My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

[LocalNetter]

My whole life one girl/woman dislikes me for no reason and then gets everyone else to dislike me :(

I don't know why but this pattern has repeated my entire life so far. At school, in my house-share, at uni, at work.

There will be no argument, no fight, no disagreement. I would have maybe spoken to them once or twice and suddenly they'll be all cold (but some will pretend to be nice to my face) but will gradually stop the ones who do talk to me from talking to me. It will always be those most closest to that girl/woman who will firstly start acting off with me and then eventually most people get converted to that way.

Whilst the others wouldn't necessarily be my bestest friends, I know they'd like me enough to make pleasant talk with me etc and over time they almost start becoming a bully towards me.

Is this how some people bond? By talking about someone else negatively to build their own friendship?

The saddest thing is I would have had no fight or disagreement or done anything remotely unkind to deserve that hate. Fine if she's not interested in being friends with me but to actively dislike me for no reason and turn others against me is horrible. Sometimes, the girls who do this are initially much less liked by others than I am and yet they miraculously turn it around completely.

I'm just sick of being the butt of it for other girls to bond with each other and I don't know why it happens to me every time :( :( I always try and help people, have never been disloyal or even rude, even these girls themselves will often say I'm super nice, etc. - it's almost like that film "mean girls".

Have you seen people treated this way? Do you know what seems to make a particular person a target for this kind of behaviour?

I hate being a victim of this any longer :(

Didn't you already post all about these issues you have because you look young and are tiny and are very clever just a few weeks ago?

@slashlover I know you are asking the OP but I am retrospectively cringing for young me who really was that person. Poor young me. I meant well and I did eventually learn. (I really hope my kids don't get that bit of my personality)

It sounds hard but it’s difficult for anyone on here to say why.

@DrowsyDragon

@slashlover I know you are asking the OP but I am retrospectively cringing for young me who really was that person. Poor young me. I meant well and I did eventually learn. (I really hope my kids don't get that bit of my personality)

The difference is that you obviously reflected and changed, OP seems intent on blaming everyone else.

Also have a good think about how your persona changes when your around the people that are supposed to hate you. Do you go quite? What is your body language like? Are you tense? All these things can make other people think that you don’t want bothering or that something is off.

How is your persona when she is not there? Are you relaxed? Smiling? Making eye contact? People naturally may navigate to you whilst they are not there because you are acting differently and more approachable

I don’t think one person can turn everyone against someone easily. But they can make it so it’s easier to just stay away.

I also don’t think it matters if the OP truly is pretty, intelligent, etc. all that matters is that the one mean girl perceives her as a threat, and that she doesn’t have the personality to stick up for herself and push back.

Anyone heard of the “bad pig”? I was told that a group of pigs, there is always one that gets picked on. To the point of death. Once that pig is gone, then a new target is chosen. I have seen that groups of people and especially women can be like this.

OP doesn’t sound like she’s ever been privy to the social rules of the groups around her. Among other things, she has described trying to jump in and be friends with everyone right away, for instance.* Her friending everyone in the class on Facebook obviously ticked off the one woman in school.

*(I found a note about me in highschool that said “Hanna eats lunch with different people every day.” I had no idea until I read it that anyone would perceive that as a bad thing! Ended up telling the girl that wrote it that I found it and asked what was wrong with trying to get to know various people. Wow, still shocks me today but I did conform and pick a group after that because I didn’t want to end up isolated.)

Didn't you already post all about these issues you have because you look young and are tiny and are very clever just a few weeks ago

Ah well ... I had a feeling this one somebody that had been told all her life people were just jealous if they didn’t get on with her.,

Jealousy is my guess.

In our office there is a senior female employee, aged about 50 and a more recent, employee aged about 55, but looks younger than the first one.

It took the long term employee one day to dislike the newer one, and it’s been going on now for 3 years.
The newer one keeps herself to herself, but doesn’t make any difference. She still gets bullied. It’s sort of “queen bee” or hen pecking. Not nice to watch.

Leave, move department, change to a job with a better male/female balance. You shouldn’t have to put up with it but I doubt it will go away if you stay.

You're doing a lot of whining and blaming others for your actions in your posts.
If you're like that in real life people will drop away. Even if you have been wronged.

Maybe because of the bulling you have created this persona, where you big yourself up, as an attempt to give people a reason to like you, rather than letting them get to know you more organically, and it turns people off.

Women are cruel to each other. And yes is it is usually jealousy. I was very pretty when I was in school and other girls made my life an absolute misery. They were so cruel and horrible to me - I actually began to believe that I was worth absolutely nothing and I hated myself. Eventually one of them told me that she wished that she looked like me.

It also happened to me at one workplace. I was the prettiest woman there and the other women my age, made my life an absolute misery. Spitting insults at me. One of the older women there told me that they were jealous of me.

In the next workplace that I was in , there was a stunning woman, and thankfully the rest were all men. The stunning woman was really nice and kind to me.

Women can be absolutely vicious and ruin your entire life, which is why I try to work in workplaces with mainly men. And also why I prefer to be friends with men. I talk to as few women as I can. My life is so much better.

I was absolutely suicidal after some of ny bullying until I read about it happening to other women, even celebrities.

When jessica alba the actress said that she was bullied so badly that an adult had to walk her to and from class at all times, and she had to eat lunch alone in the nurses office (just because she was prettier than the other girls) i began to finally see that i was not worthless and that they were jealous.

You will notice that is is never pretty, happy women who do this, it is always women who are insecure in themselves. Don't let other women tear you down or make you think that you are bad. See that it is them feeling bad about themselves. Thanks for sharing your story

Free yourself by not trying to be friends with people who do not deserve it

Ironically, the less you try to get people to like you, the more they tend to like and respect you

You sound like a bit of a people pleaser who wants to be liked, but I find being a bit aloof works better

Ultimately, you cannot make people like you. But a hint of “needing to be liked” is like a red flag to bullies

You have just been unlucky and tried to befriend the wrong people. Aloofness and a fuck-it approach means people will try to befriend you (instead of you them)

Based on what you have written, I think you are emotionally needy and have poor social awareness. Many/most people will find that a turnoff because it makes any interaction hard work rather than natural and enjoyable.

If it happens consistently, it isn't jealousy (and I don't buy for a second that it's always or usually jealousy in these scenarios). If you want to change this, you need to find a good therapist and accept that it is something that you are doing that causes this situation to recur. (And for the love of God, never again describe yourself as having "big eyes and plump lips".)

@hauntedgoatfart it is ALWAYS jealousy. Why else would some one bully anyone.

If there is an overweight woman , who is she going to be mean to - not the other overweight women - she is going to be mean to the thin woman, because she is feeling bad about herself.

Even the only time that I was ever nasty to a woman, was because I felt bad about myself at the time and I was jealous about her happy lifestyle.

It is ALWAYS jealousy

The girl I hired did it to me recently and tried to create an in-group with me excluded from it even though she seemed nice to me on her interview day (!) and I’m not directly supervising her so not like I’ve bossed her about or anything. Yet, all the people she chose to be in her inner circle turned against her quite publically (she was very loud, had an opinion about everything and thought everyone wanted to hear it even when not asked for and would often disagree with people about things that don’t matter e.g if someone said they liked tea, she’d pipe in with the fact she can’t stand tea and much prefers coffee and lists the reasons why despite no one asking). Now, knowing the others have turned their back on her, she tries to befriend me again but I feel very cold internally towards her because of what she tried to do initially. I had kept out of her way since she started excluding me and now she’s back with her tail between her legs.

So, I wonder if maybe this story is a good example of what is going wrong, because it looks to me less like a story where you are bullied/excluded/someone is working against you, and more as if you're projecting a lot.

You interview someone, and of course they are as pleasant as they can be - it's an interview! They start work, and maybe try to get to know everyone else and because their attention is not entirely on you, you interpret that as being 'excluded' from an 'inner circle'. I also find it interesting that you tell this whole story about how this new circle then 'turned against her' as part of a post where you are explaining that these women control everyone around you and stop those other people being friends with you.

Clearly this woman didn't turn her 'inner circle' against you. You're explaining how they didn't actually like her and rejected her efforts to be friends. Presumably their relationship with you didn't change in response to their fairly brief encounters with a loud opinionated member of staff.

I wonder if you just feel lonely and are unconsciously scapegoating various people for this feeling - you want a reason why you don't feel included, so you pick one woman who maybe has a particular quality you find threatening, and focus on her as the cause of your suffering?

I'm a size 8, with DD chest, long thick curly hair, big eyes, plump lips BUT also a bit spotty and have a big nose.

