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Original poster

My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

351 replies

LocalNetter · 18/05/2020 22:30

I don't know why but this pattern has repeated my entire life so far. At school, in my house-share, at uni, at work.

There will be no argument, no fight, no disagreement. I would have maybe spoken to them once or twice and suddenly they'll be all cold (but some will pretend to be nice to my face) but will gradually stop the ones who do talk to me from talking to me. It will always be those most closest to that girl/woman who will firstly start acting off with me and then eventually most people get converted to that way.

Whilst the others wouldn't necessarily be my bestest friends, I know they'd like me enough to make pleasant talk with me etc and over time they almost start becoming a bully towards me.

Is this how some people bond? By talking about someone else negatively to build their own friendship?

The saddest thing is I would have had no fight or disagreement or done anything remotely unkind to deserve that hate. Fine if she's not interested in being friends with me but to actively dislike me for no reason and turn others against me is horrible. Sometimes, the girls who do this are initially much less liked by others than I am and yet they miraculously turn it around completely.

I'm just sick of being the butt of it for other girls to bond with each other and I don't know why it happens to me every time :( :( I always try and help people, have never been disloyal or even rude, even these girls themselves will often say I'm super nice, etc. - it's almost like that film "mean girls".

Have you seen people treated this way? Do you know what seems to make a particular person a target for this kind of behaviour?

I hate being a victim of this any longer :(

OP posts:

Itisbetter · 19/05/2020 01:03

My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me sad All of these people are choosing how to behave. It’s highly unlikely that in multiple settings/groups/years a truly gifted manipulator has singled you out and managed to dominate people to the point you are excluded to this degree. I honestly don’t care how pretty/clever/whatever my friends are in that way. I don’t think any of them do either.

FunnyInjury · 19/05/2020 01:06

,antisocial I scrolled back looking for a PP called ocams razor

But that is exactly it!

I was trying to be kind to OP, but really that is it 🤷‍♀️

OP turn the mirror inwards and reflect.

I.mean that nicely I really do x

Popebenedictsp45 · 19/05/2020 01:07

I agree you might need to look inward, OP. This is ringing the same bell as the man who declares all his exes are psychos.

Basically everything that @antisocialdistance said.

AtaMarie · 19/05/2020 01:10

"I honestly don’t care how pretty/clever/whatever my friends are in that way."

Agreed. And most adults don't, surely? My friendships have been very straightforward. In 25 years of having multiple friendships and being part of many friendship circles, I can only think of one woman who acted in the way OP described, and she was given short shrift.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/05/2020 01:15

Runt of the litter? What exactly is that in human terms?

FunnyInjury · 19/05/2020 01:19

Arya ?

Wrong thread?

FunnyInjury · 19/05/2020 01:20

That's a horrid phrase to use for people!

I don't think anyone said that?

AryaStarkWolf · 19/05/2020 01:21

2nd post from the OP

AryaStarkWolf · 19/05/2020 01:28

And yes you are right, it is a horrid phrase to use for people, it would make you wonder about the person who wrote it

SkiingIsHeaven · 19/05/2020 01:53

It is horrible but you need to ask yourself if you really want to be friends with people like that.

Once you realise that you don't, then you can move on.

Good luck.

JazzyTheDog · 19/05/2020 01:54

OP I don’t think you are reading people well. Because essentially what you’re saying is that there’s about a dozen people over the course of your life (you said you were about 10 years out of school so I’m guessing you are late 20s) who haven’t liked you or gotten on with you and those dozen or so have managed to convince scores of others to act like sheep and be mean to you.

That doesn’t happen. I don’t know a single female adult, let alone the hundreds you must be referring to, who is so persuaded by Person A to be “mean” to Person B, that they go all out mean girl just because Person A told them to.

You need some professional assistance to help understand social cues and people’s behaviour, and you need to take responsibility for your part in this as you’re the common denominator as others have already said. Sorry but it’s not them, it’s you.

Ofitck · 19/05/2020 02:06

localnetter I have no idea but your experience at uni adding people on social media and her being the only one not to accept sounds exactly the same. She had already decided.

