Wankiest excuse for being dumped?

[firecracker69]

As much as heartbreak hurts we can usually look back and laugh about it. It stings like fuck at the time but often makes for good story telling after a few drinks.

What are some of the most hurtful, ridiculous, unreasonable or completely dickish reasons you've been given for being dumped, or that you've dumped someone for?

This was an easy one for me. I'd recently got back with my ex after a 4 month break. He asked to see me one night, to talk about how he felt about us. My best mate got very excited and thought he was going to propose. That night he announced:

"I've given it 5 weeks and don't feel any different. I should get excited about you but I don't!" Blunt, to say the least...... 🙄

I had 2 of them say.. I'm going away for a few days to find myself

One guy, we had a few dates over a two week period and then basically ghosted each other. I was 18 and still living at home. Four months later my mum called me to the phone (land lines only in those days). It was him. “Sorry, I just don’t think I want to see you again.”

It was literally a “sorry, who are you?” moment.

I also got dumped for bleeding all over a guy during sex, turned out I had a cervical ectropian. It did look like a massacre to be fair, but I felt dumping was a bit harsh!

I did dump someone for burping, though.

I should have known better than to touch with a barge, nevermind the pole
That made me laugh more than it should have and I'm storing it away for future use.

I don't think I've been given a shit reason. I was ghosted by one and he sheepishly mumbled at me about it not working out when I confronted him to his face about it (he and his mates used to play football all the time on the field next to my work, so I saw him as I was arriving at work one day). We were 16. He was gorgeous and before he ghosted me, we were really good together. I FB stalked a little while ago. He peaked at 16.

Another one, next boyfriend after that one went to a party without me, met someone he'd gone to school with, decided he preferred her. Tried ghosting me. I wasn't having it (by all means, break up with me, but you will have the decency to at least do it) and went to his house. He saw me coming and drove away (coward) so I rang him from the phone box at the top of his street. He told me that it was over and that if had met someone else, I wouldn't like it if he kept ringing me. Felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world. But I was 16, he was 18 and looking back it was not a healthy relationship anyway. Far too co-dependent and so much drama. We were only together for 4 months and in that time split up about 12 times, got back together, hit engaged, repeat... And tbf, he's still with that girl 21 years later and they have two children. I met my DH a year later, so it all worked out. He was still a cowardly twat though.

Reading some of these, I'm very grateful that DH and I have been together since we were 18. Dating sounds like a minefield.

I didn't even get an excuse. My now ex husband of 15 years, got his sister to text me.

Think that said it all, really.

We lived too far apart and missed me so much during the week ...too much to bare !!

I was dumped once because the guy (a charismatic Christian) said something along the lines of he’d been possessed and his Christian counsellor advised it.

He went back to his first girlfriend eventually. I was only 16 so I didn’t give a shit. He’s since friended me on FB and is married to his childhood sweetheart, which is good. He is astoundingly ugly and posts about really fucking boring things, but he was a good snog so I’m grateful to him for teaching me well.

One of mine said he broke up with me because I looked too much like his dead mother...

I didn't 'make him feel special enough'!

He used to get foot massages and daily morning BJs from his ex. I didn't even make him a decent breakfast. He liked a proper cooked breakfast with all the words. I gave him toast and coffee. Tosser.

‘I’m sorry but the blood you got on my bedsheets last night (period) made me feel really ill and I’m not in the mood for now’- yes, because part of having sex with women in their twenties Isn’t the natural chance that they can come on their period....

The same guy did try to worm his way back months later!

I was dumped whilst I was ill in hospital.

At the time, I was distraught!

Some years later, he popped up on Facebook. By this time, I was married and had a child.

He apologised, to be fair, but it was still a shitty thing to do.

@KinkyFink

One of mine said he broke up with me because I looked too much like his dead mother...

There’s an episode of Frasier where he discovers the same thing!

“I like you too much”

He was a twat anyway.

Another one...

Went out with an ex public school boy who was very snotty about the fact I went to a state school.

