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Original poster

I'm so proud of my teen DD standing up for herself

223 replies

lyralalala · 28/08/2020 21:40

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

OP posts:
Angelina82 · 30/08/2020 11:01

Good for her. Her dad doesn’t deserve her or her cakes and I’m glad that she’s come to realise that. I hope her dad has a shit birthday reflecting on and feeling guilt about how he’s fucked up his relationship with both his daughters now. Twat!

Longwhiskers14 · 30/08/2020 11:01

The update about the nephew coming to collect her and the MIL chipping in for the cakes just emphasises what a brilliant family she has regardless of her deadbeat dad, OP. She's going to be just fine.

Happy to hear your ex is getting his arse handed to him on FB. What has been his response to the criticism though?

billy1966 · 30/08/2020 11:24

I can only imagine the unbridled joy her arriving laden down with goodies would have been met with, by a gang camping!!🤸‍♀️😍....pure love

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justilou1 · 30/08/2020 11:31

I think you have just realised that you have raised a much stronger young woman than you had previously assumed. The quiet strength of the young lady sounds like the kind that sticks. I like her style.

HappydaysArehere · 30/08/2020 11:43

She was great. That gesture spoke a hundred words and didn’t involve a row which no one wins. She won hands down so hope you all enjoyed the cakes.

Spiderseason · 30/08/2020 11:47

What a Vile man.

I wish your dd had added in her time and effort spent making the cakes before handing back the 20.

I can't believe he accused her of stealing and that's how little he values her time.

What an awful awful petty hideous man.

Spiderseason · 30/08/2020 11:49

Angelina, if a man has got to this age and still behaves like this, there is very little chance he will be reflective and see he is in the wrong.

Happynow001 · 30/08/2020 12:21

@lyralalala

I am spending today eating lovely food and watching, thanks to him having shit privacy settings, my ex (and his wife/ex-wife) getting his arse handed to him on a plate on Facebook. Turns out bitching about your child isn't a popular thing to do. Especially when you tell the story and people point out that ditching your DD in such a way is fucking hideous hideous.
Well who'd have thought it! At least he learned (?) something on his birthday! He and his SO are two of a kind and deserve other. Feel sorry for their DC though..

Great your DD is with the others on their camping trip, having a good time. 🍷 (too early?) 🌹

OhCaptain · 30/08/2020 13:54

How are you seeing him get his arse handed to him on Facebook?! Confused

DidoAtTheLido · 30/08/2020 13:58

OhCaptain - Because she can see his Facebook? As she says. And she explains that he bitched about his dd, told what happened...so people told him what they thought. Presumably. Confused

OhCaptain · 30/08/2020 14:06

I was just wondering had someone filmed a showdown 😂

NoSquirrels · 30/08/2020 14:06

She's very calm. She told him she'd left named cupcakes for her brothers in the fridge and that he and ex-step-Mum can cater for the rest of their family and friends themselves. She sent him the £20 on paypal (I strongly disagreed with that, but she wanted to do it so she kept the moral high ground) and told him to have a nice life.

Oh my god - what a wonderful, wonderful girl you have raised. This is so classy and grown-up of her.

It’s actually a lovely thread to read despite your ex’s horrible behaviour to his children. Your MIL ‘treating’ the kids so your DD isn’t out of pocket, your nephew coming to pick her up so she can have fun with the gang... it’s really lovely. Thank you for sharing, you SHOULD be bloody proud. Well done you and your DD.

HarrietM87 · 30/08/2020 14:31

What a fantastic young lady. Well done to her and to you OP! I went NC with my dad when I was 16. My siblings have only just done the same 15 years later after so much grief. She will be so much better off without it that loser.

Original poster
lyralalala · 30/08/2020 14:48

@OhCaptain

How are you seeing him get his arse handed to him on Facebook?! Confused
Because he has no privacy settings whatsoever

I don't normally snoop. I blocked him several years ago, but it's actually been quite nice to see people calling him out for his behaviour.

Including several of his friends who really don't like me commenting that it's just as well the girls have me.

OP posts:
Longwhiskers14 · 30/08/2020 14:50

Including several of his friends who really don't like me commenting that it's just as well the girls have me.

How has he reacted to them saying that?

