My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

[LocalNetter]

My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

I don't know why but this pattern has repeated my entire life so far. At school, in my house-share, at uni, at work.

There will be no argument, no fight, no disagreement. I would have maybe spoken to them once or twice and suddenly they'll be all cold (but some will pretend to be nice to my face) but will gradually stop the ones who do talk to me from talking to me. It will always be those most closest to that girl/woman who will firstly start acting off with me and then eventually most people get converted to that way.

Whilst the others wouldn't necessarily be my bestest friends, I know they'd like me enough to make pleasant talk with me etc and over time they almost start becoming a bully towards me.

Is this how some people bond? By talking about someone else negatively to build their own friendship?

The saddest thing is I would have had no fight or disagreement or done anything remotely unkind to deserve that hate. Fine if she's not interested in being friends with me but to actively dislike me for no reason and turn others against me is horrible. Sometimes, the girls who do this are initially much less liked by others than I am and yet they miraculously turn it around completely.

I'm just sick of being the butt of it for other girls to bond with each other and I don't know why it happens to me every time :( :( I always try and help people, have never been disloyal or even rude, even these girls themselves will often say I'm super nice, etc. - it's almost like that film "mean girls".

Have you seen people treated this way? Do you know what seems to make a particular person a target for this kind of behaviour?

I hate being a victim of this any longer :(

OP - saying "I think I'm pretty attractive, and I did well at school/uni" is one thing, but what you wrote is bizarre.

If any of that (not the exact words, but the general tone) does translate into your interactions with friends, then it would explain why people distance themselves.

@mapsie I was in a nightclub on time and a group of women started insulting me, and one stubbef out her cigarette on my back, and burned me. Why? One of them told me later that they were jealous of me because I was prettier than them.

A man has never stubbed out a cigarette on my back.
A man has never bullied me to the point of making me suicidal.

Women have.

I love working from home and having the freedom of not being around women ever again

Agree it’s jealousy. I have also had issues with this since secondary school. Classic mean girls, never had it from boys. I even had it within my own sibling group and wider family. Work colleagues, school mums, etc. I never consciously realised until I was in my 40’s why. I was actually very attractive (symmetrical face shape as told by an artist on a train who asked if it was ok if he drew me there and then), tall, intelligent and speak with a cut glass accent. Just my voice puts people backs up instantly as they think I’m a snob (been told that to my face many times). I used to try to speak more ‘common’ as a teen, even my own family used to take the piss out of the way I talk as none of them speak like it.

Other women were jealous. I remember one flat mate in my 20’s who said after seeing me come out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel a few days after I moved in, ‘I really wouldn’t want to see you all dressed up’ looking me up and down with a dirty look on her face. I actually thought she meant I’d look like shit.

DD has experienced similar but is very aware of it now and doesn’t internalise it that something is wrong with her, which was a massive negative impact on her self esteem, she knows it’s all them.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable

Yes, I work with many non-native English speakers (Both those relocated to UK or US and living in their own countries but working for English speaking company) who do use idiomatic expressions regularly.

The more education and practice they have in the English language, the more I hear this. Also, plenty are just translating from their own language. I’m always kind of surprised by it, actually then I feel silly for thinking these terms are used in English only.

How women in our generation treat other women is absolutely disgusting. I wonder what has made women so aggressive, jealous and hateful of other women.

I just saw a group of women in a park. They were mothers and their daughters were with a dance teacher in the park.

One mother was skinnier and better looking than all of the other mothers. The other mothers were being so cruel and nasty to her.

Annamaria - what exactly were they doing? This is a group of strangers in a park right?

It's bizarre that you assume bullying revolves around weight and is always jealousy tbh.

@annamaria14 I never said it was never jealousy just not always.

A strange women had never tried to kiss me or made me feel scared & vulnerable.

Plus attractiveness is so subjective. I think Tom Hardy is gorgeous & others think he's awful. I used to do modelling & some people would tell me to my face how average I am and others would fawn.

