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I'm so proud of my teen DD standing up for herself

223 replies

lyralalala · 28/08/2020 21:40

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

OP posts:
sycamorecottage · 30/08/2020 18:28

even the ones who don't like me You might find they like you a bit more, now they've seen for themselves how he treats women.

midwifeync · 30/08/2020 18:36

Omg what a bastard!? What are they commenting on on fb?

Did he post his own status complaint about DD leaving with the cakes? And then his friends have called him out?

They are clearly so better off without him. Thank god his parents are better than he is!

DolphinsAndNemesis · 30/08/2020 18:36

I'm proud of your DD too and I don't even know her! She has behaved with such grace in response to truly appalling behaviour by her father. What a strong, principled young woman she is. And kind too.

Your whole family sounds lovely, including your ex's parents. As for the ex, it is his loss (and entirely his fault) that this wonderful girl no longer wants anything to do with him.

Interested in this thread?

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OliviaBenson · 30/08/2020 18:45

Wow, what on earth possessed him to put it on Facebook. Shows how cocky he is. Your DD sounds fab.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 30/08/2020 19:02

That girl has so much class.

Soubriquet · 30/08/2020 19:25

@OliviaBenson

Wow, what on earth possessed him to put it on Facebook. Shows how cocky he is. Your DD sounds fab.
Exactly. Could you imagine the message?

“How fucking selfish is my dd. She baked me lots of cakes for my party and then took them all home when I said she couldn’t go. I paid out £20 for them!”

Ellie56 · 30/08/2020 19:30

The more you post about your Ex the more of a tit he sounds. You and your DDs are well rid of him.

lyralalala · 30/08/2020 19:33

He posts everything on Facebook. His entire life is on there.

He and his ex wife are one of those couples who would post "That's me done. Just living MY life for me and my kids now. Don't need no-one else" on a Friday night after a drunk row. Then come Wednesday week it would be "Cosy nite in with my babes. Living my best life". At some point there would be something along the lines of "People can judge however they want. Just jealous because we're happy #soulmates". Followed by "Never again. Can't trust anyone. Looking after #1 from now on"... It's a constant stream of that, but with even worse grammar.

His initial comment was about her "stropping" home because she didn't get her own way and that being ridiculous at 17. A load of people joined in with how spoiled and immature teens are these days. He then posted that he had "only" changed the plans because of Covid and then a few people were a bit "Erm, hang on mate, that's not ok..."

The more he posted, the shittier a father he has shown himself to be.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 30/08/2020 19:35

I love people who do that on fb. Comedy gold.

lyralalala · 30/08/2020 19:35

@Ellie56

The more you post about your Ex the more of a tit he sounds. You and your DDs are well rid of him.
He is an absolute tit.

If someone told me now that the guy I knew growing up and fell for had been bodyswapped when I was pregnant I'd believe them.

How he became this person I do not know. His family are lovely. His brothers are proper family men. Where he gets his shit from I do not know.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 30/08/2020 19:36

@roarfeckingroarr

I love people who do that on fb. Comedy gold.
I love it when other people call them out.

I seen one once where a woman posted a really gushy, OTT, comment about her husband and someone replied with "Did you not call him a fat, lazy prick on Saturday? Hmm" and the whole post got deleted shortly after

OP posts:
SparklyOnTheInside · 30/08/2020 19:38

I read this with my DD(16), we both think your ex is a total a prick and you DD is fabulous!

Vodkacranberryplease · 30/08/2020 20:02

I am spending today eating lovely food and watching, thanks to him having shit privacy settings, my ex (and his wife/ex-wife) getting his arse handed to him on a plate on Facebook. Turns out bitching about your child isn't a popular thing to do. Especially when you tell the story and people point out that ditching your DD in such a way is fucking hideous hideous.

This whole thread is the best thing I've seen on here for ages and this update is just FANTASTIC!!' Call me nosy but I would give anything to see this post.

And you have an amazing family. From your lovely MIL to his parents and your sweet and thoughtful nephew and the rest of the camping gang. From a violent alcoholic dad to this? No history is NOT repeating itself.

Your girls are rock stars too. Looks like your DD is going to be on the great British bake off at some point as well! Talking about her inspiring family and not mentioning her awful father...

Noshowlomo · 30/08/2020 20:49

I’m so so nosy, I would LOVE to read this fb post and know their names so I could snoop all their posts. I loves a snoop me!!!
Your DD is spectacular!!!!

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 30/08/2020 21:02

This thread made me cry! In a nice way, your whole family (ex excluded of course) sound so lovely and good on her for hitting him where it hurts. And great for you that you can watch him out himself as a fickle prick online!

Vodkacranberryplease · 30/08/2020 21:08

@Noshowlomo

I’m so so nosy, I would LOVE to read this fb post and know their names so I could snoop all their posts. I loves a snoop me!!! Your DD is spectacular!!!!
ME TOO! I would give literally anything to see the flack this guy is gettting!!!
billy1966 · 30/08/2020 21:28

So funny OP.
I'm not on FB, nor anyone I know posts on it..so bizarre to read about a life narrative that is played on out in.
Hilarious!
Great comedy for you on it no doubt!👍

ColleagueFromMars · 30/08/2020 21:34

This is a glorious tale of feminism and justice and I love it!

YouJustDoYou · 30/08/2020 22:19

Op, if my own children turned out even half as amazing as people as yours...I would just die from pride. It actually frightens me that I'm fucking everything up, like my mum and dad fucked me up, and I worry every day, am I doing this right? Everyone says "just wait until they're teens!" In a smug laughing at me way, and it makes me feel so sad. I just want them to be even a tiny bit like your dd, just even a little.

lyralalala · 30/08/2020 22:27

I’ve had a PM asking about Facebook (not from anyone I can see posting here). Obviously I’m not going to start giving out his name 😂

@YouJustDoYou I have the same worries every day. Am I good mum? Am I good step-mum? Am I like my parents?

Counselling really helped me get my head straight on the kind of parent I want to be. It doesn’t always work. Trying to get 6 kids organised does sometimes mean pointing out to 3x teens that they shouldn’t need more chivvying than the 3 littlies.

Someone told me once that all you can do is give your best and then trust your kids to know you’ve given your best and then give their best. I’m sure you do great.

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 31/08/2020 08:09

I was in my 40’s before I told my waste of a space sperm donor what I thought I thought of him. Your dd rocks.

I hope she’s ok after this, he might be a complete and utter twat but the abandonment still hurts.

Footle · 31/08/2020 16:44

I wonder if the boys got their cupcakes or if he scoffed them.

Sliceofrice · 02/01/2021 10:46

How did iy go at Christmas op?

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