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Original poster

My life is completely fucked

218 replies

Blanketyblanket · 12/08/2020 22:30

And I’m at the stage now that I’m just giggling at the entire ridiculousness of it all. So far this year

  • my marriage has broken down, I have become a single mum and stbxh is showing no interest in the kids that he asked me to destroy my career to raise
  • I have found out stbxh has spent a 5 figure sum on prostitutes during the last 3 years but has also been earning 5 times what he told me he was
  • stbxh has installed either spyware on my phone or spy cams in the house as he is aware that I slept with someone a couple of nights ago
  • the man I slept with a couple of nights ago (who has been lovely to me for months despite me making it very clear I wasn’t after a relationship) blocked me about an hour after sleeping with me
  • my children have gone completely feral during the last 5 months of school
  • I have found out today that I have more abnormal cells on my cervix despite having half of it burnt off a few weeks ago
  • it’s dc1’s birthday on Friday and I’ve got him hardly anything and don’t have time to get him anything without him also being there
  • my best friend has post party’s psychosis and has been sectioned as she was threatening to mill herself. She is convinced her family want her dead as they were the ones who requested the assessment that resulted in her being sectioned so I am the only person she wants to communicate with
  • my dm kindly took the kids for an hour this morning so I could have a swim and clear my head and I got bitten by a cunting seal

I don’t know what to do. I’m drinking gin at my kitchen table right now and alternating between giggling at the complete wreckage of my life and sobbing.

OP posts:
Scbchl · 12/08/2020 23:43

Bitten by a Seal..fucking hell there isnt many people who can tell that to the grandkids so think of the silver lining.

Seriously though, you are well rid of your ex. Him lying about his income surely means a bigger divorce settlement than you were expecting.

Was the sex with the guy worth it? If it was then forget him and move on. Last thing you need right now anyway is another man to deal with.

Spyware. Take all devices to a phone shop and ask them to check them for hidden spyware or go on reddit and ask for advice how to find hidden spy apps..get an alarm company out to do a maintenance on your smoke alarms and check them for cameras at the same time and check for any hidden cameras anywhere else they could be (most alarm companies are also CCTV installers so will know what to look for) check under your bed, mattress, behind headboard etc for hidden phone set to record.

Your sons bday what age is he? Could you buy things for click and collect and get a friend or family member to pick them up for you?

Your cervix, hope this all goes well and they get it all removed. This would understably worry anyone. Never mind without all the other cluster fuck of stuff.

Campervan, do you not have emails with your address on you could print for things like driving insurance, gas or electric?

I'm sorry you are going through so much at once. Life really is sent to test us sometimes but I always tell myself (I often have alot of shit going down at once) I will come out the other side of this stronger and wiser and less accepting of bullshit from men....and seals in your case.

Didkdt · 12/08/2020 23:43

You do sound awesome.
Wish I could wave a shitbegone wand in your direction

Chilver · 12/08/2020 23:46

You sound like a legend! and yes, with what you've going on, you are allowed a puty party and LOTS of gin!!

I agree woth pp in that I think your stbxh got to your new man, and if he's that weak he bows down to stbxh's shitty control, who wants him anyway?? You're well rid.

So, next focus should absolutely be you and your health. Seal bite (ouch!) and definitely cervix woes.

Then feral kids and birthdays (and who's kids AREN'T feral at the moment??!)

Then friend and so on.

Nothing you can do about stbxh except take him to the cleaners for putting your health at risk by using prostitutes etc.

Hope things begin to look up soon. If all else failsx you can become a overnight sensational author because you write really well with dark humour Smile

icelollycraving · 12/08/2020 23:46

Worst bites you could have...maybe you looked like Heidi Klum in the water. Clearly you’re bloody gorgeous.

My life is completely fucked
Itsjustabitofbanter · 12/08/2020 23:48

@lookatallthosechickens

You didn’t get bitten by a seal, there have literally been about two incidences of that happening and they were rare enough to be newsworthy. They’re also incredibly strong and you wouldn’t be drinking gin at the kitchen table a few hours later, you’d probably be in the hospital having surgery to reconstruct your torn muscles and ligaments.
Don’t be so fucking ridiculous. Daughter of a family of bass fishers here. For a start seal bites are so common round here that I know people with a condition called ‘seal finger’. Also not every bite is going to nearly sever a limb or even mark or break the skin. And I’d love to know where this database is that records seal bites, but only actually has two on there. Tit.
Ifionlyknewthenwhatiknownow3 · 12/08/2020 23:49

I've had a seal encounter myself!
Was just walking out if the sea and only knee deep when I felt an almighty nudge on my foot. Examined it to see it was bleeding, I'll never know why, was it it's claws? Whiskers? Teeth? Was it only curiosity?

Try not to let your experience put you off swimming in the sea, you need your respite from the shite going on.
All the best, you're going to be okay

UnRavellingFast · 12/08/2020 23:50

Hi OP sorry to hear all this. Health first- Doc for cunting seal bite and abnormal cells. Feral kids- they all atm and it will pass. Look forward with conviction that things will get better in the future. I also had year like that recently - divorce, near Destitution, Very threatening and abusive ex, house semi fell down, had to get new boiler and heating, kids both falling apart in different ways. It is slowly getting better. Oh apart from Covid lockdown financial meltdown etc. But I have gained something quite valuable - not willingly- resilience and not giving a fuck about anything but family and health of family. KOKO. xx

DishingOutDone · 12/08/2020 23:53

I can't believe someone came on to dispute your seal situation.

Vodkacranberryplease · 12/08/2020 23:53

Tell his Mum!!! You must!!! You must also tell her that you are thinking of going to the police. Call it insurance if you will. You are going to need this nasty piece of shit firmly under control and there's only one way to do that. Blackmail.