Like I said I'm conventionally attractive as are my friends & think it makes your life easier imo. Most people are nice to me.

Strangers to you, I mean.

I agree mapsie. Attractiveness is very subjective and has very little to do with weight tbh. I've always been slim, and I don't think it has affected my friendships in any way - I choose my friends on their personalities.

Being the skinniest in a group does not mean all the other women envy you, and if you approach your friendships thinking like that then people WILL distance themselves.

If women were like how some people think on this thread people like Kate Moss wouldn't have any friends would she? Particularly not the same ones over the years.

Attractiveness does generally make life easier. I agree.

It’s very hard to know what’s going on for the op though. If personality or looks are bringing issues it’s almost impossible to know what’s happening from mn posts.

Maybe a good discussion to have on here:

Jow can women be nicer to each other?

Because women have the reputation of being vicious to each other.

I have one male friend who has loads of female friends, but he says that he can never have them in the same place together, because if he introduces one female friend to another femlae friend - they never like each other.

He said that women are much, much crueller to each other, than men are to each other

@mapsie what about the actress Jessica Alba?

She is beautiful, and was severely bullied

Are we going to go through every single celeb as an example?

I never said bullying didn't happen because of jealousy I just said not always.

You are the one that has put all women in the same box.

@mapsie you mentioned kate moss. I mentioned jess alba.

That is not going through "every celeb"

All kinds of people get bullied. Beautiful / not beautiful etc.

But if you are repeatedly in situations where you find that people distance themselves from you, it is worth questioning whether there is something you could change.

The examples the OP describes at school (throwing gum into her hair) sound like bullying. However, the example she provided at her work wasn't bullying at all.

Just a thought OP - why would you 'allow' someone who is your junior in work talk over you like that?

(Nobody should do what she did but at least you'd have a bit of clout if your her manager or whatever).

Stereotyping all women as being mean isn't acceptable no matter how bad your past experiences have been. I'm sorry for the horrible things you have suffered, but this just isn't justified.

(Not addressed at OP but to posters who have complained about the meanness of women.)

• you're sorry

Even on mumsnet - the general replies from women are:

Aggressive,
Nasty,
Cruel,
Spiteful.
No thought given to how they make other women feel.

Sometimes I am ashamed of my gender

@LocalNetter did you really compare yourself to domestic abuse survivors because you claim everyone is jealous of you? Because that's an incredibly horrible and insensitive thing to say. Based on that comment alone, I wouldn't want anything to do with you if I crossed your path.

@greyt good for you! You fitted right into the "nasty women theory".

Lets count up all the nice messages and all the nasty messages on this thread. This thread has proved the point that women are nasty to each other

I was always the outcast girl at school. The one who would get ditched when she went to the loo on a day out. The one who had to ignore catty comments or confront them and get turned on by everyone. The one who never fit in.

All the adults I asked said they were jealous. They weren't. Looking back now I had a very high opinion of myself, an inflated sense of my own intelligence and was not shy in giving my opinion.

Sometimes it's jealousy, sometimes it's just how other people bond, sometimes you're the problem.

That being said I do try and stay clear of cliques and women/men who want to have a big group best friends right away, 'mum/dad friends' or 'work friends' or 'hobby friends' all hanging around together and going out for regular drinks/meals as soon as they meet. There's always some bitching within a week or 2 in those scenarios imo.

This happened to me in one of my previous jobs. For some reason this girl who had never spoken to me took against me, heard her whispering about me, soon all the office was treating me as if I was a serial killer. She would be nice to my face if I asked her something

I don't understand why some people treat offices as school playgrounds, I just want to go in, do my job well and go home

@Annamaria14 no you're not getting it. My point wasn't that beautiful celebrities don't get bullied. The point was that if women are as you say then Kate Moss & Jessica Alba & 'X' wouldn't have any female friends.