Wankiest excuse for being dumped?

[firecracker69]

As much as heartbreak hurts we can usually look back and laugh about it. It stings like fuck at the time but often makes for good story telling after a few drinks.

What are some of the most hurtful, ridiculous, unreasonable or completely dickish reasons you've been given for being dumped, or that you've dumped someone for?

This was an easy one for me. I'd recently got back with my ex after a 4 month break. He asked to see me one night, to talk about how he felt about us. My best mate got very excited and thought he was going to propose. That night he announced:

"I've given it 5 weeks and don't feel any different. I should get excited about you but I don't!" Blunt, to say the least...... 🙄

“I thought I ought to get you some flowers as it’s Valentines Day, but decided I’d better break up with you instead.”

Apparently he couldn't continue our very casual affair as he was leaving to go and sell jeans on the beach in Saudi Arabia. He didnt even have the courage to tell be in person but send his mate instead after we were supposed to meet for lunch.

‘I dunno I seem to have interval switches and the one for you has switched off!’ He told her two days before he was ‘head over heels in love with me’ broke my heart.

'my best friend says your partner should inspire you. I don't know what inspiration means but you don't inspire me'.

If you won’t have sex with me (after one date!) then we’d best not see each other again.

@Lovingmylife Jesus wept. Terrible. 😳😂

I'm depressed so I don't have any emotions at the moment and that includes for you

"Being with someone who earns more than me is emasculating and I can't do it anymore."

He was a lazy, unmotivated out of work faux tortured soul musician who had been perfectly happy for me to pay for everything including entire rent for the duration of our two year relationship.

The above was his response to me breaking up with him when I discovered he cheated. Which makes it all the more ridiculous

"You have a pretty face but I don't like your body".

‘You were a kind of place holder for (his exes name). He literally said the words place holder

Maybe there should be a database, just ti warn all other women? These are awful!

"I fell for you so hard, I completely ignored my dream list of attributes. You don't have any of them". This was after a year.

"I've decided the only relationship I'll need going forward, is my relationship with God."

'Atheist' went on to my check list thereafter.

After 6 months with me and a year after splitting with an ex she found out he had a new girlfriend. '....(Insert ex gf name)...has decided shes ready to get back together. And she wants me to have an STI check'.

Funnily enough the STI check was clear and they didn't even get back together. She went off with someone else!

Dumped me while I was naked.

‘You’re too good for me’ Nah if you really thought that you’d be happy you’re with someone like me, not throw me away

I've had the "You're too good for me" nonsense too. Along with "I don't want to hurt you." Turned out that meant he was already shagging someone else and didn't want me to find out. I was 17 at the time I felt like my world had ended. In hindsight I dodged a massive bullet.

"I appreciate you getting milk for my Mum but you shouldn't have put it in the fridge, that overstepped boundaries." (We were students and spent practically every night at his Mums!)

Too cute

When your not given a reason just blanked.

It's not you it's me 😂

"I need to find myself" seven months after getting married together for 8 years, dickhead lol!

@HowDeeDooDee - selling jeans on a beach in Saudi? That sounds like a chandler going to Yemen kind of excuse

I had one who "didn't like me as much as I liked him" it had only been a few dates don't flatter yourself

"Don't have enough time for a relationship"

Then a couple of days later he's spotted holding hands and kissing one of his "friends" who he assured me I didn't have to worry about

I've been dumped for refusing to stop saying 'long words' by a thicko I should have known better than to touch with a barge, nevermind the pole.

I was also dumped for wearing a shell suit (in my defence, they were sooo comfy and the dick popped round unexpectedly on washing day!!).

I did once dump someone for looking like a Gallagher, though.

Not as bad as my mate - she dumped someone for tucking a rugby shirt in!