I'm so proud of my teen DD standing up for herself

[lyralalala]

One of my 17yo DD's has just arrived home unexpectedly from her Dads. They've had a very up and down relationship over the years. He ditches the girls everytime he got bored, picked them up when trying to impress a new girlfriend and then dropped them again, repeatedly.

His now ex-wife absolutely loathed the fact he had DD's so he cut them from every event in his life when they had their own children. Incuding one occasion where they weren't allowed to their half-brother's christening as they had "family" staying so had no space (to sum up how they viewed them).

Anyway his marriage ended about 18 months ago. The girls stuck up for themselves when his now-ex gave them a lot of grief (she wanted them to have weekly contact with their siblings, but it turned out she actually wanted weekly babysitting for a course she was doing). He got back in contact with the girls at the start of lockdown. DD1 told him to bolt. DD2 has always been much more of a people pleaser. She doesn't have as much confidence as her sister as she has a few medical conditions and she has been seeing him again recently.

It's her Dad's birthday tomorrow so she was there from Wednesday. She spent all day today making cakes, quiches and bits for a lunch tomorrow with some family and his friends in the garden - knowing her Dad she's likely done a good chunk of cleaning his house to get it ready as well. Her Dad announced at 6pm that his ex wife had decided they really should stick rigidly to the rules (they've both been ignoring them since the start of lockdown - ex wife had around 45 people for a birthday party for her son a fortnight ago) so he's having a "small family gathering" at her house instead and since DD is not technically in his household she can't go. He said they'd have a fun morning together and then she could have a chilled afternoon instead.

She was upset, but said she was just seeing as "typical Dad" and was planning coming home tomorrow and not bothering with him again. However she heard him on the phone describing the cakes she'd baked to his ex and realised he was planning on taking them for the family gathering that she's not invited to....

So, while he was out for a run she boxed them all up and got a taxi home.

I'm so proud of her. She said she was petty, but she was just angry. I've told her it's not petty at all, it's sticking up for herself.

Oh it’s always interesting when the worm turns!

@Oliversmumsarmy

I’m imagining him trying to recreate the cakes and quiches he made with dd so he doesn’t lose face with his ex.

The look on his face when he realised dd had gone off with all the goodies must have been a picture

He didn’t ‘make them with DD’ she did all the work and therefore has done the right thing.

Your dd is a star OP. You should be proud of yourself for raising her

The Ex 100% manoeuvred this, getting his Dd pushed out of his birthday. She has won. But in allowing his Dd to be the Ex’s weapon, the pathetic man has lost his Dd.

Serve him right to treat her as disposable.

His loss.

Oh OP, I feel quite emotional on your behalf. She should feel very proud of herself. Let her know that we are all cheering her on. She handled herself with absolute dignity (and a little bit of cunning). He sounds like an absolute gob shite tbh!

What a lovely daughter you have and what an arsehole of a dad she has. He doesn't deserve them. Good for your daughter. Enjoy the treats!!

This has cheered me up no end. Well done you for raising two resilient daughters.

"A baffling prick of a man" - I'm so nicking that! It describes my ex to a T

Your DD is awesome! She has behaved impeccably throughout, tight down to very kindly & thoughtfully leaving the named cupcakes for her step brothers (no way could anyone mistake who they were for😉) and in sending the £20 to her dad.

Doubtless he'll find a way of re-writing what happened but he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He has behaved like a foot stamping, temper tantrumming toddler who deserved everything he got or didn't get 🍰

You have raised strong, smart, capable, assertive, independent young women, OP.

I'm in awe of your parenting, and of your daughters!

Incredible update OP.

I am in awe of her self-respect, her maturity and her utter dignity.

Could you please tell him that several dozen women on the Internet think he is a sorry excuse for a man and an even more pathetic excuse for a father. Some people should have been sterilised at puberty so as not to saddle children with such a poor role model. Others should have been swallowed.

Great tale OP.

What extraordinary presence of mind your DD had, to pack up and order a taxi.

No flapping or faffing....just packed up and got out of there.

Super self control...extracting herself from the situation.

