Wankiest excuse for being dumped?

[firecracker69]

As much as heartbreak hurts we can usually look back and laugh about it. It stings like fuck at the time but often makes for good story telling after a few drinks.

What are some of the most hurtful, ridiculous, unreasonable or completely dickish reasons you've been given for being dumped, or that you've dumped someone for?

This was an easy one for me. I'd recently got back with my ex after a 4 month break. He asked to see me one night, to talk about how he felt about us. My best mate got very excited and thought he was going to propose. That night he announced:

"I've given it 5 weeks and don't feel any different. I should get excited about you but I don't!" Blunt, to say the least...... 🙄

"I think less of you and therefore I don't think I can love you anymore, because you would prefer to work through this problem than just end our relationship"

He had kissed someone else. I assume he was expecting me to dump him so he could play the victim. I wanted to see if we could work it out like adults so his original plan backfired.

@RealityExistsInTheHumanMind

"Shortly after he sent me a text to say he agreed that it was the best thing because the sex wasn't very good anyway (it wasn't). I left it 24 hours and replied - 'You're right - your penis IS very small and blocked him."

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Serves him right!

"I just want to enjoy myself a bit more, I want to sleep around a bit and live my life to the full before I fully settle with someone.. Don't wait for me!!!!!! but we can still be friends and go for coffees and catch ups occasionally"
This was a year into the relationship and I moved on quite quickly, he obviously didn't though and tried to contact me a few times but only because he found out I didn't wait for him and found someone better

"I've changed my mind and this isn't what I want anymore". I was 8 and a half months' pregnant with his second child. Our first was 20 months old.

He went on to get remarried, had two more children and rarely sees my beautiful children any more.

Great guy!!!

There's some unforgivable reasons for being rejected that tug at my heart strings. But there are many that come from spineless, weak men, who don't have an intimate relationship with the truth. The common thread seems to be lying because the dick is being dipped elsewhere.
It does make me feel better, knowing I'm not alone by being rejected in the most awful way. But this supposed "lack of feeling", which many of you have been party to, didn't stop him coming back time and time again and literally begging me to forgive him.

I recall dumping someone once, who was the most arrogant arsehole I'd ever had the misfortune of clapping my eyes upon. I'd been single for around 7 years and was being particularly cautious. When I picked up on some of the initial red flags, my mates stupidly told me that I'd been on my own too long.... hmmmm. Not quite. He was not very bright and seemed to have small man syndrome. He had an aggressive streak too and there was something underlying that seemed quite sinister. He used a question mark, or 3 question marks at the end of every single sentence. It really pissed me off. After weeks of him attempting to control me and treating me like a servant (none of which he managed) I'd had enough. I tried to speak to him about his arrogance, etc and that I wasn't going to be be controlled. His reply was "well if you want me to do stuff for you you're going to be waiting a long time??" Note the question marks! Until that moment, I'd dumbed down my vocabulary, only using words I knew he understand. I told him it was over because of what an arsehole he was but used every elongated word I could think of to describe his vile behaviour. Petty I know but he was a right "little" tosser, in every possible way.

‘My mum said with my rugged good looks I can get someone much better than you when I go to college’

I was 16. I wanted to laugh but I was so cross he had just made me spend the whole day with him rather than dump me in the morning and I’d been bored all day 🤣

I just didn't understand his profound artistic nature and sheer brilliance as a poet and musician. Also, Jesus has told him to choose between me and righteousness. He chose righteousness. Thank you, heavenly father. Even though I dont believe in you, I feel you were looking out for me that day

What is it with God-botherers and bad dumping? I was told by one who had returned to the fold that Jesus wants a bride who is madly in love with him (I.e. definitely not me!) and he had met a better contender, a woman he described as “sensible” - turned out she worked as a “glamour” model. Not one to judge her occupation, but can’t quite marry his delusion and her occupation together.

I once was sort of seeing a chap, he wasn't sure what he wanted as he'd been hurt by his ex, so I was happy to take things steady, see how things went.
We went for a drink one night, came home about 10 and I said as a joke, "at least you'll be home for Match of the Day". He said ooh yes thanks, got out the car and went inside! No invite in, nothing.

