My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

[LocalNetter]

My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

I don't know why but this pattern has repeated my entire life so far. At school, in my house-share, at uni, at work.

There will be no argument, no fight, no disagreement. I would have maybe spoken to them once or twice and suddenly they'll be all cold (but some will pretend to be nice to my face) but will gradually stop the ones who do talk to me from talking to me. It will always be those most closest to that girl/woman who will firstly start acting off with me and then eventually most people get converted to that way.

Whilst the others wouldn't necessarily be my bestest friends, I know they'd like me enough to make pleasant talk with me etc and over time they almost start becoming a bully towards me.

Is this how some people bond? By talking about someone else negatively to build their own friendship?

The saddest thing is I would have had no fight or disagreement or done anything remotely unkind to deserve that hate. Fine if she's not interested in being friends with me but to actively dislike me for no reason and turn others against me is horrible. Sometimes, the girls who do this are initially much less liked by others than I am and yet they miraculously turn it around completely.

I'm just sick of being the butt of it for other girls to bond with each other and I don't know why it happens to me every time :( :( I always try and help people, have never been disloyal or even rude, even these girls themselves will often say I'm super nice, etc. - it's almost like that film "mean girls".

Have you seen people treated this way? Do you know what seems to make a particular person a target for this kind of behaviour?

I hate being a victim of this any longer :(

But people have asked the OP, "Are you clever, are you pretty?" And she has simply responded factually, "I got good grades, my teacher thought I was a clever, I'm slim, big eyes, full lips," etc. She wasn't particularly bigging herself up. She was asked and she replied.

@mapsie
Off topic but I thought Taylor totally mean girlied Katy Perry?

That's not what happened. There was a fued where they were both at fault, the media were just twisting it to create their own narrative as the media does. Taylor Swift actually had to deal with a lot of unfair shit at the hands of the media.

I've experienced this to an extent, not at every institution I've been part of but I was disappointed when it happened again last year in a workplace setting as in my mid-late 20's I didn't expect to still be dealing with this, especially on the receiving end of it by women in their 30's. Some women never grow out of that Mean Girls mentality unfortunately. Even though it's a minority of women in my opinion it still has devastating consequences on women as a whole.

Like yourself, I didn't have direct conflict with these women at my workplace but they decided to basically start a smear campaign against me because I complained about their male friend who was being very nasty and unprofessional whilst training me in my role, to the point I'd be crying in the toilets in my break time after sitting with him and getting 'feedback' which consisted of personal attacks and nothing remotely constructive.

I had no issues with either of these women and except for exchanging the usual pleasantries with them prior to this, there was no relationship there positive or negative until they decided to take it upon themselves to avenge their friend who was a bully because he played the system and went sick after I got a new trainer and they seemed to blame me for this. I'm a quiet person but I felt I needed to stand up for myself which is why I had to reluctantly ask to be trained by someone else to do my role. It wasn't even an official complaint/grievance, I basically just made my feelings known and was allocated a new trainer.

OP, I'm sorry you keep going through this and I think if you're seen as a quiet/sweet person like myself who avoids conflict you're more likely to fall victim to these nasty women.

I was reading an article about female-female dynamics in the workplace and found some of the research conducted into this area fascinating. The findings of a study were basically that because women typically have to fight for their place more than men in most workplaces, by being aggressive towards other females it's less about them instinctively being competitive against and/or disliking other women but about fighting for the limited opportunities available for women, so a Queen bee syndrome type of thing. I wish I bookmarked the article as it was an interesting but ultimately quite sad conclusion that misogyny has basically driven women to most of these toxic behaviours.

Annamaria14 you seem very biased against overweight women in particular and very focused on negative past experiences with 'jealous' women. You have never once commented on any of their other qualities only their looks and that makes you sound shallow and judgemental.

A woman once stubbed a cigarette out on my dp's back once. I think it's safe to say she wasn't jealous of his (gorgeous, but very masculine) looks.

To be fair Grumpy I would imagine suicide because of bullying kills as many people as domestic abuse.

That makes sense @awkwardpigeon. I had a very similar experience with a trainer. Eventually got another one and she was lovely.

@TinklyLittleLaugh thank you - that’s exactly it. Someone literally asked me if I did well at school and if I was pretty. So I said my grades and described what I looked like (both pros and cons) which I wouldn’t do in real life as people could actually see me

I wonder why so many women are happy to take other women at their word if they are treated badly by men, but not if they are treated badly by other women?

@TinklyLittleLaugh, very true along with those school shoot out mass killings that have been instigated often as school was an unpleasant time full of bullying for slightly awkward, soft, nerdy people up to the point they develop a mental disorder.

Everyone went on about be kind after the Caroline flack story but funny how quickly that disappears

To summarise:

bullying is horrible

not wanting to be friends with someone isn't necessarily bullying

women can bully

sometimes it can be down to jealously

For most being attractive is a good thing

If any scenario keeps happening to you eg bad boyfriends, not progressing at work, missing the bus everyday it's probably something you're doing too.