This just comes across as very #menwritewomen. Plump lips? Big eyes?

Totally agree. I have literally never heard a woman describe herself like this in real life before. Although it fits nicely with the use of the 'runt of the litter' phrase.

OP - you sound very much as though you consider yourself superior to other women. If you are grown adult, nobody cares what your teachers said about you at school or what your GCSE results were. I'd echo others - look inwards and consider whether these women are picking up on, and responding to, your behaviours.

You interview someone, and of course they are as pleasant as they can be - it's an interview!

The fact that this isn't immediately obvious to the OP makes me wonder about her. Because most people know that behaviour at interview =/= someone's complete personality.

To me both the runt comment and the description sound like something written by someone with English as a second language.

Thanks @Annamaria14 I found the same as you - the stunning ones have always been really pleasant. I don't think I would treat a woman differently based on her looks (like I don't think I treat the prettier ones better) as it's not like I'm trying to date them so I don't think I'm behaving differently to women based on their looks eliciting, a different response from them.

Whilst I agree that there's a lot of reasons why someone might not want to be my best friend, a lot of data shows that actual bullying is often due to the bullies' insecurities / jealousy. If someone didn't want to be close friends with me, there's no way I'd think it's jealousy but when someone chooses to bully me and can't tell me what I've done wrong when I ask her, it's difficult to think it may be any other reason. A lot of the anecdotes from a lot of helpful women who've witnessed it on the outside or inside the circle shows this.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable I don't mention a description of my looks nor exam grades to people I meet in real life. I described my looks on here simply because someone asked if I was pretty and no one on here knows what I look like and as beauty is subjective, it would be silly to say yes I am or no I am not. I've highlighted weaknesses in my looks too.

@TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead I think you are so right - people say this theory for dating all of the time (and I probably naturally am I bit more aloof in dating as dating has been much easier for me than not being bullied).

@Olliephaunt4eyes The new girl I hired would interrupt a conversation I'd be having with someone to ask the person I am to go and get a coffee with them. Every time. Not once or with one particular person but whoever I was chatting to, she'd butt into the convo and ask the other person. Never me and will only ask them if they are chatting to me. Even if I was talking to someone else, she'd butt in disagreeing with whatever I had to say, she'd ask others to sit with her and not me, etc. It was quite clear it wasn't all in my head with regards to her.

It is ALWAYS jealousy

If an overweight women makes a comment to a thin women I don't think it's necessarily bullying or jealousy.

Women are cruel, nasty and jealous OP.

As has also been shown by the replies on this thread

As, I said , working from home is such a joy for me, because I can now be around very few women.

I work from home, and my friends are men, so I don't have to talk to any women at all outside my family! It is absolutely brilliant.

Just because we are women, does not mean that we have to be friends with other women.

The leas women that I am around, the more peaceful and happy my life has been. I am having a cup of tea with my male friend right now

@slashlover That doesn't make any sense. I replied to drowsy dragon asking her what she changed about herself. I'd only do that surely if I wanted to change myself. Also, I told her that I related with a lot of the downfalls in her past personality she detailed.

Really? Because people speaking a second language don't usually use idiomatic expressions (e.g. runt of the litter) so much.

The description straight up sounds like it was written by a man. Do women really give themselves a number out of 10 when describing what they look like? I don't know any that would.

Using rating systems like that is an odd approach, isn't it? In the same way that rating yourself (as an adult) on your GCSE results and awards from your teachers is... odd.

I'm going to assume you come across as rather superior. The way you described how "perfect" you are, including your plump lips and the way your teachers spoke about you, I imagine you arent coming across rather well to other girls. Specially as you seem to put so much weight on their looks, claiming only ugly girls don't like you. It's almost like you want to be able to say "I'm just so smart and pretty that all those plain girls can't stand me!"

Sorry OP but when girls dislike you in all areas of your life, you most likly are the problem.

I do think the jealousy dynamic is much more common in women (how much more often do you hear about a jealous step-mum, sister-in-law or mother-in law in comparison to their male counterparts).

I'm glad not all women are like that though and the ones who aren't like that, I find hanging out with much more fun and interesting than most men lol.

Women are cruel, nasty and jealous OP.

I hate this narrative. I've predominantly worked with women in my career & loved it. Men are just as bitchy & definitely win in the cruel stakes.