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Original poster

I'm so proud of my teen DD standing up for herself

223 replies

lyralalala · 28/08/2020 21:40

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

OP posts:
Stilllivinginazoo · 29/08/2020 10:11

Fantastic handling of a bad dad situation
Another random stranger who thinks she's amazing
And for leaving cupcakes for siblings,she gets extra stars

You did a great job raising a fair,strong independent you ladyStar

MsSquiz · 29/08/2020 10:12

You must be so proud of her, she's become the adult in the situation with her childish idiot of a father, even down to refunding his £20!

She sounds like the mature and amazing young woman I hope my DD grows up to be.

Well done her and you! And enjoy those goodies! Grin

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 29/08/2020 10:18

Your daughter is amazing!

So composed and mature, I'd have seriously struggled to take the moral high ground after that temper tantrum.

Be there for her,on e the anger and adrenaline wear off she'll need support and help in sorting out her feeling.

It's the worst realisation... exactly how shit your parent really is.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Footle · 29/08/2020 10:18

An awesome young woman you have there.

2pinkginsplease · 29/08/2020 10:19

THis has put a smile on my face.

Your daughter should be very proud of herself handling this situation perfectly

TakeMeToYourLiar · 29/08/2020 10:20

Wow she's brilliant

Enjoy your cakes 🍰

InglouriousBasterd · 29/08/2020 10:30

Your daughter is absolutely amazing OP! Well done to her!

Highlandcathedral · 29/08/2020 10:34

Well done to your daughter, she is destined for great things with an attitude and sense of planning like that. As a fellow people pleaser, I wish I had her courage even now I’m middle aged!

Pobblebonk · 29/08/2020 10:35

Update - he has noticed the missing food. As expected he's gone ballistic. Accused her of sabotaging his birthday out of spite and of ruining the day for her younger half-siblings. He also said it was stealing as he gave her £20 to go toward the ingredients (I'm fuming at that - she has spent a lot more than £20).

So what he's saying is that he got her over to slave for his ex and her children, he was prepared to give her money to cover ingredients but nothing at all for the all the work she did, he wasn't prepared to include her in his birthday celebrations but didn't want to tell her that before she did all the work for them - and she's the one in the wrong? What a total idiot.

FallonsTeaRoom · 29/08/2020 10:37

👏👏 well done to your daughter.

She's shown great maturity. She will go far.

Soubriquet · 29/08/2020 10:48

Amazing daughter. Fantastic response to both taking the cakes and him.

She has so much maturity.

I bet you in the future though, he will blame you for not having a relationship with the girls.

He will say you “turned them against him”

Men like him never change from “the script”

SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito · 29/08/2020 10:54

I bet you in the future though, he will blame you for not having a relationship with the girls.

He will say you “turned them against him”

Men like him never change from “the script”

Yep. There's no point trying to argue with men like this, though, and it sounds from the OP's prior posts that his whole family have already seen through him anyway.

purplecorkheart · 29/08/2020 10:57

Well done to your daughter. What a classy lady. I agree with her about the £20 paypal and the named cupcakes for her brother shows how mature she is.

NiceTwin · 29/08/2020 11:01

Yesss, good on your dd.

She should be very proud of herself not letting herself be a doormat.
He sounds a piece of work!!

Oliversmumsarmy · 29/08/2020 11:02

I think your dd did the right thing on paying him off. It brings the whole sorry saga of their relationship to an end.
There are no loose ends left.

If ever there is a next time I would tell your dd to start charging her father and step mum for her time.

If they want her to babysit then it is £X per hour + cab fare home.

If they want catering for a party then it is £Y per hour + food costs

Money upfront and no one is under any illusion that it is any more than a monetary/working relationship.

Backtoschoolnotsoonenough · 29/08/2020 11:04

At 12 and 14 my dc went nc with their df. They are so much happier.
I haven't heard a peep out of exh for over 5 years!! Pure bliss!
Dc now 16 and 19. An absolute joy to have..
Enjoy the peace op. No need to even have his number now! Block him and enjoy your dd's! An absolute credit to YOU..

paintedpanda · 29/08/2020 11:12

Oh perfect, well done your DD! I hope you all enjoy the treats, and all the more for knowing how much it's wound him up 🍰
I hope my two will have a similar epiphany when they're old enough to understand.

Smelborp · 29/08/2020 11:20

Your ex sounds like an awful man. Your daughter is a star though, and handled that perfectly.

Ellie56 · 29/08/2020 11:22

At 17 your DD is amazingly mature and level headed. She will go far.

Such a shame she has such a massive knob for a dad. But it's great that his parents stepped up. They must be so ashamed of him.

BuffaloCauliflower · 29/08/2020 11:40

Your daughter is excellent. Just complete class and real maturity. I can’t believe that arsehole expected to leave her out at the last minute but still take all her work and enjoy it without her. As my family’s cake and quiche maker I know what a job she’s done. How dare he?! I hope she really does ignore him from now on.

Happynow001 · 29/08/2020 13:11

@lyralalala

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

Good for her OP!! Your ex really is an uncaring and neglectful twonk (I'm thinking of MUCH ruder words!!) to treat his daughter this way. More fool him, pushing away such a good thing as his children from his life. 🌹

Rae36 · 29/08/2020 15:04

She is bloody awesome. I love her. I don't have a daughter but if I did I would want her to be exactly like yours. Well done op.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 29/08/2020 15:06

Good for your dd Cake!

DragonPie · 29/08/2020 15:19

Wow OP she is amazing!

Tistheseason17 · 29/08/2020 15:40

Your daughter certainly has gained the high moral ground - good for her!