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Original poster

Baby number 5 on the way and I'm scared about what people will think

294 replies

Featheringthenest · 18/05/2020 06:40

My husband and I have 4 amazing children under the age of 11 and this weekend we found out that we're expecting baby number 5. I desperately want to be excited but my overwhelming feeling is anxiety because I'm scared of what people are going to say and think. I'm very fortunate to be a full time stay at home Mum as my husband has an excellent job so I've never had to rely on people to look after my children and that won't change with the new baby. Am I overthinking this or is there still a stigma around large families? With 4 children I'm told all the time by strangers that I "must be mad" or "blimey, you're brave" which after a while hurts because my children are so well behaved and quite frankly my favourite people to be around. I know this won't have anything to do with anyone else and that I shouldn't care what others think but the truth is I do. Any advice would be gratefully welcomed. Thank you

OP posts:
thecognoscenti · 18/05/2020 06:51

I'd think you were braver than me, and didn't care about the environment or overpopulation.

HouseOfSticks · 18/05/2020 06:53

It’s no one else’s business. Congratulations OP.

SuziGeo · 18/05/2020 06:57

If you can afford to look after them all then it really isn't anyone else's business. Don't worry and enjoy the pregnancy and excitement of baby number 5. People are always going to find something to make a comment about... If you have 1 child people want to know when you're having a 2nd, if you have 2 boys they comment on when you're having a girl, so you can't win.

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Ifailed · 18/05/2020 06:59

I'm very fortunate to be a full time stay at home Mum as my husband has an excellent job
What's the plan if he loses his job?

waltzingparrot · 18/05/2020 06:59

I'm sorry but I'd also think you didn't care about overpopulation. It's a frightening problem.

cultkid · 18/05/2020 07:00

I think you're amazing 💜 I would love to have 5 children

IncrediblySadToo · 18/05/2020 07:01

🎉 congratulations!! 🎉

Please don't take offence at people saying your must be brave' or 'blimey, better you than me' etc. It's NOT a reflection on you or your children, it's a comment on their (our) lack of energy for it.

People will (mostly) reflect YOUR attitude to it, so if you're excited when you tell them, then they'll be excited-but if you're hesitant or negative they'll reflect that too

However some tears can't resist the urge to comment about the environment & over population etc. Until they live a carbon neutral life they can STFU.

If you two are happy, then get excited!! And stop worrying about what anyone else thinks!!😊

Orchidflower1 · 18/05/2020 07:02

Honestly I’d have mixed feelings- I’d think you were crackers but brave for having the unplanned baby. I’d be envious that you don’t have to work but be thinking I hope this family are being kind to the planet.

I told it would be mixed! Sorry if that’s not much help but you did ask!

I hope baby and you are healthy.

DailyKegelReminder · 18/05/2020 07:02

Some people like to feel superior, dont feed in to it. Plus they think their opinion actually means anything to anyone except themselves. Congratulations OP.

HollysBush · 18/05/2020 07:03

Congratulations! It’s none of my business. I’d just think ‘wow, she must be really organised to manage all those children’

InfiniteSheldon · 18/05/2020 07:05

Sadly overpopulation is the cause of most of the planets woes. Congratulations on your personal and family joy but you must recognise that people fear for our planet.

ScreamingKid · 18/05/2020 07:12

It wouldn't be my choice, but I'd think each to their own.

THATscurryfungeBITCH · 18/05/2020 07:17

Op i have 5

There is a bit of a stigma, especially on mn

You need thick skin!

Congratulations

dottiedodah · 18/05/2020 07:20

Well firstly Congratulations to you ! I would not worry what people say TBH.A lot of people will try to judge you because you have a large family ,and its not good for the planet .However something like 1 in 5 women at 40 will be childless, so this counterbalances it IMO .I am sure you are a green family . Lots of famous people have large families Jamie Oliver has 5 children, so does Gordon Ramsey .Helena Morissey has 9! So relax and enjoy ,and take no notice of any negative remarks .

sparklefarts · 18/05/2020 07:24

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Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/05/2020 07:28

I'd secretly think you were mad but I find my one DC hard enough work so that's just a reflection of my own feelings. I wouldn't be so rude as to say that though.

Coffeeand · 18/05/2020 07:29

Congratulations. These threads always suggest you’re responsible for overpopulating the world if you have any more children than they have which is utter bullshit.

It’s hard work having a larger family but there’s plenty of good stuff too. Going from 4 to 5 really isn’t a big deal.

SandysMam · 18/05/2020 07:29

I’d think you need to get your TV fixed Grin
Good luck OP, enjoy your baby, they are on their way now so it really doesn’t matter what people think, try to put it out if your mind.

MuseumOfYou · 18/05/2020 07:32

If you and your DH can manage your family, then all the best to you. People will always find something to have an opinion about but this is your life.

I've got 4, and when I was expecting the final one, after a long gap, the responses i had were evenly split between 'you must be mad' and 'I'd love another baby but my DH won't hear of it'.

DuchessOfSofa · 18/05/2020 07:35

Yeh, agree,id be one of the people who'd say something l8ke "you're brave" and it is me thinking how could i cope with 2 5 times the responsibility. Or thinking "id have NO free time"

Packamack · 18/05/2020 07:37

I'd assume you were religious, and probably surrendered to your husband.

TinySleepThief · 18/05/2020 07:41

I wouldn't judge you for having 5 children but like a previous poster I would be concerned about what might happen to the lovely life you've created if your DH lost his job or for some reason had to stop working.

It's unlikely to be easy to get a job which would then support you all so I would be concerned about how you'd all manage. It's a lot of people relying on him staying employed and healthy.

mynameisntlouise · 18/05/2020 07:41

All points by previous posters are valid. I think it's easy to see a large family and think of the environment but I don't think there's as much stigma on other environmental factors, a lot of us are guilty of being part of a throw-away society.

I'd personally think the leap from 3 to 4 is a big difference but not 4-5. Surely you've already got the big car etc?

I'd not let what other people think spoil your excitement.

mydogisthebest · 18/05/2020 07:42

Bit late to worry now. I would think you are mad to have so many and careless and stupid to get pregnant again.

Hope you make sure there is not a sixth

CherryPavlova · 18/05/2020 07:42

Congratulations. Babies are always lovely and wanted babies bring huge joy. Don’t worry about other people just enjoy it.