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Original poster

My life is completely fucked

218 replies

Blanketyblanket · 12/08/2020 22:30

And I’m at the stage now that I’m just giggling at the entire ridiculousness of it all. So far this year

  • my marriage has broken down, I have become a single mum and stbxh is showing no interest in the kids that he asked me to destroy my career to raise
  • I have found out stbxh has spent a 5 figure sum on prostitutes during the last 3 years but has also been earning 5 times what he told me he was
  • stbxh has installed either spyware on my phone or spy cams in the house as he is aware that I slept with someone a couple of nights ago
  • the man I slept with a couple of nights ago (who has been lovely to me for months despite me making it very clear I wasn’t after a relationship) blocked me about an hour after sleeping with me
  • my children have gone completely feral during the last 5 months of school
  • I have found out today that I have more abnormal cells on my cervix despite having half of it burnt off a few weeks ago
  • it’s dc1’s birthday on Friday and I’ve got him hardly anything and don’t have time to get him anything without him also being there
  • my best friend has post party’s psychosis and has been sectioned as she was threatening to mill herself. She is convinced her family want her dead as they were the ones who requested the assessment that resulted in her being sectioned so I am the only person she wants to communicate with
  • my dm kindly took the kids for an hour this morning so I could have a swim and clear my head and I got bitten by a cunting seal

I don’t know what to do. I’m drinking gin at my kitchen table right now and alternating between giggling at the complete wreckage of my life and sobbing.

OP posts:
Lordamighty · 14/08/2020 10:47

he thinks he put his phone on the roof of his car and drove off after coming round to mine the other week

That’s because the sex was so amazing he was all flustered. Go you.Grin

TeeBee · 14/08/2020 11:13

That does sound plausible with the sex guy. One grey tick just means it hasn't been read. Agree with poster above to check with mutual friend. Then you know what's what.
If your STBXH did indeed spy on you, he will have no idea what has happened between you and the new guy so make sure you plaster a self-satisfied smirk on you face today. It will piss well and truly on his chips.

timeforawine · 14/08/2020 11:20

Both men, waste of fucking space, i know it's hard but try to see your better off without them.
Get the bite looked at asap.
Hopefully the kids will settle back down once school resumes and life starts to calm down, can your mum take them a bit more to give you a breather?
Do you have proof of the ex's income for child maintenance?
Can you Amazon presents for your son? Or ask your mum to go shopping for you?
I hope your friend recovers, that must be very scary, all you can do is be there for her when she needs to talk

BurtsBeesKnees · 14/08/2020 11:31

One tick can mean he's blocked you, but it also means it's not delivered ie his phone is off, which does tally up with him a smashing his phone or it running out if charge.

Vodkacranberryplease · 14/08/2020 12:47

I've done the phone on roof of car thing! Or he could have got a new phone after your ex contacted him. But either way .., he did not sleep with you, go 'oh she was a crap shag' and that was that! You probably need to find out his full name, Facebook stalk him etc to check he's single but also check it is him. Ask him a question about something you talked about (assuming you did talk Grin).

Anyway you won't get hit by lightening because your luck is officially now turning. Those are the rules of the universe. DS thrilled with pressies will not care about rain (but the park might be less busy). Boring but great in bed did not block you but was instead distracted (exhausted 😉) and you are a size 10!

I call that a win for Friday! The week was rescued after sll! The hands of fate have delivered the goods!

And you live in Devon where you can swim in the sea. God that is just SO lucky.

Oh and you are going to fuck the ex for much more money now you know he has it! So you will be a wealthy size 10 single mum with only one very nice child (didn't get daddy's genes. Another win) living in possibly the best part of the UK with only a very slight bite mark instead of a missing arm!

No, I'm sorry the gods of fate are on your side now. No stopping you!

Teensandfuture · 14/08/2020 13:07

Your luck IS definitely turning OP 😁

Twickerhun · 14/08/2020 14:56

Op I hope you have a lovely afternoon - well deserved with all this going on

MitziK · 14/08/2020 17:04

You know, there are tales of male Selkies. Apparently fit as fuck and very much into making unhappily married women much happier - maybe you had pulled but didn't realise it at the time?

Of course, with that, there's also a risk of having seal children with webbed hands and feet, according to legend, but hey, that would make birthday presents a bit easier, as all you need to do is buy a bucket of Mackerel and chuck them at the kids whilst they're in the bath...

theemmadilemma · 14/08/2020 18:10

Yes it can just be that the phone is off. It just means not delivered to phone.

I nearly drove off with coffee on the car yesterday...

Original poster
Blanketyblanket · 14/08/2020 21:37

Afternoon went ok. None of the kids drowned and stbxh just sat around sulking to the point that a couple of the other mums commented on it. Ds1 had a fab birthday and wasn’t at all bothered by the fact I said he has to keep his new tablet for when he’s at his dad’s.

mitziK I think I would actually be quite up for being seduced by some kind of sexy seal man. My marriage was sexless for years and the man who apparently didn’t block me after all reminded me that sex can actually be amazing.

