My life is completely fucked

[Blanketyblanket]

And I’m at the stage now that I’m just giggling at the entire ridiculousness of it all. So far this year

• my marriage has broken down, I have become a single mum and stbxh is showing no interest in the kids that he asked me to destroy my career to raise
• I have found out stbxh has spent a 5 figure sum on prostitutes during the last 3 years but has also been earning 5 times what he told me he was
• stbxh has installed either spyware on my phone or spy cams in the house as he is aware that I slept with someone a couple of nights ago
• the man I slept with a couple of nights ago (who has been lovely to me for months despite me making it very clear I wasn’t after a relationship) blocked me about an hour after sleeping with me
• my children have gone completely feral during the last 5 months of school
• I have found out today that I have more abnormal cells on my cervix despite having half of it burnt off a few weeks ago
• it’s dc1’s birthday on Friday and I’ve got him hardly anything and don’t have time to get him anything without him also being there
• my best friend has post party’s psychosis and has been sectioned as she was threatening to mill herself. She is convinced her family want her dead as they were the ones who requested the assessment that resulted in her being sectioned so I am the only person she wants to communicate with
• my dm kindly took the kids for an hour this morning so I could have a swim and clear my head and I got bitten by a cunting seal

I don’t know what to do. I’m drinking gin at my kitchen table right now and alternating between giggling at the complete wreckage of my life and sobbing.

Good gracious! I am so sorry for all you’re going through.
Once you know your health is all good, and it will be, your mind will be clear to deal with everything else.
When it is all sorted, write a book about your life, it will be made into a blockbuster & you’ll live happily ever after.
Amazon is your friend for your sons birthday.

Wake up and tell your son you're going on a birthday shopping trip then tell him he can pick anything in the toy shop (within reason) present problem solved!

The good news is that only 60% of your list needs action.

• POA for the campervan can be done with a driver's license or passport. Failing that go "fuck it" and take what you have.
• Use click and collect for the birthday gift or promise and experience to DS.
• Chase the docs about the abnormal cells.
• Find out about the spyware and keep the evidence.l think (please ask) you can wipe it with a factory reset on the phone. Women's Aid is a good shout. You want to square those ducks in case his financially abusive over the mortgage.

You don't need to worry about..

• the ghosted guy and ex knowing about him. Your ex is probably jealous you had a free shag!
• your finances. They will improve. Use the leverage you have got to get a good settlement, quickly. If nothing else, please consider writing as a career!
• feral kids are normal here. School will help.

The only way is up, start small, get your boy a present tomorrow, even if he is with you, give him a happy day. Then know, you, just you, gave him a happy day (even if you feel shit yourself). You will feel better for doing that.

Your friends family are the only ones who can deal with that now, don't be a martyr, if she is ill enough to be sectioned, a lot of what she puts on you, she may not even recall and you will bear the brunt of it right now, when you have your own issues.

Obviously there are longer term issues, but start small.

Call the GP re the bite and your test results.
Take your son shopping and get a lovely lunch.
Worry not about the guy who went quiet, his loss.
Call the police on your ex if you can. What a twat.
OP I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time this year. Sometimes all the shit comes a person's way all in one go.
Can you afford therapy? Anyone would be losing it a bit with all that going on.
On the plus side you sound very strong and great sense of humour.
Hope things are looking up soon.

Wow. That is a truly spectacularly shit time. I am sorry. I giggled a bit at the counting seal too. I'm glad that it didn't break the skin. I agree with what others have said. Ignore shitty blocking guy (we will all pray for you that he meets your seal when it is in a worse mood), give your son some birthday money and take him on a shopping trip to get his present. Ask the Dr what the plan is for the cells, say fuck it and take what you have in the way of letters and try and not let your friend's situation get to you. She is getting treatment now and she will get a lot of clarity when she starts to feel better. Definitely try and find the means of surveillance. Mobile phone shop and a bit of online research to find out what possible methods look like.

Let’s look at it differently right.

Your free to start a new life.
Your kids are well.
You have a roof over your head.
You know about the cells and you are dealing with it.
You aren’t going through what your friend is with MH.
Your DM is there for support (mighty not be much but it’s a hell off a lot more then what some people get).
You where declined an overdraft which is great news as you only benefit from a overdraft 1 time then your stuck in it forever.
Your ex is no longer your problem and isn’t it great that you get to be free from a man that doesn’t respect you.
Isn’t it great that the nice man who blocked you after a one night of passion showed a red flag 🚩 before stringing you along?.
Finally get to the toy shop with your dc and let him her pick out a couple of gifts!! Have fun get a couple of balloons and smile,seeing mammy smile will mean more then gifts atm.

Everything happens to us to challenge us and make us stronger. Good luck in your new chapter op.

P.s sorry how did I forget the counting seal. A positive in that is loads of people would love to be that close up to a seal!!! Lick your wounds and Move on it will be ok.

🤣cunting not counting

stbxh has installed either spyware on my phone or spy cams in the house as he is aware that I slept with someone a couple of nights ago

He doesn't hang around does he? He must have been planning to put them there already as nobody just has them in the house in case their stbxw meets a new man and sleeps with him.