I met my dh shortly after, the other chap rang me a few times but I didn't bother to answer.

@UntanglingtheWeb

‘My mum said with my rugged good looks I can get someone much better than you when I go to college’

I was 16. I wanted to laugh but I was so cross he had just made me spend the whole day with him rather than dump me in the morning and I’d been bored all day 🤣

I hope you told him that he, and his mum, had just done you a huge favour as you'd been wondering how to tell him... 🌹

Someone dumped me because I'm Scottish. He decided that if we were to get more serious, we might get married (no fucking chance!) and I would want to go back to live in Scotland but he didn't want to so it was better to 'part ways amicably'. We didn't - I told him I wouldn't have married him if he had been the very last person on the planet and to go fuck himself.

@justilou1 oh I think that beats my God-botherer! The thing that makes me laugh is how very unchristian and unkind this sort of dumping is. Do they not see the disjuncture?!

I will also never date an evangelical of a y stripe ever again. Vuh Lord, as he used to refer to him, is welcome to them all

"I don't understand what love is and have never been in love..." Before cheating, moving into someone else and telling her he loved her within 4 weeks. 😂😂😂

Not really a 'dumped' story as I had already told him to go (not as politely. He had been shagging his PA behind my back for 10months). His story was 'I couldn't end it with you as I really really care about you.' Cue door slam in pathetic weasly face

@Happynow001 I once dumped a boyfriend from my early 20s and his mother told him that the reason I dumped him was because he made me feel like a ''bit of an also-ran''. He arranged to meet me to give me back some stuff I asked him to just throw out but he insisted we meet and then told me the real reason I'd dumped him [oh God, The Delusion]

@WhatamessIgotinto

Someone dumped me because I'm Scottish. He decided that if we were to get more serious, we might get married (no fucking chance!) and I would want to go back to live in Scotland but he didn't want to so it was better to 'part ways amicably'. We didn't - I told him I wouldn't have married him if he had been the very last person on the planet and to go fuck himself.

ha what a stretch! I went on a date with a divorced man a while ago, and on our first date he said ''I'm not getting married again''. I replied ''not to me you're certainly not'' and he was taken aback! (I ended it). He said is it cos I won't marry you? Men! You cannot tell them you don't want them.

@Whathewhatnow - my ex wasn’t “goddy” when we met. He became suddenly interested towards the end of the relationship. Turned out it was symptomatic of the schizophrenia he had been diagnosed with that he’d also neglected to mention. Rather lucky escape for me. Not so much for glamour model.

Oh god, that's awful, @justilou1 . Not the god bit. But the concealing schizophrenia bit. I hope both you and the glamour model are OK....

My religious man (it turned out) had a diagnosed cluster B Personality Disorder which he had neglected to inform me about... But the religion in his case, came first. His whole family are evangelists - quite literally, not just evangelical, but have made careers out of proselytising.

@Whathewhatnow - tbh I suspect the whole family were Cluster B, so that is more likely. The schizophrenia I heard about when I ran into his mum much later. I can’t imagine she approved of the model. Meanwhile none of them were my problem and I am much happier and healthier as a result 🥰

You make me depressed. I prefer you best mate.

After 15 years together

Well, @sideorderofchips - I really hope your best mate had the sense to tell your depressed partner of 15 years to get fracked

He probably thought she'd been hanging around for years just waiting for him to make a move-...

@OldBristolian SIX stone? Is that a typo?

There are some absolute peaches out there aren't there?!

I will admit to dumping someone once because he had a strange-shaped head. It wasnt the only reason, at all, but waking up to it one morning was the thing that made me finally pack my bag and go. It's like it had become the embodiment of everything that was wrong

Some of these

I was dumped once because 'I didn't come from an aristocratic family' like he did. I wasn't "old money" enough for him/his family despite having a perfectly respectable upbringing (private school etc).

Anyway he's married to an ugly horse-faced woman now and lost all his hair.