I’ve checked with mutual friend and he did contact her to ask for his number. I’m pretty sure it is him rather than stbxh but I haven’t messaged him back yet. I know his surname but he says he’s not on social media at all and I don’t want to be the person that actually searches to see if he is or not. Also I’ve spent the last few days crying because I thought he blocked me so I’m still angry with him even if he hasn’t done anything wrong. But then I would like to shag him again. It’s a conundrum.

OP posts:
whatisheupto · 14/08/2020 23:21

Oh!!! Call him back!! Hurray!! How can you wait?! More amazing sex is to be had! And he's nice after all! I knew it didn't seem right that he would have blocked you! Wink

FreezerBird · 14/08/2020 23:53

I'm glad ds had a good birthday and you didn't get struck by lightning, op. So the problem of ds's present can be crossed off the list and it looks like maybe-not-actually-ghosting-after-all man can be too.

I know otters are bite-y but doubt theyt could pull a whole finger tip off.

Have we learned nothing from Terry Butlins?

Weenurse · 15/08/2020 00:27

So sorry you are going through this.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2020 04:29

If the mutual friend has backed up Shagman's story about getting your phone number then that's a good sign.

Your DS having a great birthday and exTwat sitting around with a face like a wet weekend = WIN!

I agree, your luck is changing. Go with it.

ItsLateHumpty · 15/08/2020 04:44

I trust there have been no piano incidents today OP, and Mr Shagtastic seems to be back on, so already life’s getting better Grin

Original poster
Blanketyblanket · 15/08/2020 10:40

Guy I slept with has told me that he’s actually seeing someone now so god knows why he went through the effort of getting my number again 🙄.

I’ve got a child free weekend and so far I’ve driven half an hour away to a shop, got there and realised I forgot my purse, drove home to find I’d locked myself out so had to break in by climbing up a wall and now I’ve driven back to the shop. I’m currently sitting in the car trying to muster up the energy to go in and buy stuff. Feeling incredibly shit today.

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 15/08/2020 10:57

Well done for not just going home and getting under the bed clothes.

Have a coffee and buy yourself some flowers perhaps? Or maybe get a really nice notebook and a good pen and start writing lists of things you want to do or see, or decluttering ideas. Allow positive surges in. Or get your basics and go home, hide under the covers with some good music and have a weep. You are weathering the storm.

DishingOutDone · 15/08/2020 11:08

But at least you haven't been bitten by any seals today. Flowers

jenniferjane21 · 15/08/2020 11:08

Oh that is shit.
No wonder you're feeling low.
It's ok, you're allowed to feel low. It WILL get better 🍷☕🍷

Original poster
Blanketyblanket · 15/08/2020 11:22

I’m quite tempted to go for a swim, find the seal and punch the bastard. I think a good punch up would clear my head.

OP posts:
FannyFernackerpan · 15/08/2020 11:28

I hate to laugh at your despair OP but you have such a wonderful way of writing I can't help myself.

I really do hope things pick up for you, you sound wonderful. In the meantime keep your eye out for falling pianos x

Grin
YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 15/08/2020 12:19

Definitely punch the seal

So, Mr Shagtastic turned out to be a one nighter. At least it was fun and you didn't have to pay for it. There will be others out there. Maybe the man of your dreams will be waiting on the shore next time you go for a swim.

WouldBeGood · 15/08/2020 12:35

@DishingOutDone

But at least you haven't been bitten by any seals today. Flowers
This is the mark of life at a low ebb!

@Blanketyblanket I hope your day improves. At least you’ve had some top sex and now know it is to be had after your rubbish time.

Ice cream and Netflix should be safe? I can recommend Schitts Creek or Good Girls for distraction from despair.

Original poster
Blanketyblanket · 15/08/2020 12:53

Honestly, if I end up on Crimewatch for punching seals I will use some of these comments in my defence.

I don’t know why the bloody shagtastic man has upset me so much. He wore a pinky ring ffs. All he did was talk about himself and he always wore a stupid watch. If anyone could recommend a nice man to shag in the SW that would be good. I don’t think I’m brave enough for Tinder and I don’t know how else to meet anyone. My town is full of red trousered barkers at the moment but in a few weeks it will go back to all the toothless fishermen again. I’d like to find someone between the two extremes and it seems impossible around here. I don’t even want a relationship, I just want someone to shag me now and again. But if I put that on a Tinder profile I imagine I’d just get loads of pervs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blanketyblanket · 15/08/2020 12:55

wouldbegood I love Schitts Creek! I think I need to watch a bit of comedy to cheer myself up. I was listening to Flight of the Conchords in the car on the way to the shop earlier and managed to start sobbing at Father and Son. I think I’ve got about a decades worth of emotion suddenly falling out of me.

OP posts: