My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

[LocalNetter]

My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

I don't know why but this pattern has repeated my entire life so far. At school, in my house-share, at uni, at work.

There will be no argument, no fight, no disagreement. I would have maybe spoken to them once or twice and suddenly they'll be all cold (but some will pretend to be nice to my face) but will gradually stop the ones who do talk to me from talking to me. It will always be those most closest to that girl/woman who will firstly start acting off with me and then eventually most people get converted to that way.

Whilst the others wouldn't necessarily be my bestest friends, I know they'd like me enough to make pleasant talk with me etc and over time they almost start becoming a bully towards me.

Is this how some people bond? By talking about someone else negatively to build their own friendship?

The saddest thing is I would have had no fight or disagreement or done anything remotely unkind to deserve that hate. Fine if she's not interested in being friends with me but to actively dislike me for no reason and turn others against me is horrible. Sometimes, the girls who do this are initially much less liked by others than I am and yet they miraculously turn it around completely.

I'm just sick of being the butt of it for other girls to bond with each other and I don't know why it happens to me every time :( :( I always try and help people, have never been disloyal or even rude, even these girls themselves will often say I'm super nice, etc. - it's almost like that film "mean girls".

Have you seen people treated this way? Do you know what seems to make a particular person a target for this kind of behaviour?

I hate being a victim of this any longer :(

Annamaria14 what's our generation? There are people from a wide variety of age groups on mn.

@mapsie I am getting it just fine. Why don't you take stock of your own aggressive manner, and learn how to communicate more politely

Patting someone on the head and saying "its ok, they're all just jealous cows" isn't actually helpful. It's massages the ego but serves no other useful purpose.

It's also demonstrably untrue because we all know smart, pretty, successful women who have plenty of female friends (at least I do).

Some women may be envious of the OP, but most won't be. If this is happening repeatedly with multiple people in multiple situations (not just women, as the OP said that men have distanced themselves too - her perception was that this was due to manipulation by a woman, but we don't know for sure if that was why) then there will be something else causing issues.

Women are cruel, nasty and jealous but I'm the aggressive one & need to communicate more politely. 🤣🤣

@Annamaria14 I think you're the one with communication problems & a perfect example of someone who thinks everyone else has the issue.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable exactly

You fitted right into the "nasty women theory".

So I'm the nasty one for thinking a comment that belittles what domestic abuse victims go through is horrible? Really, have you actually thought about that? You need to take a look in the mirror if you think that comparison comment is OK @Annamaria14

Out of interest @Annamaria14 if you’re so down on your own gender why on Earth is Mumsnet your forum of choice?

I believe you OP: I've seen it lots of times. One of my best friends from uni was gorgeous, clever and had great taste. We were a tight little group of four girls in a sea of lads and they were all mad about her; she just had this naturally sexy thing going on (think Lucie from love Island the other year).

It gradually emerged that she had never had a group of good girl friends before. We all visited her home a couple of times and her so called friends were very nasty and bitchy and actively sought to cause trouble for her; lying about her boyfriend and allsorts.

And since uni she has never had another gang of friends; she has a nice husband and sister in law and we all meet up a few times a year so I think she's okay. She can't make girlfriends though.

And I can think of a couple more examples; someone gorgeous and funny at playgroup that another mum seemed desperate to make everyone else dislike (fortunately horrid mum moved away). And someone at work who was absolutely beautiful and smart and until I joined the office only hung out with the boys.

@mapsie you are aggressive. And also blaming everyone else except yourself.

@TinklyLittleLaugh interesting that you mentioned Lucie in love island.

Remember that Lucie was the best looking girl on love island, and all the other women on love island bullied her.

And how lucie said that she had never had a girl friend in her life, she only had male friends.

Was that Lucie's fault? Or was it because she was better looking than all the other women, and they were insecure?

Women really need to think before they are cruel to other women, you can ruin some ones life

I think it's quite interesting that in her documentary, Taylor Swift said that the reason she was so invested in her Girl Squad was that when she was younger other girls were jealous and did not want to be friends, so that when people did, it kind of went to her head.

@GreytExpectations if you believe being hit, kicked, etc by a woman is any less traumatising than any and all domestic abuse situations, you lack awareness of the world. You are probably also the type of person who says it’s only domestic violence if a man hits a woman and not the other way around.

Thanks @TinklyLittleLaugh

@Annamaria14 are you confusing me with another poster?

Where have I been aggressive? Is it because I challenged your point that all women are "vicious"? That's not aggression.

Who am I blaming & for what?

Annamaria I didn't know she said that, just dipped in and out of Love Island while my girls were watching it and said, "Oh she looks so like your Auntie D, 30 odd years ago."

The outright nastiest and cruellest people that I have met in my life are female.

I am still thinking about the woman who burned her cigarette into my back, because I made the crime of being prettier than her.

Women in general need to be kinder to other women

I think I'm reasonably nice and attractive, and I have lots of nice attractive female friends. I don't think all women are like anything, but I do prefer one to one friendships or a small group of three than anything larger. I just find larger there's always someone who's a bit left out, and sometimes that person has been me!

Funny op, you only now mention being hit and kicked. But you are just soooo smart and pretty, everyone is just in awe are your amaziningness.

Your comment about domestic abuse was still incredibly insensitive and if youc ant understand why then that speaks volumes about yourself

Women in general need to be kinder to other women

Except you though......🤦🏼‍♀️

@GreytExpectations - actually it’s you who didn’t read the full thread before commenting. I did mention it. Even without checking, you automatically assume I didn’t mention it. Funny how when you belittle the effect bullying can have on people. There are thousands of people who suffer for years from bullying at school, some even commit suicide. The effects severe bullying can have can be just as bad as domestic abuse and just as hard to escape if it’s in a school setting.

Of course it doesn't happen to all beautiful women; my sister was absolutely drop dead gorgeous and was always Queen Bee. It does happen though, particularly I think when the attractive women is a very straightforward, uncalculating type of person.

I think it depends on how you look at the world too op. You can worry about social hierarchies and queen bees and their underlings. Or you can realise that it's all bullshit and leave the people who want to play those silly games too it.

You can focus on finding genuine friends who you enjoy the types of things you do, or see the world in a similar way or are nothing like you, but are really lovely.

@TinklyLittleLaugh your Taylor swift comment is a very fair point but I don't think it's comparable to the OP. Taylor Swift has always been very humble about herself as a celebrity and has stated in other interviews she was an awkward girl in high school but left it as that, she didn't say anything about others being jealous. The OP doesn't seem to be as humble which is why I think the way she comes across to people may be the issue

Off topic but I thought Taylor totally mean girlied Katy Perry?

The effects severe bullying can have can be just as bad as domestic abuse
Well except for the effect of death of course - 2 women per week Op.

However that’s off topic - I would suggest trying to find someone who will he really honest with you. The fact that you are fixating on specific women and assuming that they have the power to turn everyone against you gives an indication that feel persecuted and realistically this isn’t likely the case every time - with flat mates, schoolmates, uni friends and work colleagues? That’s a lot of scenarios.

@LocalNetter you are refusing to consider how you may be the issue. Who descibres their chest size and plump lips like that? You clearly are not wanting to reflect on your own behaviour and just want everyone to pat your head and tell you all other women are nasty and jealous. It's not as easy as that and I'm fed up of people resorting to the ego boasting "Everyone is just so jealous"

I'm well aware of the effects of bullying, I've had that experience from people exactly like you but I would not compare it to women who have been subject to rape and violence at the hands of men.