He needs to be shit scared of you. Terrified in fact. Anything less and he will be a real problem.

And just screw him over. Thank god he's not trying for 50/50 (more child maintenance and you can keep them away from his poisonous influence). If his mum is nice (do fucking arseholes have nice mums?) then she could be very useful. She won't want to lose access to her GCs so if he tries to duck out completely she will soon put a stop to it.

And do contact that guy and find out what the fuck happened. It can not be as simple as you shagged him and then he had what he wanted.

backseatcookers · 12/08/2020 23:53

You didn’t get bitten by a seal, there have literally been about two incidences of that happening and they were rare enough to be newsworthy. They’re also incredibly strong and you wouldn’t be drinking gin at the kitchen table a few hours later, you’d probably be in the hospital having surgery to reconstruct your torn muscles and ligaments.

There literally haven't been only two instances of seal bites - I know someone who was bitten by a seal and so do other people on this thread. Unless we all know my mate Jessica (who we called Andre from the time she was bitten by a cunting seal) you're wrong I'm afraid!

Bowerbird5 · 12/08/2020 23:53

My DH lied about his salary for years. I found out when he had to declare it on DDs Uni forms!

I would ring local A&E and check about the seal bite.

Passes you another glass of gin. Have you tried Lone Wolf Lemon one mmm a bit too delicious. No wonder you need a gin. I hope things improve.

DishingOutDone · 12/08/2020 23:54

When this is all over you have to submit your entire life to the BBC for a sitcom pilot though. You have to laugh or you'd cry. Have you got any tonic with that gin BTW?

Allmyfavouritepeople · 12/08/2020 23:56

Is it possible that ex and ghost shag are linked? Set up by ex like a honey trap to dtd and then vanish? Very suspicious that your ex knows about it.

You will get through this. Your one post alone shows you have the sheer resilience to laugh when it all goes crazy.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 12/08/2020 23:57

Oh love, fucking hell what a bastard of a time you've had. I'm sure some people will be along with some grown up advice but I wanted to say that being able to use the amazing phrase 'bitten by a cunting seal' at such a shit time makes me think you're probably an absolute fucking legend

Star and Flowers

Vodkacranberryplease · 12/08/2020 23:59

@Itsjustabitofbanter this is so disappointing! I love seals! Now I will have to find another completely unsuitable animal to project my idea of cute and funny equals not dangerous on to. I lost otters a few years ago but held onto the dream anyway.

I was hoping to dive with them in Scotland one day too. Not sure I want to risk my wetsuit now though.

Enoughnowstop · 13/08/2020 00:00

Oh love, 12 years ago my life was like a plot writer from Eastenders was on speed. You couldn’t have made it up and if it had gone on TV, it would have been panned for being utterly unrealistic.

I won’t bore you with the detail but it is a cliched truism that time heals. You really do have to wade right through the middle of the shit (don’t dance around the edges ‘cos you’ll only fall in) to get to the other side. One step, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

Stick in a claim at the CMS and speak to Women’s Aid re: tracking. Your community police officers who deal,with domestic violence may also be worth a ring. You need to get that sorted as a priority so you can get on with your life. I would put money on him having warned off the bloke you slept with. Assume the worst and you will never be disappointed, don’t expect him to change or see the light. I would be long dead if I’d held my breath. Most of all, keep that sense of humour cos that, above everything, will get you through.

backseatcookers · 13/08/2020 00:01

[quote Vodkacranberryplease]@Itsjustabitofbanter this is so disappointing! I love seals! Now I will have to find another completely unsuitable animal to project my idea of cute and funny equals not dangerous on to. I lost otters a few years ago but held onto the dream anyway.

I was hoping to dive with them in Scotland one day too. Not sure I want to risk my wetsuit now though.[/quote]
The truth about dolphins broke my heart tbh...

BikeRunSki · 13/08/2020 00:02

For you @Blanketyblanket, I hope things start looking up for you soon.

My life is completely fucked
Itsjustabitofbanter · 13/08/2020 00:06

@Vodkacranberryplease I’m furiously scrolling though all the pics on my phone trying to find what one did to my dads finger a few years ago! I’ll post it I can find it Grin

MrsNoah2020 · 13/08/2020 00:06

A&E doc and GP here. I can't say I have ever treated a seal bite in the UK. However, they're quite common in other countries and, as PPs are saying, they can be nasty. If it's anything more than a scratch, it ought to be washed out in A&E. Seal bites are also one of the few animal bites that often need prophylactic (preventative) antibiotics. So please do go to A&E if the bite is at all deep, and especially if it's over a joint or on your hand or face.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 13/08/2020 00:06

@backseatcookers dolphins are the worst!!

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 13/08/2020 00:12

Q

TalkingOutOfMyBottom · 13/08/2020 00:13

Are you sure it was a seal and not your stbxh? Wink

That's a lot. Do you think stbxh threatened person you slept with?

Vodkacranberryplease · 13/08/2020 00:14

@backseatcookers Nooooo... don't you dare . Dolphins are majestic and wonderful animals who only do good.

I will be looking for that seal bite picture too! Do they do it because there's pups? Or just a general get away from my fish thing?

backseatcookers · 13/08/2020 00:16

[quote Vodkacranberryplease]@backseatcookers Nooooo... don't you dare . Dolphins are majestic and wonderful animals who only do good.

I will be looking for that seal bite picture too! Do they do it because there's pups? Or just a general get away from my fish thing?[/quote]
Sorry to break it to you, it hit me hard too, but they are absolute arseholes. Never been so let down by a species. Other than humans obviously Grin