I'm so proud of my teen DD standing up for herself

[lyralalala]

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

Well done DD!!!

Do they want to maintain a relationship with their brothers via the ex wife, or have they made that impossible?

I'm so sorry the girls' dad is such a prick of the first note, its horrible to be so disillusioned so young. Good on her for having the strength of character to put a stop to his behaviour.

Never ceases to amaze me how bad people who should know better behave.

Good for her! What a useless waste of space her "dad" is.

It's his loss. You should be very proud on raising strong independent young women

I loved your update. She’s amazing. I too would have sent the £20 just to prove a point.

@lyralalala

Update - he has noticed the missing food. As expected he's gone ballistic. Accused her of sabotaging his birthday out of spite and of ruining the day for her younger half-siblings. He also said it was stealing as he gave her £20 to go toward the ingredients (I'm fuming at that - she has spent a lot more than £20).

She's very calm. She told him she'd left named cupcakes for her brothers in the fridge and that he and ex-step-Mum can cater for the rest of their family and friends themselves. She sent him the £20 on paypal (I strongly disagreed with that, but she wanted to do it so she kept the moral high ground) and told him to have a nice life.

In typical teenager style she's now back asleep - after having a cupcake and some banana bread for breakfast.

I'm very, very proud.

Very classy from your DD especially leaving cupcakes for her siblings.

That’s an awful tale op.

Dh knows a man who said he was trapped. He’s not the sort you would want to trap.

Good on your daughter. I’m sorry she’s had to learn such a painful lesson about her father. I hope she can understand it’s nothing she’s done wrong...he’s just an inadequate, selfish man.
Enjoy the goods.

Well done your DD . I was 38 before I stood up to my bullying emotionally abusive father. Glad she’s seen the light early on (I saw the light with my dad , just was too terrified to ever say anything, as was my mum who put up with it).

'Baffling prick of a man' is the best insult ever

And you DD fucking rules!

Your daughter is awesome 😁

Your daughter is ace!!!

She handled it perfectly, very maturely and kept the moral high ground. Seriously impressive for her age!

Holy cow OP😲 For her to even remember to leave her half brothers’ cupcakes behind was a kind thing to do. After all it’s not their fault their parents are knobs.

You must be so proud of her. She is a 🌟🌟🌟

Your daughter is amazing.

She's handled this beautifully and not been manipulated as is her fathers form.

She's seen him for what he is and extracted herself with the greatest effect.

Rock on!!

As an aside, it's lovely that you and his parents have bypassed him so that your girls still have a great relationship with their grandparents.

His parents are absolutely wonderful people. After he disappeared they didn't see the girls for months because of his messing around and his Mum wrote me a lovely letter saying how much she missed the girls, how much she disagreed with his behaviour and asking if we could organise something every couple of weeks meeting at soft play or something (they had been told by him I didn't want them to have the girls unsupervised). Over the years they've been brilliant.

Do they want to maintain a relationship with their brothers via the ex wife, or have they made that impossible?

The ex wife is worse than their Dad so, sadly, that's not going to happen. Their brothers are much younger so they're not likely to have a relationship unless it's when they are older.

The only time their ex step Mum has shown an interest in them having a relationship was when she wanted them to spend time together 7-9 on a Wednesday night. It really didn't work for the girls with travelling home and then school the next day plus their brothers were either over-tired or asleep for most of the time so they tried to organise weekend time. It turned out she had a class that night so basically she wanted babysitters so that went out the window as she went ballistic when it was stopped.

Your daughter is amazing - I read your last update in awe. She handled that with such amazing class and dignity. I love how she still thought about the little boys and made sure they didn't miss out.

Kudos to you, OP. You have given her the incredible gift of self-respect

Your dd is a star, that takes guts. And it bodes well for her handling future relationships of her own...

Oh what a woman DD is 👏🏻 She sounds like she’s got her head screwed on right, I’m impressed at how calmly she dealt with that, especially at 17!

OP I admire your daughter 🌺

@happystory

Your dd is a star, that takes guts. And it bodes well for her handling future relationships of her own...

That's my big feeling over it today. I've always worried about her as she's such a people pleaser and her health issues dent her confidence. I'm very pleased to see that she has a line where she says "No, I'm not accepting this" (although obviously I wish she hadn't had to find it)

She is amazing OP, tell her so from me too!
It took me until 30 to find a backbone like hers.

And she's acting with more dignity and grace than I would now too. I'd have told him to shove his fucking £20 up his arse and screamed at him for a while... She's genuinely fantastic. What a credit to you!

@AriesTheRam

Video yourselves eating the cakes then send it to him 🍰

I am totally here for this level of pettiness.

@lyralalala

Update - he has noticed the missing food. As expected he's gone ballistic. Accused her of sabotaging his birthday out of spite and of ruining the day for her younger half-siblings. He also said it was stealing as he gave her £20 to go toward the ingredients (I'm fuming at that - she has spent a lot more than £20).

She's very calm. She told him she'd left named cupcakes for her brothers in the fridge and that he and ex-step-Mum can cater for the rest of their family and friends themselves. She sent him the £20 on paypal (I strongly disagreed with that, but she wanted to do it so she kept the moral high ground) and told him to have a nice life.

In typical teenager style she's now back asleep - after having a cupcake and some banana bread for breakfast.

I'm very, very proud.

Wow, I really dislike this man 😆

She is an absolute credit to you OP (and only you because she clearly doesn’t take after her father at all).

I was in a similar position at her age. I chose to walk away and got a lot of stick for it, but actually as a fully fledged adult it made me stronger. I’m not a puppet on a stick for someone else’s amusement/entertainment. And despite not always being outwardly confident I don’t let anyone mess me around. It’s worked wonders for me and I really hope it does for your DD. She is a superstar. Enjoy those freshly baked goods you all deserve them.

Let’s hope her father and his bitter ex wife get food poising from their horrid little garden party!

Another random internet person here telling your daughter that she us absolutely fucking awesome. I particularly like the leaving named cakes for the boys. That bit was a stroke of genius.

To OP's DD -

No alcohol for you as you're underage and there's no quiche emoji.

Good for her. Wish we could like posts as I'm sure this would get a few!