Are you one of 4+ siblings?

[AdultFishcakes]

Hello

Thinking of going for #4. I’m an only child, DH one of two and we have DC 4, 2 and 1. All going well baby would arrive end next year when I’m 40.

(Under normal circumstances) we have a good mix of flexible work, and childcare, space and the financial ability to meet the costs.

If you’re a sibling from a large family I’d love to know what your experience was growing up, especially in terms of privacy, noise, major pros and major cons of being one of four or above.

Thanks

Dreadful. Not enough parental attention, privacy, physical space etc. My siblings are childfree by choice, and I have one child, also by choice.

I'm the youngest of 4. It was bloody awful. By the time I was old enough to play with certain things my brother was too old and my parents frankly fed up so the house became less child friendly, things were thrown away to accommodate my older siblings and I was left to entertain myself. My parents had run out of patience and finances were really tight (and I think that's the case for larger families over all). If you think that ut will be OK because they can share toys/clothes etc then don't do it. As a child, always having second hand made me feel undervalued and like I wasn't worth new things.
Food was bulked out and as a result I now hate leeks, rice and angel delight! Christmas wasnt magical as it should be because it was based around my brothers ages rather than mine.
No where near enough space, I shared a room until I was in my teens and had no privacy at all.
Honestly, please don't do it. I would never subject my children to such an upbringing. Everything was stretched.

Awful. Hated it. Never enough parental attention. We were well off, large house (we all had our room, dedicated play room, large garden), stay at home mum. But time. You can't buy time and there are only so many hours in a day.

I have 2 (1 by choice, 1 accident), my brothers are child free by choice, my sister has 2 (1 teenage pregnancy, 1 planned, 12 year age gap). .

1 of 5. Don't actually have any cons. I loved my big family and the fact there was siblings to always play with.
We're still a big family now.
Mum and dad have eight grandchildren between all of us 5 but hopefully be more as were not all done!

I'm the oldest of 7 and loved it. There's 9.5 years between eldest and youngest. Our childhood was great. Our patents made sure we all got one to one time, we had holidAys and days out and we always had somebody to play woth.
I now have 4, and all siblings have at least 2 children. The kids love their cousins.

I'm one of four girls. Absolutely loved / love it. We had a lot of fun growing up (and love getting together now). I shared a room with one of my sisters for most of my childhood and we had fun doing stuff together. We have shared the good times and the bad.. and obviously had our fair share of fighting and pulling each other's hair out (literally), but I think that's pretty normal.. I think a sibling relationship is so special!

Reading through responses maybe I was just lucky then? We always had our parents attention. Never wore hand me downs and Christmas was and is still very magical.

@SpillTheTeaa you're not alone. I loved my childhood.

Awful. I’m one of four.

My parents had the finances and space to support us, but not the mental fortitude. I remember a lot of vying for attention and arguments. I would never have more than 2 children as a result.

One if 5. We're all still v close, in our 50s. Loved it.

When you say ‘financial ability to meet the cost’, at exactly what level are you talking about?

In our family of 4 we have a bedroom each and all went to private schools, but you can’t buy more time, attention or love. Two of us now have have no children, whilst the other two have only 1 each - all as a result of feeling things were too stretched as children. My parents did their best, and had financial resources, but I don’t feel I was loved ‘enough’ or felt special as a child. Being one of so many meant that there simply wasn’t enough time to give to everyone.

Yes to mental fortitude! My parents did not have it! 3 was their limit.

I was the oldest, so no hand me downs. But the younger ones didn't wear hand me downs either. Whilst we love each other, we all feel we'd be better off if there had been fewer of us!

middle ground for me - it was fine. more spread out than your kids though, there's five years between me and older sibling and four/six years between me and younger siblings.

i have 2 DC and based on my experience growing up if it hadn't been for such a big age gap (due to infertility) between my 2 then i probably would have had at least one more.

