he’s a SAHP and you work full time.

I’m also assuming that you live in the Uk and therefore need some inside clothes drying facilities.

@ALLIS0N

If your dryer broke years ago, how has your husband been drying the laundry ?

I assume it’s your husband who is doing it as he’s a SAHP and you work full time.

I’m also assuming that you live in the Uk and therefore need some inside clothes drying facilities.

We drape stuff over the furniture. Or have those clothes dryer things in the spare room

Now i write it and read it I see how ridiculous it sounds!

It broke years ago and he will not get it fixed because of the 'expense' of running it

Sorry op but this just gets worse and worse.

No honestly- it sounds insane. I get that. But it's not that bad.

I have just gone with the flow on things like that.

I am laughing at myself and what i have put up with. It is going to change. I am writing a list of things that need to change.

Then i am presenting him with that at 6 pm too. ;)

3 weeks of laundry service.......

3 weeks of laundry service.......

Sorry op but a wealthy husband who controls the purse strings?
Not repairing the drier due to cost, you pay for hols for you and the kids cus he doesn’t like them, he’s in his own world and is a shit dad?
Fuck him.
Divorce him and take half.
Stop struggling.
He’ll have to have the kids 50/50 too and step up.

Honestly, you sound like such a lovely person but in complete denial.

Your wealthy husband watches you get up at 4.30am to work, care for a child with sn and won't even provide his family with decent white goods to make life easier, virtually driving you to have a breakdown. It's absolutely despicable.

It doesn’t sound insane, it sounds abusive ☹️

No, honestly it isn't, and I do not mean to make it sound that way.

It's a snapshot of small insanities that need to change. DH is best described as slightly eccentric and usually mostly oblivious. I have sort of not argued and just gone with it. As soon as I will point it out to him he will 'get it'.

Trust me, I work with domestic abuse victims and it is a very long way from anything like that. The main issue is that I do not make my needs known. As soon as I do he is on board.

You need t making sure you have a voice and you actually take care of you.

So your colleague is now off sick, piling more pressure on the rest of you? What has your LM done to make your workload manageable within normal working hours?

The main issue is that I do not make my needs known.

Has this been the way for the whole of your relationship? Does it not make you feel as if you have no value to him? Why can’t he see for himself without you having to spell it out for him?

You are amazing op. 👏 for freaking out when needed!

Just a thought - if DS is ASD might one or both of you and DH have some traits? Sounds like DH does if he needs things spelling out Like that ! -

It might explain some of your own stuff too though as women present so differently- internalising stuff, needing time to yourself so much you are willing to get up so early to achieve it, And being single minded in your job and letting the idea you need to prove you’re not a gold digger persist so much. None of which are faults- in fact they are great talents to have - but it might help you understand yourself a bit when talking to therapists?

Get that drier and a new matress sharpish!

Trust me, I work with domestic abuse victims and it is a very long way from anything like that. The main issue is that I do not make my needs known. As soon as I do he is on board

Just another thought - it doesn't have to be what you see in a DV service to be abusive. Just because it isn't at the sharp end of that spectrum doesn't mean there isn't a problem. There is a huge power differential in your relationship.

@SunshineCake

Given what the biscuit means, and what this thread is about, posting the biscuit is really disrespectful.

You can add to the watch list if you don't want to post but want to read.

@SunshineCake wtf does a biscuit mean??

Posting a biscuit is disrespectful? 😂😂 Sorry, I’m ex netmums (this site is much better)! I haven’t seen the list of pictures and their meanings on Mumsnet yet. Perhaps someone can explain to me what a biscuit means, plus any other ones so I can avoid getting told off again

Sorry if I did something offensive op! Also just found out I can apparently ‘watch’ things to find them again. I thought I had to post something and then I bookmark it

Certainly seems convenient for him that his apparent indifference and ambivalence works in his favour both financially and in regard to division of labour.