I'm so proud of my teen DD standing up for herself

[lyralalala]

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

Well done to your DD!

What a star she is!

I take my hat off to you daughter. She was not 'huffy and childish'. 'Huffy and Childish' would have been throwing the cakes at him and telling him what an areshole he is!
( Which is what I would have done!)

Video yourselves eating the cakes then send it to him 🍰

She's magnificent. Well done!

She's amazing OP.
What strength! She is setting amazing standards for herself. Please show her this thread.

He's the biggest arse.

Update - he has noticed the missing food. As expected he's gone ballistic. Accused her of sabotaging his birthday out of spite and of ruining the day for her younger half-siblings. He also said it was stealing as he gave her £20 to go toward the ingredients (I'm fuming at that - she has spent a lot more than £20).

She's very calm. She told him she'd left named cupcakes for her brothers in the fridge and that he and ex-step-Mum can cater for the rest of their family and friends themselves. She sent him the £20 on paypal (I strongly disagreed with that, but she wanted to do it so she kept the moral high ground) and told him to have a nice life.

In typical teenager style she's now back asleep - after having a cupcake and some banana bread for breakfast.

I'm very, very proud.

@DontBeShelfish

God, I want to slap your ex around the head. What a bastard. I hope your DD isn't feeling too down once the adrenaline has worn off.

As a complete aside, I'm seriously impressed at her making cakes and quiches from scratch: I'm useless at baking. So with that alongside standing up to twatty men, she's already adulting far harder than I'm managing to do at the age of 40.

I'm super impressed by her. I taught her very basic baking as she spends a lot more time at home than her sister because of her health. She then taught herself the rest from books and YouTube and now her siblings all much prefer birthday cake from her than shop bought.

Just, round of applause! But not too loud, she deserves her sleep

She is a total star, well done to her and to you!

She's really good. Great comeback and I agree with her sending £20 he now doesn't have a leg to stand on.

OMG the absolute nerve of the man! There is a special place in hell for him.

Good on her! I hope you all have a fab weekend together!

I’d be proud too, what a knob.

Whatever did you see in him 🤨

Your daughter is amazing! Taking £20 from a 17 year old is absolutely disgusting. I bet she spent hours making all of that in addition to spending her own money on top.

Well done to your dd. It's so hard when you have to realise your parents do not have your back. Good thing she has 1 parent who does.

Your daughter is a star, good work.

shes fab

Your daughter has class

@Fluffycloudland77

I’d be proud too, what a knob.

Whatever did you see in him 🤨

I've asked myself that before, but even his parents say he changed a lot. I've known him since I was at school and if you ask anyone who knew us then they'll tell you he was the nicest guy ever.

We had several rounds of fertility treatment before the girls were a huge surprise. He spent a lot of money on private treatment, but from four/five months into the pregnancy he completely changed and decided that he'd changed his mind. He was too young and I'd trapped him apparently.

He went from being the guy who only went on a lads holiday for one of the two weeks just so he was home for my birthday, to a guy who walked out on me and joined the military when our babies were six months old. In just a few years.

He has no relationship with his family. He's never forgiven his parents for going behind his back to have a relationship with the girls. He cut them out completely when they "showed him up" by taking the girls to a family wedding in Italy a couple of years ago - he couldn't go, his wife didn't want to go and she wouldn't let them take their boys so he felt it was unfair on the boys if the girls went.

He's just a baffling prick of a man.

What a daughter you have raised OP!! My heroine!

That's awesome. You can tell her from a random Internet stranger that she's my hero! I'm 35 and I've never had the guts to stand up to my dad that way.

Your DD is amazing. This sounds like it's been a long time coming. Your ex is an idiot for destroying his relationship with her and her sister.

Have only read your posts, OP, but just wanted to chip in with how in awe I am of your daughter! I’m 37 and wish I had half of that self assurance and poise. If she ever decides to write a combo self help/ baking book, I’m in .
And of course well done to you for raising such a star in such difficult circumstances

Your dd is amazing. It was great last night to read about what she had done, but your update about how she handled her dad's behaviour this morning is even better. That really took something to stay so calm and strong. I agree with her about giving him the £20. He doesn't deserve it but it's worth it for her to keep the moral high ground and give him one less justification for moaning about her.

As an aside, it's lovely that you and his parents have bypassed him so that your girls still have a great relationship with their grandparents.