Wankiest excuse for being dumped?

[firecracker69]

As much as heartbreak hurts we can usually look back and laugh about it. It stings like fuck at the time but often makes for good story telling after a few drinks.

What are some of the most hurtful, ridiculous, unreasonable or completely dickish reasons you've been given for being dumped, or that you've dumped someone for?

This was an easy one for me. I'd recently got back with my ex after a 4 month break. He asked to see me one night, to talk about how he felt about us. My best mate got very excited and thought he was going to propose. That night he announced:

"I've given it 5 weeks and don't feel any different. I should get excited about you but I don't!" Blunt, to say the least...... 🙄

One by me - I dumped a lad at 6 th form. He begged and begged for a reason. I was reluctant to give it. Eventually I told him ‘You take tea in your sugar and I don’t and I don’t want to have to put sugar in a second cup of tea, every time I make us a cuppa’ - he was 😱.

Me dumped once for ‘look at the state of you, you have put on so much weight, you fat slob’ I ran 4 times a week and was 6 stone. He was 10 years old and overweight. I was like ‘ok then’.

Argh not ten years old - but 10 years older

Because i told him I liked harvester. We were having a chat and he said an ex had liked harvester and it really put him off. I said, well i don't love harvester but for the value for money i enjoy it.

After 6 weeks of dating he ended the date there and then ghosted me.....

Oh god, I used to be an actor so I have a few of these...

'I know this looks like I'm dumping you but to be honest in my head we never started going out so I think I'm fine' (We had been going out for 3 months.)

'When I called you today to say I was staying in for the rest of the summer the disappointment in your voice was too much to bear. I just feel I need to concentrate on the work and not someone else's happiness.' All I'd said was 'does that mean I won't see you till September, that's shit' and then the pips ran out.

'My friends can't work out why I'm going out with someone who isn't good looking. I mean, I think you're pretty enough, but ya know...'

I want to get a 1st in my degree and although you are the love of my life and I absolutely adore you I am worried you might be a distraction so we cant be together.
He got a 2.2

I got pregnant after 18months of dating and he didn't want the baby 'because what would his parents think of having a baby without being married' and 'he would be embarassed to tell his friends' But he didn't want us to get married - or even live together. I decided I didn't want a baby with him so had a termination. I was ok with that and we stayed together for 3 months afterwards then he finished with me cos he couldn't cope with the guilt of wanting the termination and being with me constantly reminded him.

I enjoyed the guy who travelled round the world to see me, declared his undying love for me, begged me to move in with him and then told me it all moved too fast and he’d made a mistake. All within a month.

I also appreciated the charmer who, after 7 years, ran away to his mother and when I called him up told me he’d been deliberately being a twat to me so I’d break up with him.

But my favourite isn’t really my story but a friend’s boyfriend dumped her because “he thought he was asexual”. No prizes for guessing how long it took him to appear with a new girlfriend...

"My Mum says you're demanding too much of me". I'd suggested that his mental health might be better if he stopped sleeping on a friend's living room floor whilst paying his friend's ENTIRE rent bill for the flat said friend and his entire family lived in. Apparently that was controlling and telling him what to do having listened to him whinge for six months about being depressed cause he had no money and couldn't sleep due to the family watching telly constantly.

(He also owed me a grand at that point. Lesson learnt!)

“Let’s be honest, the sex isn’t all that” yes, he is an ex.

diggadoo oh my word, what a prize. Can these people actually hear themselves?!

@Motormouthvan

If you won’t have sex with me (after one date!) then we’d best not see each other again.

Poor you. I bet you were devastated!

@Si1ver

Dumped me while I was naked.

Bastard. I hope he ended up up with long term ED!

I’d been with my ex for years and we’d had problems for a while (it was actually a really toxic relationship from the beginning but I was young and stupid and didn’t realise things weren’t supposed to be so awful), we had a long talk and agreed to try and make things work. The next morning we were going out for breakfast and just as the front door closed, he turned and said that his friends were asking whether we were going to remain friends. It didn’t click at first, then I realised that after 6 years together, that was how he chose to break up with me. Then he packed up all my belongings and had them shipped to my Mum’s house. She was the one to call and tell me he was kicking me out when everything I owned turned up on her doorstep.