That sounds like a huge amount for one person to handle. You seem to be hanging on to your sense of humour though.
I had a shit year in 1994. Mum died, discovered partner infertile, partner's surgery, partner subsequently telling me he thought he had infected me with HIV, partner leaving, work problems, house purchase fell through, DF took up with deeply inappropriate new partner barely weeks after mum died, blah blah. So tried to scale down my life, keep it simple, do kind deeds, focus on the important things. Part of which was that I agreed to watch friend's elderly neighbour for her whilst she was away, went round to get his shopping list one day, he was sitting in the armchair dead. That was my own cunting seal moment.
Let's hope you're getting all the bad luck out of the way in one big lump.

You have all my love and support. You sound like a tough cookie so I am pretty sure you will get through this somehow.

And this: images.app.goo.gl/LPPnqWheAHpJGxWf6

Sending you a hug. All of that’s shit. All of it. Your health is paramount, though. Be as kind as you can to yourself.

Your STBXH is a sack of shit. Your life will be so much better, without dragging that around.

You poor thing. Just wanted to send you some hugs and say that at least you now know who your STBXH really is. Things can only get better from here and you are now free to build a better life away from all his lies and deceit.

I am very sorry about your ex husband's behaviour, blanketyblanket, that must be hard to bear but from what you say about him, you are well out of the relationship. It's still difficult to be a single parent and will take you a while to adjust.

The man who has blocked you since sleeping with you is, in old fashioned terms, a 'cad'. it's an unfortunate fact that some people are just like that; they enjoy the chase and want new conquests. Put it down to experience and move on.

It's not unusual to have abnormal cells shown on a smear, it doesn't necessarily signify anything serious and at least you are already under the care of a gynae who will treat if necessary.

I hope things improve in the near future.

(What is a 'cunting seal'?)

lookatallthosechickens sorry but you have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m in South Devon, pretty much everyday someone gets hurt by a seal, it’s not rare at all. They very rarely break the skin, it’s more of a nip to see what you are. I very often have it nudge me when I’m swimming which is disconcerting enough but it’s never nipped me before. I’m sure there are only a couple of reports of seal bites because why the hell would anyone report it? Would you like me to log it with 101 in case he does it again?

But thanks to everyone else. I’m feeling slightly more positive this morning.

One day you will look back on this period in your life. You won’t laugh, as the saying goes, but you will think “Bloody hell, look what I got through. I am a fucking legend”!!

With the fling, you were clear you didnt want a relationship so hopefully you had some tension relieving fun for a night and now that’s done so don’t worry.

Your son’s birthday isnt a problem - go on Amazon! Or can your ma have your children for another couple of hours whilst you pop out?

There was a thread recently in ‘relationships’ where the OP had found a spy camera in her bedroom and her stbxh got arrested!! Even though you say you cannot report it, that’s one hell of a bargaining chip you have there now so get proof and threaten to use it!! I am guessing you have had all the appropriate std checks given his prostitution use urrrgh!

Can you lean on your mum a bit more - with this tsunami of shite, you need someone!

@Blanketyblanket

Firstly
Hang in there, it will get better
Secondly if the seal bite broke the skin the please get antibiotics - specifically tetracycline antibiotics (not routinely prescribed so you'd need to ask)

I do seal rescue and rehab and there's a particularly horrible condition called seal finger that's basically related to seal bites and can be really nasty - their mouths are filthy and the bites pretty much always get severely infected.
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seal_finger

Sorry this is probably the last thing you want to do but it's better than seal finger.

Do keep posting and venting. Your ex sounds awful

Oh, you poor thing! What a lot of shit you’re dealing with. I’m really sorry but the seal bite did make me laugh (I’m sure I wouldn’t be laughing if a seal had bitten me, though!). It’s the straw that broke the camel (seal’s) back, isn’t it? Bloody hell!

It might not seem like it now, but all of this complete BS you’re being subjected to can be the start of something more positive.

You know about the cervix abnormalities, which is good. You can get the right medical help and the prognosis for early detection is excellent.

You’ve got rid of the idiotic husband. Ok, it’s not going to be plain sailing, but thank fuck you’re rid of this horrible man and his creepy, lying ways.

Finances being fucked is so scary and draining. But it can be sorted, slowly but surely. I hope you’re taking the STBXH to the cleaners? If he can spend thousands on buying sex, he can bloody well pay for a bit of security for you and your DC.

On a practical note, get any support you can in RL now and don’t be shy about it. Solicitors, financial advice, friends & family. You don’t have to face it all alone .

Oh OP I just want to (socially distance) hug you. And that Cunting seal, does he not realise you were there to de-stress.

Seal finger?

Seriously though, I think in future on MN "cunting seal" with be the metaphor for some sort of final straw, or maybe an epiphany? "I read a text from another woman and suddenly saw the cunting seal". "After our last argument I had my cunting seal moment".

Thank you for giving us this OP. You sound amazing and strong, this too shall pass (but do watch out for seal finger).

@lookatallthosechickens

You didn’t get bitten by a seal, there have literally been about two incidences of that happening and they were rare enough to be newsworthy. They’re also incredibly strong and you wouldn’t be drinking gin at the kitchen table a few hours later, you’d probably be in the hospital having surgery to reconstruct your torn muscles and ligaments.

Oh do fuck off, I have also been bitten by a seal while surfing (twice) and didn’t report it to any database, imaginary or otherwise. And I didn’t need hospital treatment either. Why would you post such bullshit? You’ve made yourself look really stupid.

I'm so sorry for the shitstorm you're coping with, but 'bitten by a cunting seal' is one of the funniest things I've ever read on Mumsnet.

Hand hold for you . Things can only improve from here on...