I'm so proud of my teen DD standing up for herself

[lyralalala]

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

Well done your DD. What a tossbag her dad is.

Good on your dd!
I had 2 terrible step mums as a child- my dad was no better looking back. He loves the grandkids though, dotes on them. My mum just left me to work it out for myself I think.

My husband is terrible and I hadn't no doubt our kids will be NC as soon as they can.

@Oliversmumsarmy He hasn’t mentioned the goodies yet so I don’t think he’s noticed. He’ll flip when he does. He only mentioned her leaving without saying goodbye which is apparently huffy and childish 🙄

Aww well done her, that can't be easy. As you say, she's not being petty she's standing up for herself and upholding the standard she should be treated as. She's blessed to have a mum who she knows will be her constant. Good to see his parents at least seem to care about her.

Good for her! It's sad when children have the lightbulb moment about a parent, but it's great that your DD has set her boundaries.

Enjoy your feast of cake and quiche tomorrow

Ha well done DD!

Excellent. Your daughter is a star!

Good for her.

Unfortunately this situation basically describes my childhood. Dad ran off when I was 6, and had a second family. They got all the holidays. Step’mum’ was vile to us. We probably saw our Dad one evening a month as we were never worthy of a weekend.

If affects my confidence even age nearly 30, I never feel like I’m good enough for anyone.

It sounds like you’ve made up for it anyway, it’s better that she realises now and accepts the relationship for what it is.

If affects my confidence even age nearly 30, I never feel like I’m good enough for anyone.

@Daisyandroses

😥😥 that's very sad. I hope your mum was able to support you.

You absolutely are good enough, exactly as you are. The loss was your father's.

(I've 3 children, including a DD, who are experiencing a disinterested father. It causes awful pain which I hate to witness. All I can do is be there - I'm in no way a perfect parent myself but I hope they can believe I'll always be there for them)

Thank you@EarringsandLipstick that’s lovely of you to say. Unfortunately I had a step parent situation in my Mums household which was just as bad! She wasn’t the most supportive but I have an amazing DH and DD now who more than makes up for it. At least bad parenting teaches you what not to do! .

That’s a horrible situation to be in but If you’re always there for your 3 then they will notice it and appreciate it which will make up for the lack of father figure.

Omg. I am so proud of her!! Good job! And how tough at 17. You've done an amazing job raising this young woman.

I wish I had been as wise at 17 as she clearly is.

I want to stand up and cheer your daughter. !!!

I'm really proud of her for going home and of you for supporting her.

I hope you all enjoy your cake tomorrow.

All of you pack up the things she made and to go and treat yourselves to a lovely picnic

Good for your dd. Not surprised but it’s sad he hasn’t contacted her to ask why she’s gone. I hope the ex is relying on your dd cooking, so bloody good job she took them.

@AlwaysCheddar

Good for your dd. Not surprised but it’s sad he hasn’t contacted her to ask why she’s gone. I hope the ex is relying on your dd cooking, so bloody good job she took them.

He did message her last night about her leaving. He called her huffy and childish.

He just hasn't messaged about her bringing the cakes and food home with her - which knowing him means he hasn't realised yet because he will hit the roof (this is the man who went ballistic when a £6 Asda school cardigan he'd bought while I was in hospital came home with the girls, even though that was literally the only time they went to school from his house).

Well Done to your DD, she recognises her worth. She's a ⭐
Enjoy the cake, would love to see his face when he realises! 😆

Absolutely brilliant. Well done her, that took a lot of courage. Knowing your own value and making sure you're not undersold is such an important thing. Enjoy the cakes and quiche

You've raised an excellent daughter there, she knows her worth. I hope she's not too upsets when the dust settles and the reality that she's more mature than her father sinks in.

Your daughters sound like an absolute credit to you, and themselves.

Awesome, good for her!

God, I want to slap your ex around the head. What a bastard. I hope your DD isn't feeling too down once the adrenaline has worn off.

As a complete aside, I'm seriously impressed at her making cakes and quiches from scratch: I'm useless at baking. So with that alongside standing up to twatty men, she's already adulting far harder than I'm managing to do at the age of 40.

Good on your DD, what a pitiful excuse for a man. Hope you all have a nice day today x

Bloody well done to your dd. No one should spend time with anyone who makes them feel like shit, even if they're family. It took me til I was in my 30s to come to that realisation.

Well done that girl! 🥇