I stupidly took him back months later. We had plans to go to dinner on Valentine’s Day and a couple of hours before we were due to meet, he called to cancel, said he had to work. I ended up bumping into him accidentally when I went to buy myself dinner and he was on his way to play pool with a friend. The next day he text me while I was at work, dumping me for not being thrilled to discover him standing me up on Valentine’s Day after 7 years together. Apparently I should have fallen on my knees to thank him profusely for treating me like crap instead of making polite conversation while trying not to cry.

A few months later he got back in touch asking for another chance. Fortunately I’d finally learned my lesson and took great delight in telling him exactly why I never wanted to see him again.

@ShrimpSymphony

‘You were a kind of place holder for (his exes name). He literally said the words place holder

Oh. My. God

Speechless he said it. Out loud.

A guy at university who I'd been dating for around four months dumped me because "I'm not looking for love and you, Canny, you're the kind of girl that people fall in love with. I just want sex and company and it's not fair on you to let it continue". Sounds fairly mature, doesn't it? Well his next comment was "if we were talking personality then you'd be my ideal woman, you'd never bore me. If we could put your personality into 's body then the two of you together would be my ideal woman. It's not that you're not beautiful, you are beautiful but you're like marriage and kids beautiful whereas she's more of a fuckable beautiful".

Arsehole.

I met DH a year later and he assures me I was a hot young fox and he has the photos to prove it

"It would be cruel to tell you all the reasons why"
(gesturing with his hands) "I'm up here and you're just... down there"
"you should have come and apologised to me hours ago"
"I'm looking at other girls"

and more –all from the same bloke! after 4 years together. still didn't stop him trying to get back together and messaging consistently when he realised I'd finally stopped chasing him.

You’re not intellectual enough for me. He was a jobless poet living with his parents and had terrible BO. I was only 17 and devastated. Last I heard he was working in WH Smith. I went on to University and studied literature. Arsehole.

@BettyCrockaShit

I was dumped because of my job. I was working as a copywriter, he was jobless (by choice - still lived at home at nearly 30) and his friends were all body piercers/tattooists/alt 'models'. He was quite upfront about my work not being 'cool' enough for his mates, so he told them I worked for festivals (which I did, once, years before I met him).

That's hilarious 🤣🤣 Embarrassed you had a real job!!

@TellySavalashairbrush

You’re not intellectual enough for me. He was a jobless poet living with his parents and had terrible BO. I was only 17 and devastated. Last I heard he was working in WH Smith. I went on to University and studied literature. Arsehole.

I've heard that success is the best revenge.. 🌹

Not to me, to my bff:

"I just don't think I can love again"

After seeing her for over a year, the entire time not really being over his ex. He still wanted to be FWB though

Got dumped when I was 15ish because he was ‘questioning his sexuality’. He’s still dating women. I’m still pretty sure he’s gay.

I can't remember what he said it was so long ago now (I was 17 at the time). I think it was something along the lines of we need some time apart, I love you but I'm not in love with you but I do know he was shagging my 'friend' not long after we broke up. Dick.

@FanSpamTastic I was married to a police officer, or the "dead clown" as he is now referred to as. I like to name my exes.

My ex joined the police force midway through our marriage and it is indeed true that his family and mine had to be checked out. But there was no interview, no face to face contact, in fact, no contact of any kind. As I recall, it was merely a CBR check. Unless it's changed.

I finished with a guy who was a nightmare, totally self obsessed; thought I was fat but he was fine; I have never been very slim but was within the healthy range and he was at least 4 stone overweight; wrote me poetry that said how lucky I was to have him; etc etc I did it face to face (it's not working for me anymore) and left. Shortly after he sent me a text to say he agreed that it was the best thing because the sex wasn't very good anyway (it wasn't). I left it 24 hours and replied - 'You're right - your penis IS very small and blocked him. Not the kindest thing to do but I was so fed up of the put downs.