I'm the middle of 5, with a 6 year gap between the eldest and youngest. We had plenty materially and my mum was a SAHM and we had help, but on the basis of time/attention I stopped at 3. None of the 5 of us have any more than 3.

Awful. Hated it.

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar, that’s so interesting to hear of another family whose own reproductive decisions have been impacted by their childhoods feeling overstretched/overcrowded. At one point, when my siblings and I were all in our 30s, married or in longterm relationships, and all childfree (I had my child just before turning 40), I remember friends finding it very odd indeed to encounter an entire sibling set who chose not to have children.

I'm the second of 4. Well off, big house and garden, stay at home mum.

Pros: feel like one of a gang, we had lots of fun especially on holidays etc. Always someone to play with. Love it now at Christmas etc as there is a great buzz.

Cons: not as much parental attention as an individual. Compete a bit for attention, cause some longer term resentment. Even now my parents find it hard to make sure they visit us all roughly equally and keep up with us all. At times I was jealous of friends who were from families of 2, as they could have really close individual relationships with parents without anyone's nose going out of joint if they for example, go on holiday as child/ parent. I am close with my parents but it's a bit different.

Not sure there'd be a huge difference between 3 and 4 although I suppose it depends on number of bedrooms and age gap etc. I have two and don't think I have the brain capacity for any more!

3 of my siblings have chosen to remain childless, I don't suppose I have given it much thought before but yes, there's a definite pattern emerging.

Hated it. Not enough attention, room, no privacy for teenagers, my mum made us compete for her attention, older ones expected to look after younger ones. My parents had enough money but spent it unfairly. As a adult I only have a relationship with one of my siblings. My siblings have maximum 2 dc. Two have no dc.
In my experience having a large family was about satisfying my mother's wants above her children's needs.

Oldest of 7.
No privacy, never any alone time with parents.
Babies and small ones came first and anyone over 10 was an annoyance.
Had to help from too young.
Horrible comments from other children in school and from adults too, about parent's sex life.
My oldest brother and I very much felt like the practice runs and still do- the youngest two are still treated very differently.
I'm sticking to one myself.

DH is one of five. They have had 3DCs, 0 DCs, 0DCs 0DCs 1 DC.
I am one of five. Two had 2 DCs, 1 had 3DCs, 1 had 0DCs -- if you can make any sense of that. But I think it does suggest that large families might have their disadvantages to the DCs.

And the noise! Going 3-4 was a BIG step. 4-5 was a drop in the ocean.

I longed for solitude and quiet. The house was a constant din of noise all the time. As an adult I moved out at 18 for peace and quiet but became incredibly lonely and depressed as I realised I didn't have the mental resources to be alone. Took lots of adjusting! I struggle now as an adult.

Parts I liked parts I hated. Didn’t have much attention from parents and we had zero money. Fought like hell with older siblings who felt they had to care for us younger ones, then fought like hell with younger ones as there wasn’t enough to go around. Older ones caused trouble in their teenage years and remember being ushered away whilst there were arguments in the house.
Looking back we really were rather poor I guess, like one fish finger and a tin of beans shared between 6 of us! But, life felt busy and loud! We always had lovely big homes and gardens and always someone around so never lonely. Most siblings don’t have any kids or just the one, and two say they hate kids!!

I'm 3rd of 4 and overall it was positive. We didn't have any competing for attention - my dad and older sister were disabled and so that had a bigger impact on anything than there being 4 of us. I did hate sharing a room though.

I'm the eldest of 6. We are not a very close family. My parents were (are) absolutely shit with money, so times were very tough. It wasn't a fun house to grow up in. My husband is from a small family. Kids sent to boarding school, which I think is the ultimate in outsourcing parenting, an obviously not much parental attention. They are still reasonably close though.

I know lots of big families though: mum's friend had 6 kids, her cousin had 5, school friends were one of 4 or 5. They are all really loving families, really close, despite various age gaps.

I have 4 kids from 1-7 and I wouldn't change it. They're a lovely little gang.

Do it!