Original poster
lyralalala · 30/08/2020 15:53

@NoSquirrels

She's very calm. She told him she'd left named cupcakes for her brothers in the fridge and that he and ex-step-Mum can cater for the rest of their family and friends themselves. She sent him the £20 on paypal (I strongly disagreed with that, but she wanted to do it so she kept the moral high ground) and told him to have a nice life.

Oh my god - what a wonderful, wonderful girl you have raised. This is so classy and grown-up of her.

It’s actually a lovely thread to read despite your ex’s horrible behaviour to his children. Your MIL ‘treating’ the kids so your DD isn’t out of pocket, your nephew coming to pick her up so she can have fun with the gang... it’s really lovely. Thank you for sharing, you SHOULD be bloody proud. Well done you and your DD.

It is a reminder that I'm very lucky. My kids are lovely. My MIL is an absolute treasure. She treats the girls as her own grandkids and you genuinely can't tell the difference. The camping bunch made a tweak to their plan today so DD2 could join them (she couldn't have safely done their activity) and it was the kids who suggested it so she could join. It's just lovely.

I'm enjoying the peace and silence with the most amazing cakes

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 30/08/2020 16:22

@lyralalala I’m delighted he’s getting crap!

Any reaction to your comments?!

OldBean2 · 30/08/2020 16:45

As someone who stopped speaking to her father 45 years ago at age 16, I just want to congratulate your daughter on her actions. She is a class act and as my mother would have said, " I bet she did not lick it off a stone."

Hope you don't mind but I have made a donation to the Trussell Trust in her honour as I think what she did was incredibly mature and leaving the cakes for her brothers was really kind.

Original poster
lyralalala · 30/08/2020 17:18

[quote OhCaptain]@lyralalala I’m delighted he’s getting crap!

Any reaction to your comments?![/quote]
I haven't commented. Sorry I read my post back and realised it wasn't very well worded.

It's his friends commenting - even the ones who don't like me are saying it's just as well the girls have me.

OP posts:
Original poster
lyralalala · 30/08/2020 17:20

@OldBean2

As someone who stopped speaking to her father 45 years ago at age 16, I just want to congratulate your daughter on her actions. She is a class act and as my mother would have said, " I bet she did not lick it off a stone."

Hope you don't mind but I have made a donation to the Trussell Trust in her honour as I think what she did was incredibly mature and leaving the cakes for her brothers was really kind.

What a lovely thing to do.

I didn't have anything to do with my father as he was a violent alcoholic. I lived with my Grandparents from age 7. I'm really sad that history is repeating itself in terms of that kind of fall out, but I'm very proud that she has the confidence to walk away like she has.

OP posts:
Squiffany · 30/08/2020 17:43

OP, you should be very proud of the way your DD has handled this. She’s an absolute Star

billy1966 · 30/08/2020 17:43

OP, histoey isn't repeating itself.
Your daughter has a presence of mind to step away from a situation that was disrespectful of her at 17.
What a girl.
When you choose to step away from an unhealthy relationship like that, whilst you may be sad and grieve the relationship you wish you had, ultimately you realise it is for the best and that feeling only grows the older you get.
Your daughter has resilience and boundaries, truly priceless.

His behaviour was appalling, his lact of self awareness shocking, however, his publicising the fact was gratifying....🤣

Original poster
lyralalala · 30/08/2020 17:53

His behaviour was appalling, his lact of self awareness shocking, however, his publicising the fact was gratifying....🤣

I shouldn't be enjoying that as much as I am... but it's soooooo funny

And good for my ego Grin Had to snort laugh at a close friend of his (who bought his "she trapped me" story so hates me) saying "For all that [Lyralala] is a cunt you can't fault her as a mother coz at 17 I'd have trashed your house, caused a scene AND then took my cooking home. Them girls have been brought up good."

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 30/08/2020 18:02

What an indictment when even his twattish friends, who hate you, says things like:

"For all that [Lyralala] is a cunt you can't fault her as a mother coz at 17 I'd have trashed your house, caused a scene AND then took my cooking home. Them girls have been brought up good."

I hope all of you, including his lovely parents, see and hear less and less of him in the future. Unless, of course, he has an epiphany? 🌹

OhCaptain · 30/08/2020 18:25

My mistake @lyralalala I got myself all confused Grin

Your silence is better actually- you have remained dignified whilst he’s shown himself up for the bastard he is!