He dumped me because he said his "Christian faith" made him feel guilty about sex. Didn't stop him boning me for three months

Looking back, he was an arrogant twat and crap in bed.

"I've met someone."
I thought, foolishly, that he'd met me and wanted me. Obviously not, eh.

Oh there's some shitty men out there! Some of these excuses are just unnecessary. I believe in being honest but brutal?? And downright cruel is some cases.

I've heard all the classics....

"It's not you, it's me" (spot on, he was the most fucked up man I've ever had the misfortune of meeting)

"You deserve better" (he was correct about that, he was vile)

"I can't give you what you want" ( I didn't ask for anything)

"I can't force what's not there" (why beg me to have you back then?)

"At this moment in time, I don't want to work on a relationship"
my response was: "you don't, I do all the work"

"You care more than me" (so why oh why won't you leave me alone?)

"I'm depressed and there's no cure" = I'm cheating!

"Drink makes me do stupid things" (upon questioning him as to why he pursued me relentlessly) "maybe it's because I'm a people pleaser" (as a further excuse when I shot him down)

Unfortunately, these were from the same weak, spineless, cheating, abusive specimen, who feigned depression when he wanted to sow his seed. Sadly, Pinocchio has a better relationship with the truth than this emotional parasite. 🤥🦟

I always dumped them, I just used to say I don’t want go out with you anymore, this was before mobile phones.

My mate did get dumped by her BF with the whole it’s not you it’s me. She saw him at a party two weeks later with his new GF and rang me at 3am crying and distraught. A couple of months later and she sleeps with him again. He dumps her again. The following year she invites him to a party she is having, she has sex with him again and again she gets upset he isn’t interested. My friend is a psychologist. We actually drifted apart after a 20 year friendship but looking back that’s fine.

I’ve got high aspirations for myself and you’re just a teacher.

He was a recruitment consultant.... still is I think!

I was dumped because of my job. I was working as a copywriter, he was jobless (by choice - still lived at home at nearly 30) and his friends were all body piercers/tattooists/alt 'models'. He was quite upfront about my work not being 'cool' enough for his mates, so he told them I worked for festivals (which I did, once, years before I met him).

I got dumped because he was joining the police force. He said any "significant others" had to be interviewed by the police as part of the process - and he didn't want to put me through that???? Still no idea if this was true!

A verrryyy long time ago but some of the other posts reminded me.

'I don't think we should see each other again because you're not 16 yet'

I still don't know whether I should have been indignant with the fact that he clearly only wanted sex or impressed at his adherence to law.

My ex was in the military police and pretended he was being stationed in Cyprus as an excuse for finishing with me when in fact he'd met someone else. I knew it was bollocks and would have preferred it if he was just honest. He then wrote me a letter a few months later 'fessing' up. Wanker!

I’m not sure if this is quite what you’re looking for - but when I was 18ish I was asked out by this dude I’d been casually flirting with for ages. He stood me up and so after I finished my drink I got up to leave. Ended up getting chatted up by someone and shared numbers (and a drunken snog) by the end of the night.

This was when mobiles were really expensive and you were charged 40p a minute for accepting a call let alone making one, so I didn’t expect to hear from him but he did call and invited me to his flat for dinner. Call me naive but I was kind of hoping for something more than a quick grope and straight to the bedroom - anyway, I didn’t sleep with him and when I next called him he pretended I had the wrong number .

No great loss and I wasn’t bothered (I was bothered about the dude that stood me up and I still regret not making another date) but it was hilarious he was so cowardly!

Akindelle that really made me laugh. Chris Pratt you say ...... yum!

I was once dumped because I refused to have sex...without a condom.

My response didn't go down well, I laughed and showed him the door.

We'd only been seeing each other a short while, I wasn't risking STIs or having an unplanned baby to stroke his ego for want of a better term!

Said 20 years after ghosting me "I ran away because it terrified me how perfect you were for me and I couldn't handle it. Biggest mistake of my life". I should say so, although I dodged a bullet