A very harsh lesson, but that prick could have spent the next 5 years messing her about.

I dearly hope he learns to rue the day that he decided to be such an appalling father.

I hope a long lonely life awaits him.
It's all he deserves.

I feel for his parents though, what an awful disappointment he is.
I think most parents would be devastated to know that your son is such a sorry excuse of a man.

He'll know himself he's made yet another show of himself.

Well done OP for helping her to grow into such a great girl.

Your daughter is amazing! He doesn’t deserve her.

Wow
Amazing young woman.
You’ve raised her well.

she ruined his birthday?

purlease

Well done to her - oh and his parents for seeing through him and ? continuing to see their grandkids? How lovely to have taken them to Italy.

Let's hope that is the last time a man tries to get the better of her!

Is she OK?

It’s a pretty brutal rejection, for a 17 yo, to be dis-invited fro her Dad’s birthday and then be blamed in two messages.

OP, your daughter is AMAZING! She has learnt a tough lesson and I am so sorry that it was her shit of a father who put her through this. I think her giving him the £20.00 is very significant. She has basically said “Fuck you!” in the most dignified of ways.

Enjoy all of her baking and have a lovely bank holiday weekend.

Got for her. She is breaking the pattern of what a partner is for herself.

‘She told him she'd left named cupcakes for her brothers in the fridge’ brought a wee tear to my cynical eye.

I am spending today eating lovely food and watching, thanks to him having shit privacy settings, my ex (and his wife/ex-wife) getting his arse handed to him on a plate on Facebook. Turns out bitching about your child isn't a popular thing to do. Especially when you tell the story and people point out that ditching your DD in such a way is fucking hideous hideous.

@DidoAtTheLido She's actually fine. She said that she was expecting him to let her down at some point, but she went anyway so that she can always say she gave him a chance once he'd split from her step-Mum (he fed a sob story about how she'd isolated him from the girls subtly and he hadn't realised - utter bollocks of course). She said she's just glad he did it before the food was eaten.

My DH and BIL have all the kids away for the weekend. They were meant to be camping, but are in a bunkhouse place (it seems to me to be a barn - they're still camping, but there's a roof) so my lovely nephew came down lateish last night and picked her up so she can enjoy the last couple of days with them. She was the hero of all the other kids for turning up laden with cakes and goodies.

She left MIL and I a nice bundle of goodies in the fridge as well. My amazing MIL also insisted on "chipping in" to the cost of the cakes. She wouldn't accept it from me, but MIL was able to play the "oh I'd LOVE to treat the grandkids so you provided the effort so let me chip into the costs" card which is good as it means she's not so out of pocket for her efforts.

@Deathraystare Their grandparents are lovely people. Absolutely mortified by their son's actions over the years. They've taken the girls on holiday most years and, even nicer, they've taken them to pretty much every wedding and family event on their side. It's lovely that the girls have a good relationship with their family despite their Dad being a knob.

@SerenityNowwwww

Got for her. She is breaking the pattern of what a partner is for herself.

‘She told him she'd left named cupcakes for her brothers in the fridge’ brought a wee tear to my cynical eye.

I have to admit I had a cry over that bit once she was in bed. She iced their names on little chocolate squares. I just hope the knob and his ex-wife gave them to the boys because from DD's photos as she was making them they were gorgeous.

She’s a legend, she will go far in life with that ability to recognise she’s been treated badly and to not accept it (I still haven’t learned that at 33!)

Her dad is pathetic, even now they’ve split he still can’t include his daughter? FFS

I read this yesterday but didn't comment OP as I felt I had nothing to add but yet another "well done to your fantastic DD"! But reading your latest update made me smile. For once the brutality of social media has served a purpose. This excuse for a man & a father being vilified on FB for his appalling actions is some kind of karma.

I hope your DD is doing ok. Please tell her there's another mum out there air punching her actions. I hope I bring my 7 year old DD up to have her same strength & emotional intelligence. (Well done to the paternal grandparents too, they can't have had it easy.)

She said she's just glad he did it before the food was eaten

So glad she has so much loving family support aside from her Dad.