@TinklyLittleLaugh I think some people immediately take it as an insult to themselves when another person of their gender is regarded the perpetrator. Odd.

I agree with your points @mapsie but point 2 is definitely something I have not claimed. I’ve said multiple times if they just said they didn’t want to be my friend, that would be fine. Instead, it developing into bitching about me to others, spreading false rumours about me and physical abuse, is not acceptable and is bullying

Everyone went on about be kind after the Caroline flack story but funny how quickly that disappears

Personally I thought that was a lot of bullshit. Obviously Caroline's death was tragic but the "Be Kind" movement was very one sided & used to stifle criticism. Don't m see many people screaming "Be Kind" in relation to Donald Trump?*

*is he a dick of the highest order.

I wonder why so many women are happy to take other women at their word if they are treated badly by men, but not if they are treated badly by other women?

I don't think that's what people are saying though is it? For example if my friend was in relationships that always involved cheating then I would encourage my friend to look at who she was attracted too.

I have a brother & lots of male friends. Plenty of them don't like other men or say that "Paul" or "Mark" at work is this or that & bitch about other men in their circle. I do think they take it less personally though if someone doesn't gel with them.

@GreytExpectations

Yeah, that’s complete BS that people here asked OP what she looked like and once she told people are talking about her describing herself like she’s vein.

Sheesh.

Vane.

Spelling skills are furloughed.

I think there are quite a few Mean Girls on this thread.

OP needs constructive advice, not a bunch of strangers who seem happy to stick their metaphorical boot in.

So I said my grades and described what I looked like (both pros and cons)

Do you really not see how what you wrote was bizarre and overkill in the context of what were fairly basic questions? Inability to judge an appropriate response in conversation is one thing that will put people off.

The question "Are you pretty?" does not normally get a response which lists features, cup size, dress size and gives a rating out of 10.

I know I'm picking on that one post, but it is one example of a tone which is shouting out from a lot of your posts.

I am trying to kindly point out that the OP clearly struggles with judging social context / appropriate conversation. She thought that someone being polite and friendly at a job interview might be a genuine sign of friendship, and was disappointed when it didn't consider when the person had the job. There are clearly issues there, and a lot of people are turned off by that sort of social awkwardness.

^ continue, not consider

I have noticed this.

Often in 'groups' there is often one everyone loves to love, and a 'victim' whom everyone loves to hate. Both are likely undeserved statuses. One can't exist without the other, a 'hero' and a 'villain'.

I think a lack of confidence, e.g if you've been bullied in the past/expect on some level people not liking you, this plays a big part, people can sense it and they will pick on the 'weaker specimen' as they see it, often subconsciously.

I once saw this played out in a restaurant. A colleague was telling a story, and whilst nothing inappropriate and actually quite an amusing tale there is a slight intensity to her which seems to turn people off. A few fellow colleagues were quietly raising eyebrows and gently mocking her (without her knowledge). I noticed that a couple on the next table were mocking and laughing at her too, as if 'hating on her' was infectious. Unpleasant but it happens for some reason.

She thought that someone being polite and friendly at a job interview might be a genuine sign of friendship, and was disappointed when it didn't consider when the person had the job. There are clearly issues there, and a lot of people are turned off by that sort of social awkwardness

This.

This isn’t about that one girl group who bitch about you behind your back, it’s about some one who isn’t aware of her or others social boundaries. These boundaries are formed very early in a child’s life and I’d bet money on it OP hadn’t been able to develop them properly.

There are also quite a few clues on how the OP describes other women...

Sometimes, the girls who do this are initially much less liked by others than I am and yet they miraculously turn it around completely.

You may be right about the jealousy thing as I've never had any drop dead gorgeous women do this to me - usually it's the runt of the litter type girls

They're always the very loud, overconfident, people have to earn being treated nicely by them, won't say thank you when the door is held for them, type people.

I did not think that the girl I hired because she was nice at the interview would be my friend. That assumption is laughable. Everyone knows people put on a facade on first dates, interviews etc. Am I wrong to assume someone I hired who seemed relatively pleasant wouldn’t omit me at every opportunity, interrupt and literally hold other girls by the hand and drag them away from me etc.? Fine if we won’t be friends but she took an extra step to my life difficult after I hired her and did nothing bad to her.

@LocalNetter Apologies if I've missed this but do you have close female friends. What would they say your faults are?

If I simply don't like someone I don't really think about them. Even if they always rubbed me the wrong way I would maybe make a face after speaking to them on the phone or a throwaway comment after they left the office. I wouldn't start a hate campaign & waste my time trying to get others on my side unless I was deeply offended or hurt. Not sure I still bother then though.

Am I wrong to assume someone I hired who seemed relatively pleasant wouldn’t omit me at every opportunity, interrupt and literally hold other girls by the hand and drag them away from me etc.

This sounds mean but what's the context? Was one person dragging the other girl away because they were going for lunch or going home together. What opportunities do you get omitted from?