Are you one of 4+ siblings?

[AdultFishcakes]

Hello

Thinking of going for #4. I’m an only child, DH one of two and we have DC 4, 2 and 1. All going well baby would arrive end next year when I’m 40.

(Under normal circumstances) we have a good mix of flexible work, and childcare, space and the financial ability to meet the costs.

If you’re a sibling from a large family I’d love to know what your experience was growing up, especially in terms of privacy, noise, major pros and major cons of being one of four or above.

Thanks

We all had our own bedrooms but I chose to share until my late teens.

Good luck with your decision OP, just bear in mind 3 could become 5 😀

Interestingly to add none of my DH's siblings have had children.

Yes. One of four. We had a massive house though, huge bedroom each and spare bedrooms for an au pair, a play room and a junk room. So I could always find somewhere quiet to be.

I liked having other people around and we invented lots of games etc

But 1-1 time with my parents was so rare, and they often missed big things I was struggling with.

And I was very conscious of the impact at the point my friends with just one (or no) sibling were getting substantial help with house deposits

I'm one of four and had a happy childhood. There is 2 years between us all so life was a but manic when we were all young. I never had my own room until I moved out to uni, we never had a lot of money (we couldn't afford to go on holiday abroad until late teens) but I remember it really fondly. We've all stayed close too but each family is different.

This is a fascinating read! I'm the oldest of 4 and never thought about it. I shall assume that my parents managed a good balance of attention on us! Never felt I went without.
I'm now pregnant with our 4th who is very much unplanned as I had my tubes cut and tied when I had my daughter a year ago. My 4 will be very close in age as my oldest will only turn 4 in August, just after this last one is born. Financially, we'll be ok and already make sure that every child gets the attention they need so hopefully, we can keep that up!

My DH is one of 4. He is really close to all his family but says there was no privacy or space when they were growing up. He shared a room with 2 brothers until he left home.
I've got no idea how he feels about parental attention but MIL is easily able to ignore my DC in favour of cooking, cleaning and rearranging things tidying up whenever we see them so they might not have got a lot.

1 of 4 and I loved it growing up. Always someone to play with. I always thought friends houses with less children were so quiet. It’s even better now we are adults, we all get on and all have partners who get on, we get together often and it’s lots of fun. I would love to have 4 myself

And I was very conscious of the impact at the point my friends with just one (or no) sibling were getting substantial help with house deposits

Really? I mean I got 200k & could have got an extra 600k if no siblings but much rather have siblings, would never cross my mind. I'm conscious of friends who no or one sibling who got nothing.

For us, the problems were due to parenting, not the number of children.

I’m guessing that didn’t go quite as well as OP expected 🤭

Sorry but I hated it as a kid too.
I like it now we are adults, though and don't have to live with each other. 😁

I didn't hate it. There were lots of happy times and there was the money for all sorts of hobbies (sailing, dance, horse riding, music) and holidays in Europe. And I am close to my siblings still and they all are very different individuals who add different joy to my life.

But as a parent I wouldn't go into it unless I had substantial financial resources.

I'm one of four and my DH is one of four. Being able to compare our experiences, I'd say it definitely depends on the family and the parents.

DH has a massive age gap between him and two of his older siblings. Their family isn't close at all. They grew up with next to no money. I don't personally agree with a lot of PILs parenting methods. I'm not sure DH would have wanted his childhood for our DH.

I'm glad to be one of four. In my parents case, they had twins with number three so it was never intentionally four and I don't think they would have had four by choice. I had plenty of privacy, we had a room each. My parents have always tried to be fair with money, attention etc. We are a very close family and still close now. There is only six years between eldest and youngest. There are negatives from my childhood, but I don't think any of them were from being one of four. My mum has obvious mental health problems and I'd say any negatives stem from them. Incidentally, she was an only child and she absolutely hated it.

I am number 4 of five and although as a child I didn't know any different, as an adult I can't see the really negative impacts of it. Buy the time it was my turn for anything my parents were worn out or just assumed one of the others would have told me. Examples, hair and (later) make up. I was never shown how to do these basics o self care as my parents just felt I'd pick it up front he others who were taught lots of different styles. Periods and puberty, again my parents had been through it so many rimes that it didn't occur to them to give me any specifics or one on one info (that then caused a lot of knock on effects) graduations and other milestones were so common place by the time I did them that very little fuss was made of them because it is dull the 4th them round!!!

I hated every minute of it, swore never to have more than 2, and would advise every woman against having children at all.

@AmandaHoldensLips why?

@derta I got nothing. But growing up where I did most of my social circle got substantial help.

It's the kind of thjbn someone planning a big family should consider

I have to agree about financial help when the kids are older. I always suspected that children of large families might be pissed off if there’s no help coming their way. My DP has no regrets at being an only child. He received an amazing education at a private boarding school and will one day receive a substantial inheritance. Lucky sod.

I'm the oldest of 4 and it had some good points but also a lot of bad points. We were quite poor, there was no space or quiet times. I didn't go on holiday until I was old enough to afford to pay for one myself. We never went on days out. I never really had any alone time with my mum and because I was the oldest I was expected to help with the child care. I now only have one child and all but one of us has the same, the other has no children.

I was the eldest of 5 and growing up apart from the lack of space, i loved it. I have loads of wonderful memories of having fun with my siblings. My mum spent plenty of time with us and although money was tight, we never went without. Im really close to my siblings now. My sister is my best friend.
The negatives of being 1 of 5 didnt put me off as I now have 4 children.

@NeverTwerkNaked but I know plenty of people who didn't get anything regardless of siblings. Some of those had parents who could help but chose not to. I definitely think it's important to consider money but where do you draw the line & I think it's important to consider regardless of you have 1 or 4 dc. I would inherit loads if I was an only (maybe around 2m) but I'd much rather have less & my siblings.

That is another point. We didn't receive any financial help when older, most of my friends were given money for house deposits. I had to get a job when I was 14 and help my mum pay the bills when my dad left. I have one child through choice.

@derta that's nice. But op was asking for people's experiences and I was giving mine not asking for judgement. It doesn't mean I wish my siblings don't exist. It just means that I think it is an aspect people should consider before having a big family. Not a reason to rule out a big family, but a point to consider.

I think it's a point to consider regardless of how many dc you have.