It happened to some extent to me at school as well. Then after uni I got a job and everyone was nice but I couldn't quite break in. We moved abroad and I work from home and I've just realised how alone I am. My personality is very different now, I have gone from outgoing to reclusive and I haven't done much with my life as I have no confidence.

My sister did it too with my brother. She just stopped talked to me and tried to get him and his fiancé to ignore me too. He keeps the peace and is nice to me so in one sense has risen above it but it bloody hurts.

HannaYeah · 19/05/2020 02:12

I agree with counseling.

I don’t think some people being jealous and excluding the OP and the OP being the cause of what’s happening are actually mutually exclusive.

thaegumathteth · 19/05/2020 02:21

It's not nice you feel you've been treated badly BUT I do think it's a very real possibility that there is something you can change that will make you more likeable.

You do come across as a bit....pompous? I mean mentioning GCSE results and school awards and the size of your cheat is all a bit odd for an adult to do isn't it? It seems really quite immature.

I don't want to be mean here, genuinely I don't and I don't want to be accused of victim blaming but if it's always happening I do think you need to actually look at how you interact with and make people feel.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/05/2020 02:28

But how can a person be a victim when they called another human being the runt of the litter? Just curious

thaegumathteth · 19/05/2020 02:31

Well, I didn't say she was a victims and that's a vile phrase BUT people still can be Victims even if they have done wrong themselves.

CJsGoldfish · 19/05/2020 02:36

You may be right about the jealousy thing as I've never had any drop dead gorgeous women do this to me - usually it's the runt of the litter type girls who do this
I know you've brushed this comment off and tried to justify it but I don't think you realise what it says about you.

It is possible that you are just unlikeable and you are trying to downplay that by focusing on blaming ONE person in every situation. It is equally possible that one person just realises first with everyone else gradually forming the same opinion based on their own interactions.

I think you just want some sympathy and for everyone to appeal to your sense of superiority by telling you over and over how they must simply be jealous of you.

If you truly want an answer you'll need to look a little deeper than that.

Crimsonnightlotus · 19/05/2020 08:16

More I read your post more I think there is an answer.
You say you are kind, polite and introvert. I am kind, polite and introvert, I have been a victim of bullying in school days, but never in uni or at work.
If you are still being targeted in your adult days, either you are in the wrong crowd of bunch of immature people, or there is something in you to cause that reaction from them.

00100001 · 19/05/2020 08:21

you sound paranoid man...

00100001 · 19/05/2020 08:22

sounds like the pproblem is you OP.

NameChange84 · 19/05/2020 08:24

I had this from Junior School to almost 30, when I ditched my group of Frenemies.

I’ve now got lots of one to one friendships and my self esteem is tonnes better. I know it’s not me that is the problem, I have no problems unless I’m in a group of women my age, then suddenly the nastiness starts and the underhand comments and isolating me from the rest of the group. My colleagues are all older women and I have no issues with them bullying me and we all get on great.

There’s occasionally one nasty woman at a hobby or something but I can laugh it off now and know it’s not me, it’s them.

Also...women my age generally started being a lot nicer to me when I gained two stone .

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 19/05/2020 08:27

There was a thread a few weeks ago from a woman who said everyone was jealous of her success and achievements.

If that wasn’t you, OP, it might be worth reading the replies. I’ll see if I can find it.

CovidicusRex · 19/05/2020 08:29

I have never experienced this. Either in terms of receiving it or doing it/going along with someone doing it/even being asked to go along with it. Are you sure that you aren’t just ‘blaming’ all the people going cold on you on the first person that takes a dislike to you? Do you have any evidence of someone deliberately doing this or are you just making assumptions?

Doowop20 · 19/05/2020 08:33

If it’s always happened, there must be a reason.

I don’t agree with the ‘just jealous’ comments even if you are beautiful. I have a friend, six foot with long blonde hair who literally stops traffic, and she doesn’t get this as she is very unassuming and gets on well with everyone.

As you mention Mensa, I wonder if you are very intellectual and come across a bit different and don’t quite fit in. I know a few people like that In the workplace and they are tolerated and everyone makes allowances for them but people find them irritating. I agree with the pp who said you might come across a bit superior and the other pp who said you could be annoying.

Doowop20 · 19/05/2020 08:33

Yes I remember the other thread, very similar and wonder if it’s the same poster?

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